What I Do When the Creative Life is Overwhelming

 

I’ve had an overwhelming past few weeks. Last week I traveled to tour some prospective colleges with my 17-year-old son, and we were on the road, staying in hotels, and eating out for every meal. By the end we were exhausted and ready to get home. While I was on that trip a podcast interview I did about a stalking incident I lived through in college aired. To be completely transparent, I was so scared of how it turned out I didn’t tell my family right away or listen to it! I waited until I got home before I quietly put my Airpods in and checked it out. I’d had a great conversation with the hosts but after I got off the interview realized I may have rambled on about too much. 

To my relief, the podcast did a great job with editing, and I felt comfortable with the way my story was shared. Then I told my family to listen! While checking emails for my trip, I heard from a local city magazine editor that had recently discovered my true crime podcast, Missing in the Carolinas. She asked if I was working on anything that they could hook back to their audience, such as an investigation into a current cold case, local disappearance, etc. Again, I was excited for the possibility of exposure but also nagged by the feeling “I’m not doing enough” to be proactive with my podcast. (In my defense, I’m still a one-woman show!) 

I had exchanged pages of my current writing project (a suspense/thriller novel) with my writing accountability group. Their response and notes were so kind, I shed tears of both joy and fear. I’ve had a feeling all along that I may have finally cracked the code of planning and writing a book, after many false starts, and I froze. Their words of encouragement told me, "Keep going with this, and get it finished!"

With all three of these things swirling around in my brain, I took myself out for a long walk yesterday morning. I told myself this is what I do when I get close to succeeding at something—I let myself become paralyzed by fear and imposter syndrome. I immerse myself in other things as a distraction. I let myself stop and chat with a squirrel, inhale the scent of blooming roses, listened to the flowing water of a nearby creek, appreciated how green everything was, and even chatted with a man walking his adorable chiweenie. He called the dog their “grumpy old man,” and said whenever he gets mad, he goes into the master bedroom closet and poops. I told him I could relate—I have a spoiled dachshund and chihuahua mix at my house, too. 

By the time I returned home I was sweaty, but my anxiety had waned. I sat down to write this to get the creative juices flowing. I’m going to devote the rest of the week to making a few inquiries about a cold case I’ve wanted to explore for my podcast and get back to work on editing my novel. This is the life of a writer. 

What do you do when the writing life threatens to overwhelm you? Do you practice self care, indulge in a favorite hobby, or get out in nature? I’d love to hear about it!

Renee Roberson is an award-winning writer who also produces the true crime podcast, Missing in the Carolinas. 

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