If my life was a song, the refrain would be “Everything’s fine.” I am that person. The one who tries to put a positive spin on every person and event. Part of it is wanting everything to be fine and the other part is not wanting to worry people with my problems. So I’ve been singing “Everything’s fine” for years. Even when things were not. It just seemed easier.
My writing reflected that refrain. Fiction, articles, essays…none of my writing was dark. Yes, there was the occasional murder in a short story but it was always bad people who died, not innocents. I was the Pollyanna of the writing world. Even when I wrote about things in my life that were less than ideal, I always added a hopeful twist to balance out the negatives. Or more often, I would ignore the negative aspects of my life, focusing on the things that made me happy.
Because there are so many things in my life that make me happy: family, friends, art, nature, travel. When writing, I am never at a loss for a new subject.
But I’m getting too old to leave a portion of my life unwritten. I started writing about my fear, my anger, my failure. It started as middle-of-the-night letters to myself to get all the emotions out so I could finally sleep. I guess it was my homegrown version of therapy. Then I began thinking, “Would other people read this?”
Of course, that was followed by, “Do I want other people to read this?”
Slowly, I’ve started polishing certain pieces into essays and sending them out into the world. Although it’s a part of myself few people have met, it is powerful. I’m still conflicted about the reaction of my loved ones if any of my middle-of-the-night writing is published. So I started out with flash essay contests. I didn’t win anything, but just sharing it with the contest judges was a big leap for me. Yesterday, I sent an essay to a dream market of mine: The Sun Magazine. So I’m seesawing between “Yes! What if it gets chosen?” and “Oh, no. What if it gets chosen?”
.jpg)
Jodi M. Webb writes from her home in the Pennsylvania mountains about everything from DIY projects to tea to butterflies. She's also a blog tour manager for WOW-Women on Writing and a writing tutor at her local university. Get to know her @jodiwebbwrites, Facebook and blogging at Words by Webb.
2 comments:
I don't know that I find it difficult to share (as in submit) because I so often find it difficult to get the balance right. When fellow writers who know this side of me say "This isn't working because..." I know I have to listen.
Jodi, I’m so glad you are facing your fears and sending your work out into the world! I’ve been in the exact position that you’re anticipating, where a deeply personal essay gets chosen for publication, and I think, do I really want this out there? But then I think, if the editors believed in it enough that they want to publish it, then I should believe in it too! I admit, it’s not that hard for me now, since all of my family members are dead, so some writers have to consider what would happen if their family members read it. But it’s those essays that receive the most responses - the ones about our fears, angers, failures and other emotional events that resonate most with readers.
Post a Comment