A Focus on Friendships - Part One of Three

I feel a bit shocked that it's August already - nearing the end of third quarter for our business and time to go school shopping for most of our littles. We are just wrapping up third crop hay on our farm and getting ready for corn harvest. This is one of my favorite months of the year in my little corner of the cornfield. The corn is taller than I am, and I can't see the road from my patio. We have a long driveway, but this time of year, I have a cornfield as a privacy fence. It's all very fancy if you ask me - my allergies however are a different story. We all have well established farmer tans and freckles and we've cut most of the sleeves off our t-shirts. As much as we will eventually welcome the cooler weather, fuzzy sweaters, and school, for now we are soaking in the more relaxing days and increased together time. Well, I am enjoying the together time. I am positive my teenagers would tell a different story of the demanding mother who forces them out of bed hours before they are ready. 

 Those angsty teenagers are the inspiration for my articles this month. If you don't have teenagers, I'm sure you were one at one time, so don't stop reading now. I promise you'll be able to relate - and today's discussion about friendships may help you with your writing (believable characters and such) and if you're not a writer, maybe it will help you with your friendships. Now, before I get too much further, I want you to know I've been an awful friend. I've been a great friend. I'm a work in progress. There's undoubtedly people who might look at this article and think "she has no business talking to anyone about friendships" and there's other people who might disagree wholeheartedly (maybe...I hope?). I however, think struggling with things is what makes us the perfect person to participate in a discussion about said topic. So - here goes - let's talk about friendships, shall we? This isn't me telling you what to do or not to do - it's just a conversation and hopefully it will offer each of us a little something. Grab your favorite beverage (I'll fill my coffee mug) and we can chat a bit. Stop back later this month for part two publishing on the 26th of this month!. If you're wondering - today's photo headline is a picture of me and my best friend a few days ago as we celebrate our 9th year of wedded bliss and forever friendship! 

 Have you ever been the friend who spoke up and told someone how you feel? If you have, I commend you! It's really hard to tell someone how you are feeling. There's always the risk of them seeing your feedback as an insult or attack. What happens then? Sometimes we let that fear of the unknown stop us from being open and talking about our feelings. Whether we have the conversation or not, those negative feelings are going to take a toll on the friendship. It takes a brave person to open up about how they are feeling. It also takes a brave person to listen and accept what is being said. Once we hear how someone is feeling, it is our choice what to do with that information. Years ago before children and before farming, I had an opportunity to lead a discussion concerning "dealing with difficult people" and I like to use some of that information when it comes to sorting out my own feelings and friendships. My takeaway from the difficult people discussion was concerning types of feedback and deciding what type of feedback we are receiving (or giving). I like to say there are two types of feedback, but in reality only one is feedback and the other is criticism (or basically an insult). The words can be the same for each, but it's the motive that needs to be examined. Let's boil it down to something basic: 

 1) Feedback is something we are telling someone about to help them grow 

2) Criticism is something we are telling someone to hurt them Basically, the intention is the difference. 

 We could spend weeks coming up with longer definitions, but let's go with the down and dirty for the sake of today's conversation. My daughter was recently told by a friend that the friend felt left out at times. She bravely said "when we are together I have a lot of fun, but when your other friends are around I don't feel like I'm part of the group". I applaud the young lady for talking about her feelings. She wasn't attacking the other friends or hurling insults, she was simply sharing things from her perspective. My daughter was hurt by what was said and came home to talk about it. I told her that though I wasn't there, I feel this is valuable feedback that should be taken to heart. I also reminded her that she's 14 and the choice is hers to make - she can either accept the feedback or not. I suggested she may want to thank her friend for being open about how she is feeling and then they can talk about ways to be more inclusive in a large group setting. We also had a conversation about how we might feel differently if the friend had said "you really aren't a good friend when Krissy is around; you ignore me and you're so snobby". It's so easy to tell the difference between feedback and critism in this example; sometimes it's not quite this easy though. 

 Our time is coming to an end today - but before we get together again, leave a comment and answer one of these questions if you would please? 

 ** When did you provide a friend with what you thought was feedback but it was received as criticism? What do you wish you had done differently? 

** How would you like to receive feedback from a friend? Do you have an example of a time you received feedback and it helped grow your relationship/friendship? 

** What do you think is the key to a long lasting friendship?

And with that - hugs my dear friend and until next time!

~Crystal

Today's blogger is Crystal J. Casavant-Otto who is a hot mess of a momma and dairy farmer enjoying her little corner of the cornfield in Wisconsin! 

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2 comments conversation about life, friendship, life lessons, relationships

No Pain, No Gain?

Every once in a while, I am faced with a professional opportunity that gets me a little uncomfortable in my personal life. When an author approaches WOW! requesting a book blog tour, the first thing Nicole or I do is ask to read the book. We won't commit to manage a tour until we've found out for ourselves what's on those pages. I'm usually very excited to get my eyes on those lovely pages - especially if the book hasn't even been released to the public yet! I get those same butterflies of excitement that I had when Andy asked me to the Junior Prom in the 90's!

When I heard about Mindful Dementia Care by Ruth Dennis, I didn't have butterflies. I had a knot in my belly and as I read through the description, I had to remind myself to breathe. I was on the board for the Walk to End Alzheimer's, I've helped care for Dementia and Alzheimer's patients. This book should be a welcome read - right?

Not this time...

I learned about this book just weeks after visiting my special Aunt in her new nursing home. I learned about this book just a week before we put her home on the market. I learned about this book during the same time period my children were asking "why did Auntie call me Crystal? I'm not you". As I replied that I would welcome the opportunity to read Mindful Dementia Care, I kept telling myself to breathe. I could hear the wise words of my Daddy:

**One Foot in Front of the Other Pumpkin

**No Pain no Gain

**Things Worth Having Don't Come Easy

Thank goodness for those wise words. I asked for a copy of the book. I read each page...I laughed. I cried. I learned things about myself and my journey as I read about the journey of others. I no longer felt alone. I became the Blog Tour Manager of the WOW! Tour for Mindful Dementia Care.

The next bit of pain came as I approached readers/authors/bloggers and they responded with "it hits a little too close to home right now" or "I don't think I could get through this particular book". When I responded with "I understand" - I meant that from the bottom of my heart, but I want to go on record saying that sometimes getting out of your comfort zone can be very comforting. Isn't that ironic?

If you are thinking this particular book is just for caregivers or families of Dementia patients - you are wrong. This is a book that will benefit each and every one of us as humans. It's a lovely reminder to find joy in the little things and to cherish each moment. It's a lesson about patience, love, humanity, and respect - and can't this wold use more of that?

So - in closing - as my daddy told me growing up:

No Pain, No Gain!

I moved past my personal pain and I gained so much perspective by being part of Mindful Dementia Care - thank you Daddy for your wisdom, Aunt Dorothy for those moments when you remember my name, and Ruth, Velma, and Luke for writing this beautiful book!


xoxoxo
Crystal Otto




About the Book:

Mindful Dementia Care is a book of stories and a book of love. It is a book without denial, without any papering over of the challenges that can be involved with being a caregiver, and the sadness, anger, and frustration they may bring. It is also a life-changing source of information that can revolutionize relationships with one of the most vulnerable populations in our midst. In her decades as a caregiver, Ruth Dennis witnessed the tragic results of the medicalized and institutionalized way of caring for people with dementia. And equally clearly, she saw a better way. Mindful Dementia Care illustrates alternative methods for making a difference and achieving results through care that honors the whole person. The key is creating an environment with countless enriching touchstones to the inner person through facilities that are filled with art, animal companions, music, dance, books, laughter, and wholesome food. It is an approach that embraces creative and artistic processes to shape a more loving, spiritual approach for elders and their families.

Print Length: 170 pages
Publisher: Golden Word Books (February 26, 2019)
Publication Date: February 19, 2019
ISBN-10: 1948749149
ISBN-13: 978-1948749145
ASIN: B07NXV95TT

Mindful Dementia Care: Lost and Found in the Alzheimer's Forest is available in print and as an ebook at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and your local independent bookstore.



About the Authors:

Ruth Dennis :
In her decades as a caregiver, Ruth Dennis witnessed the tragic results of the medicalized and institutionalized way of caring for people with dementia. And equally clearly, she saw a better way. Mindful Dementia Care illustrates alternative methods for making a difference and achieving results through care that honors the whole person. The key is creating an environment with countless enriching touchstones to the inner person through facilities that are filled with art, animal companions, music, dance, books, laughter, and wholesome food. It is an approach that embraces creative and artistic processes to shape a more loving, spiritual approach for elders and their families.

Ruth Dennis has worked in mental health, the arts, and community education for over twenty-five years. She is a Certified Dementia Practitioner and, for the past two decades, has worked closely with palliative care, hospice, and grief support. Central to Ruth’s life is her role as caregiver to her brother Morgan, who has Down Syndrome. He is the bravest man she has ever known.

Velma Arellano:
Velma Arellano, MA, CDP, CALA, Director of Operations, has been working in elder care for the past 2 decades, and is the longest standing administrator in Santa Fe. She has overseen $2 million in construction and design to create two state of the art, intentional Alzheimer’s Care homes in New Mexico, and very recently acquired a third, non-Alzheimer’s, 14 bed, cozy, Assisted Living Bungalow in Santa Fe. The latter, Vista Hermosa is drawing on the cutting edge of culture change by incorporating the ideas of permaculture with elder care. Both Memory Care homes are the only two Eden Alternative Registered homes in New Mexico, and Vista Hermosa is well on its way. Eden Alternative is the honor society of long term care, and is an International Movement which truly changes the culture of how we care for our elders. Velma introduced “real” pets to our homes for elders to enjoy, goats, chickens, peacocks, and recently a 10-week-old German Sheppard puppy named Silver.

Ms. Arellano is a certified assisted living administrator (CALA), Certified Dementia Practitioner through the National Council of Certified Dementia Practitioners (NCCDP), and an Eden Alternative Associate. Velma has served on the board of Directors of the New Mexico Alzheimer’s Association and was only one 7 citizens who started the first Annual Walk to End Alzheimer’s in Santa Fe, Espanola and Los Alamos. She is a member of the 305th annual Fiesta’s de Santa Fe Council and was instrumental in the legislative passage of Helen’s Law. This law protects endangered elders, which eventually gave attention to the Silver Alert Program, like Amber Alert, but for memory impaired adults. Ms. Arellano is also a member of the National Biodynamic Association (Tierra Viva) and the Earth Citizens Organization (ECO) and is committed to mindful living and a sustainable world. Velma is active with Shim-Sung, Brain Yoga. Shim meaning heart, and Sung meaning open.
Ms. Arellano holds a Masters Degree in Agency Counseling and Psychology from New Mexico Highlands University and Bachelor’s Degree in Television Broadcast Journalism/ Mass Communication and Spanish.

As a volunteer, Velma is a member of the New Mexico Health Care Association and NM Assisted Living Task Force Committee (NMHCAALF) . She sits at the table making her voice heard in guiding NMHCAALF’s advocacy in the New Mexico long-term care delivery system. She helps identify and establish policies and provide resources that give people a real opportunity to improve the quality of life and quality of care in New Mexico’s frail elderly and intellectually-disabled populations.

Luke Nachtrab:
Luke Nachtrab, Owner, is a father of 3 children (Joey, Kate and Molly) and married to his lovely wife Kara. They currently live in Sylvania, OH where they were both raised and where Vista Living Home Office is based. He started his career shortly after completing his undergraduate degree at The Ohio State University. As first employee of Northaven, the Nachtrab Family Business Management Company, Luke created an infrastructure to manage approximately 75 residential properties in the Toledo, OH area. Assuming operations of Vista Living, the family assisted living facilities in 2004 (www.vistaliving.com) his passion and love for the elderly, particularly those walking with forgetfulness, and their families began to flourish. He was named President of Vista Living Communities in 2011 where he utilizes his background to maintain the highest standards of care for those with Alzheimer’s. Moving his young family to Santa Fe for 4 months in 2014 he began to set the company up for growth. His passion for this business and making a positive impact on those with Dementia and their families is evident in his approach and philosophies. Using values taught by his parents he brings integrity and compassion to business. With this as a guide he operates VLC as a business second; always trying to do what is right despite potential impact on the business.

Luke has a wide a diverse business background being intimately involved in executive leadership with global internet businesses, restaurants, real estate and logistics. He has been on numerous organizational boards in the Toledo area. He currently serves on the St John’s Jesuit High School Board and Finance Committee. Engaging with the Industry he is also active on Argentum, panels on their mission to Expand Senior Living.

Continuously improving, Luke has completed many non-degree courses in the last 15 years and in 2011 completed his MBA from the University of Michigan Ross School of Business. He is an instrument rated pilot, loves skiing, golfing, soccer, squash, fishing, culture, traveling, watching The Buckeye’s and being Dad! He looks forward to raising his children to someday be involved with the business.

Find Mindful Dementia Care Online:

Website:
https://www.mindfuldementiacare.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/VistaLivingCare/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/VistaLivingCare

Goodreads:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44643108-mindful-dementia-care

Today's post was written by Crystal J. Casavant-Otto

Crystal is a secretary, council secretary, financial secretary, and musician at her church, birth mother, Auntie, babywearing cloth diapering mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband and their five youngest children (Carmen 12, Andre 10, Breccan 5, Delphine 4, and baby Eudora who somehow turned 1 not long ago), two dogs, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff here, and at her personal blog - Crystal is dedicated to turning life's lemons into lemonade!

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2 comments aging, alzheimers, comfort zone, dementia, emotions, growing, love, mindful dementia care, relationships

Turning Off - and Tuning In

In a recent vlog I shared with my children, ZDoggMD shared his thoughts about anxiety and depression in children and one part in particular sticks with me. This was my takeaway:

When we were growing up, we dealt with peer pressure and bullying in school, but once we got home, it was done - we were in a safe place. With social media on their smart phones, today's generation (girls in particular) and surrounded by this pressure 24 hours a day.

I never thought about it that way - did you?

When I think about kids and smart phones, I am more concerned with photos being taken in bathrooms and locker rooms, or possibly cheating on a test or being distracted by a text from home. I didn't think about the increase in anxiety and depression which is leading to an increase in suicides.

Now this information is out there, and I feel we are obligated to do something about it. Each family has to decide what the magic age is. We also need to decide if our children need phones or smart phones - being able to reach an adult is one thing, but having complete access to social media is (or should be) a separate issue altogether. I feel the first thing we should do though is think back to the profound thought about a safe place. Do we set an example with this? Do we come home from work and step away from the bombardment of social media, emails, text messages, etc...?

I struggle with this. Do you? 

If the constant connection is causing increased anxiety and depression in our children - could it be doing the same thing to us as adults? The way I see it, there's two separate issues going on with this:

"Keeping up with the Jones's" - The example in the video refers to knowing about a party and seeing photos and fun but knowing you weren't invited. This exact scenario happens to adults. We look at the photos and comments from our circle of friends and acquaintances and it would appear they have more time for vacations, more money for new furniture, they are eating at the most posh restaurants, attending the latest concerts and sporting events, and suddenly we aren't as satisfied with our family game night, our minivan, and a quiet walk in the woods.

"Tuning Out" - If we are tuned in to our smart phone, our emails, our instagram, the snapchat, the latest youtube video, etc... we aren't tuned in to what is right in front of us. We are setting a poor example for those around us, but even more important, we are sending a loud message that all of that "stuff" is important. If we are constantly on our phones we are sending the message:

The important stuff is happening in the virtual world.

Let that sink in for a little bit. We can rationalize all we want about doing work to pay the bills, or checking in at the office, but at the end of the day, those people who matter most are seeing less an less of our eyes and our smile as we concentrate on that screen.

What can we do to be the change we wish to see in the world? What can we do to help those around us feel important?

Let's start by turning off our devices and tuning in. You don't have to spend the entire weekend holding hands and singing songs around a campfire while your emails pile up in your inbox - let's start small. Consider turning off your phone during meals. I've found it helpful to be intentional about it. When we sit down for a meal, I'll turn my phone off and throw it on the charger while announcing "you guys get my undivided attention - my phone is off until after lunchtime" and my older children roll their eyes, but deep down I like to think they appreciate the lack of distraction.

How do you turn off and tune in with your friends and family? What's worked for you? Do you turn off while you're writing so you can concentrate? Why or why not?

Crystal is a secretary, council secretary, and musician at her church, birth mother and auntie, babywearing cloth diapering mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband and their five youngest children (Carmen 11, Andre 10, Breccan 5, Delphine 3, and baby Eudora who somehow turned 1 already), two dogs, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and making it extraordinary, blogging, reading, reviewing, and baking here and at her personal blog - Crystal is dedicated to turning life's lemons into lemonade!

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1 comment anxiety, connecting, Family, parenting, relationships, smart phone use, tuning in, turning off

How Do You Effectively Communicate in 2017?

I was going to write a profound article about how dreams are so important in our writing lives and how I endorse napping as a work event. Then I changed my mind and was going to write something about not letting the opinions of others determine how you feel about a book, your work, yourself, etc...and use a catchy title or quote from Gone with the Wind (ie: "Frankly, My Dear, I don't give a damn." ) and as I was pondering, I heard a noise outside the kitchen window. I'm easily distracted so I went to check out the noise (and put on the kettle for a cup of tea) and here is what I found (see pic on right):

I spent a good ten minutes watching these two and decided that it's time we have a chat about effective communication. These two are still at it outside and boy are they loud...but in the time I watched them, I was very confused about what was going on. The cat on the left is a pregnant female and the cat on the right is a young male. They are screaming at one another and the male is clearly the aggressor as you can see the female is backed into a corner. She isn't helpless however and she isn't backing down. Both tails are still wagging happily and their ears are upright. At first glance one might think he is courting her but keep in mind she is already pregnant. I still have no idea what they are doing, and I have no intention of going back to become a cat psychologist. However, these two are clearly communicating with one another and that's what matters most.

The cat fight left me asking myself:
Have you ever had a disagreement with a friend? Are you the Rory Gilmore who wants to talk it out and make it all better or are you Lucy who needs some time to yourself to sort things out? (from Season 7 of the Gilmore Girls). Are you always one or the other or can you be both? Have you ever had a miscommunication with a co-worker, associate, or friend? Could that miscommunication been avoided with effective and clear communication? Could you say something differently or do something better that would eliminate or reduce these errors in the future?

I think we can all agree we've had a communication breakdown at some point in our lives and the human race as a whole could benefit from clearer communication. My head is still spinning trying to figure out how we do this though.

When I was growing up, effective communication wasn't quite as tricky as it is today. We had telephones (and they were connected to the wall if you must know), letters (that were stamped and mailed), in person conversations, and then these intricately folded notes we would pass back and forth in the halls at school. If you were talking on the phone or speaking in person you could watch someone's body language or listen to the tone of their voice and know if your message was being received in the way you intended it. With our written letters and notes, you could read and re-read what you wrote to make sure it would make sense. These aren't fool-proof and we still had disagreements and communication breakdowns, but they were few and far between.

Fast forward to 2017...

I'm not even sure how to effectively communicate in the present age. There's snap chat, twitter, facebook, messenger, tinder, texting, instagram, and the list goes on and on. I recently offended someone and lost a long time friend because she thought an article I wrote was about her. Even though I explained that it wasn't, the damage was done. A simple social media post can be interpreted many different ways (- especially if you post those vague updates that are seeking attention but that's a different article entirely).

I'm here as a mother, writer, businesswoman, friend, daughter, and wife...and I'm begging of you - leave some comments, suggestions, and ideas of how I can effectively communication in 2017. How can I teach my children to effectively communicate? What works and what doesn't work?

On a side note, the cats have resolved their issues and my tea is delicious. Enjoy your weekend and thanks for being such awesome readers, writers, followers and friends!

Hugs,
~Crystal

Crystal is a secretary and musician at her church, babywearing cloth diapering mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Manitowoc County, Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 10, Andre 8, Breccan 3, Delphine 2, and baby E due this fall), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff here, and on her personal blog about turning life's lemons into lemonade!

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4 comments communicating, effective communication, emailing, friendships, frustration, miscommunication, relationships, social media, texting

Social Media - Friend or Foe?

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a dozen times: “Without social media, my happiness level would be much much lower.”


What? Wait? Lower? You ask…

When I make that statement, I often am met with a furrowed brow and curious expression. People have come back with assumptions that it must be because I work from home and/or that’s how I make money, make contacts, etc… I suppose a piece of the puzzle might be the extra income social media generates for me, but the human factor is much more important. If you’ve read my previous posts about being content and not comparing yourself to others, you’ll know that I’m an optimist. As an optimist, I should be able to find joy with or without social media. The part of me that craves social media is the human side. The empathetic part of my being needs to be part of a circle.

The same empathetic part of me struggles with social media, but I am getting better at just scrolling past anything that looks like it might be sad or ugly. I have found immeasurable joy in groups I have found on Facebook, LinkedIn, and GoodReads. If you haven’t discovered groups, you’re really missing out on the joyful part of social media. For example, there is a group for breastfeeding moms, unicorn moms, attachment parents, local gardeners, bakers, cloth diaper families, music lovers, organists, and that is just to name a few.

If you are having trouble with XYZ in your life, just query it on social media and I bet you’ll find a group of likeminded individuals or those going through a similar situation. There are cancer survivor groups, diabetes groups, spouses of alcoholic groups, and the list goes on and on.

If you have an unlimited amount of time to spend in person with your friends, then never mind anything I’ve said. However, if you are busy and trying to juggle too many balls, you may be just like me where you need a friend at 2am because you can’t quite figure out why the baby has a temperature or why the fridge smells weird. Social media never sleeps. There is always a friend out there to chat, bounce and idea off, or just lend a listening ear or sympathetic shoulder.

I went from being in a business setting with nearly 100 women, to being a stay at home mom. If it weren’t for social media and the relationships I’ve developed, I’m afraid to say that I’d be lonely. My husband works long hours, my kids don’t appreciate me anymore than they should at their age(s), and it’s so nice to lean on other people. Before you poo-poo the internet and social media, check out some groups and affiliate yourself with some positive online friends.

Do you have any favorite groups you’d recommend to others? How did you hear about them? Is social media a happy place for you? Share your thoughts and comments – we absolutely love hearing from you!

Crystal is a church musician, babywearing mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Manitowoc County, Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 9, Andre 8, Breccan 2, and Delphine 1), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff at:http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/ and http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/

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2 comments Facebook, facebook groups, friends, linkedin, online relationships, relationships, social, social media, time management

My Little White Flag

Have you ever written a letter like this in your journal? In your head? This is a letter I would like to write, but I don't think I'd ever send it. What do you think? How do you mold your relationships? Are you a friend or an enabler?

Dear Friend,

I love that you look up to me so much that instead of googling something you pick up the phone and ask me for the answer. (Did you know, most of the time I have to google it too?)

I enjoy talking to you about what kind of poop is normal or how often your baby should breastfeed. (Do you remember me giving you the kellymom.com website? I was hoping you'd start looking that stuff up for yourself.)

I'm glad you love my bread recipe enough to call me every time you make it. (I posted the recipes on my blog so you can find them and print them or whatever you want to do for yourself, remember me sending you the link TWICE?)

I work from home and answer my phone each time it rings, respond promptly to text messages and emails, and my door is always open. Well...at least all of those things WERE true.

If I really am comprised of the 5 people I spend most of my time with, I feel I need to be cautious with my time. You should be cautious with yours too. I need to guard myself and what I need is more light, life, and laughter in my world. I need more people who say "Crystal, how are you today?" instead of "Hey Crystal, I need _______ today". I'm sure you'll agree, I deserve that, and so do you!

I love doing these things. I love being your person. I love YOU! The problem right now, is all this caring for you has left me falling behind and feeling empty. I'm going to set some boundaries in hopes our relationship will become stronger. I've hopefully given you the tools you need to do things on your own - I have confidence in you! 

I can't wait to see where our relationship takes us next and I'm hoping you'll drop by soon with a smile and we can have an uplifting chat!

Love,
Crystal

Please leave your comments below - let us know if you've ever had to take action to help stay focused? Do you have people in your life who you love but feel the need to distance yourself from? How have these relationships impacted your writing career? Thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions?

Crystal is a church musician, babywearing mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Manitowoc County, Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 9, Andre 7, Breccan 2, and Delphine 1), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins. In the picture on the left, she is visiting with her neighbors who are sheep farmers - you can see 3 of her littles as well as she and her handsome husband. Thanks to her Lillebaby carrier, she is able to have lots of fun!


In addition to playing in the hay and petting bottle lambs, you can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff at:http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/ and http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/

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6 comments enabler, enabling, friendships, helper, helping, letter to a friend, relationships, writer's block, writing

Love and The Commitment Phobe: Interview with Relationship Expert Emily Wilcox (and Book Giveaway!)

Valentine's Day can be a romantic celebration for those in a relationship, but what if your man doesn't want to commit? If you're a single woman who can't seem to find The One, we have a special treat for you!

Today we're chatting with relationship expert Emily Wilcox about her latest book, The Commitment Phobe: It's not you…It's him. With humor and candor, this in-depth book finally explains how to spot a Commitment Phobe, what drives him to run away or cheat and how to finally break the cycle of a push/pull relationship and create lasting love.

Read the interview with Emily and enter to win your own copy of The Commitment Phobe in the Rafflecopter form below!

Emily Wilcox is a Relationship Expert and Author. She has contributed her expertise to publications such as FHM, Curve Magazine, The Huffington Post, The Advocate, About.com and was the resident advice columnist for Diva magazine. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and daughter.

Find out more about Emily by connecting with her online:

Twitter: @committolove

FaceBook: The Commitment Phobe


-----Interview by Crystal J. Otto

WOW: Such a catchy title and a great book, tell us Emily, what inspired you to write The Commitment Phobe?

Emily: I had a series of unhealthy relationships throughout my life and I was determined to find out why the characteristics were the same in each one. Many years ago in desperation, I walked to my local bookstore to get some answers on why this record kept playing over and over again in my life and I was dissatisfied with what I found. Several years later after my career began as a coach and a columnist, I serendipitously ended up writing the very book I was looking for that day.

WOW: I love that you took your experience and not only wrote down what you learned, but felt confident enough to share it with others! Maybe your experience can help us learn to spot a Commitment Phobe; What are the tell-tale signs?

Emily: In the beginning, the Commitment Phobe usually comes on very strong and charming, making a lot of empty promises. He then pulls away only to come back. He is emotionally unattainable, mysterious, confusing and elusive. He sometimes has one or more back-ups waiting in the wings and doesn’t let go of his exes easily. He is in and out, back and forth and always knows the right thing to say in the beginning. This guy is not necessarily a jerk. He is lost and confused—mostly about who he is and why he is so unhappy. He may enjoy pornography much more than the average guy due to his intimacy issues and he withdraws from sex toward the end of the relationship. More importantly, a woman with a high degree of self-love will not attract a Commitment Phobe into her life. So, in a sense, it is a tricky question. It takes two!

WOW: If only I had met you in the late 90's...sounds like you could have saved me from a practice marriage, but that's another story. Great tips and pointers Emily! 

In your book you talk about Fear vs. Love. What is the difference between a Love Addict and a Commitment Phobe? And can you give us an example or two of how fear affects their relationship?

Emily: Great question. Both the Commitment Phobe and the Love Addict have the same fears, but on the opposing spectrums. The Commitment Phobe consciously fears intimacy and subconsciously fears abandonment. The Love Addict is the opposite. In that regard, they are truly connected by their innermost fears and are drawn to each other like magnets. The Commitment Phobe abandons the Love Addict just as she fears…only to come back and repeat the cycle all over again until something drastic changes the course.

The fears they mutually have create insecurity, jealousy, manipulation and immense passion. One of them is pushing while the other is pulling. When the two briefly meet eye to eye, it feels unbelievably good. The highs are high and the lows are low!

WOW: Emily, you seriously described my entire first marriage in a matter of two paragraphs; you are definitely an expert!

Can a Commitment Phobe ever become a man in a committed, monogamous relationship--a Mr. Right? And if so, what are some things ladies can do to help him create lasting change?

Emily: This is the million-dollar question. The short answer is yes, as we are all capable of change. But like any change, acknowledging the problem is pertinent. The Commitment Phobe must first admit he has issues. The Love Addict must also see her part in it. The two can come together and help each other heal their past issues (typically both around abandonment), but they should only be responsible for cleaning up their own side of the street, not the other persons. A therapist can be very helpful in this situation. If you are in a relationship with a Commitment Phobe, the best thing you can do is practice self-love and stand up for what you deserve. Sometimes walking away will cause a Commitment Phobe to wake up and stop taking the relationship for granted. His sense of loss will be triggered. In that sense, it requires more of a cognitive approach.

WOW: Admitting our issues can be tough for any of us; you bring up some great points!

Your book is filled with fantastic relationship advice, as well as real life stories and experiences. How did you conduct the research and connect with the contributors in your book?

Emily: My clients and friends are the contributors for the end-of-chapter stories in my book. They are brave and strong women whom I have an immense amount of respect. Most of my research comes from my background in psychology, studying, reading a lot and of course, my own relationships. I was always fascinated with partnership and how and why we are magnetically drawn to the people in our lives. I have spent the majority of my life in very passionate relationships. It hit me one day that I had spent a couple of decades studying closely the various men in my life and I literally thought, “I have nothing to show for anything! I have spent my whole life analyzing and studying men! What a waste of time!” And that’s when my career was born.

When I started working with clients on topics like love addiction, codependency and commitment phobia, I noticed an underlying theme with every single relationship that I came across and heard about. That’s when I realized there was a real equation behind this. These two types of people who keep attracting each other is not accidental! It was a real awakening and that’s when I sat down to write The Commitment Phobe.

WOW: This brings me to the next question, and brings me back to the song lyrics "i bet you think this song is about you..." but really, do these Commitment Phobes recognize they are Commitment Phobes and how can we as friends help them either recognize or get past the phobia?

Emily: There are two main types of commitment phobes. One is very aware and conscious that he is not interested in committing and will often be very up front about it. These types have better access to transformation because they have introspection and are not living in denial. The other type is unaware, or unconscious, that he pushes intimacy and love away. He is the hardest to deal with because he is not interested in confronting his issues. This type is the one who will blame everyone else for his problems and accept little responsibility for his behaviors.

Getting the unconscious Commitment Phobe to recognize his problems is difficult. I mean, who really wants their issues pointed out to them? Who wants to be told they are “wrong”? It takes a lot of courage to look within and admit we are flawed. By the mere fact we are alive, we are flawed. Our childhood traumas, whether large or small, real or imagined, will label us with the stamp of imperfection. Spiritually, we are always in tact. And that is what can help us master the path. We can help a Commitment Phobe by helping ourselves…by being a living, breathing example of self-love and self respect. We can only change others by changing ourselves. And when approaching the topic, we can learn to be kind and caring without being a doormat.

WOW: I wonder how many Commitment Phobes will walk right past your book on the shelf at the store not realizing it's all about them? Very interesting.

Speaking of getting books on shelves, what advice can you give to authors looking to promote their nonfiction books?

Emily: Hire a great PR team! But if you can’t do that, tweet! A lot! Social media is not my strong suit, but I notice sales go up when I send out a quick tweet. There is a new generation out there who are proficient in social networking and I would seek the advice of one of them because it is a necessity for promoting. Promoting your own work and talking about how great your book is can be very difficult. That’s why a good publicist can work wonders and I am lucky to have the best. The hardest thing to do is promote your own non-fiction book because often times, people can see it as narcissistic. My book has information and answers that will help women and I have seen lives change because of it. But if I promote that, then I am being self-serving. When the truth is that I went through the deepest depths of despair and pain in order to have the information to write this book. I went there so that the reader wouldn’t have to. You don’t attain true wisdom by hanging out under rainbows.

Writers are often introverts by nature and introverts always have a story to tell. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable to your readers. The only way we can relate to them is by sharing our own damaged past because no one escapes this planet without one!

The Commitment Phobe: It's not you…It's him

In this game-changing book for female readers everywhere, Relationship Expert Emily Wilcox, reveals the shocking truth behind men who can’t commit and the perils of a push/pull relationship. With a new take on old relationship drama, The Commitment Phobe takes you on a journey through love, loss, heartache and transformation.

He was your knight in shining armor until your castle came crashing down. What ever happened to the man from the beginning? What went wrong? Did he ever love me? Is he coming back?

Startlingly real and wickedly funny, Wilcox goes where no self-help book has gone before. Her cut-to-the chase approach takes readers on a seamless journey through real life personal stories, commitment phobic types, cheating dilemmas and getting him to finally commit!

With humor and candor, this in-depth book finally explains how to spot a Commitment Phobe, what drives him to run away and how to finally break the cycle of a push/pull relationship and create lasting love. The Commitment Phobe is a Law of Attraction for relationships and a must-have for any woman who is recovering from heartbreak or looking for The One.

Whether single, dating, in a relationship or unlucky in love, there is an answer in The Commitment Phobe for every woman!

Author of International Best Seller of Creative Visualization, Shakti Gawain, says, “Emily has incredible insight. She is a true asset to the world of relationship. I have no doubt that Emily is here to help heal those whose lives she touches.”

“Emily Wilcox offers real hope and healing for women who want to be in a relationship but keep attracting men who won’t commit. A worthy read!” adds MJ Ryan, Bestselling author of Attitudes of Gratitude and The Power of Patience.

When it comes to relationships, The Commitment Phobe will change the relationship game once and for all.

Paperback: 278 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (December 23, 2014)
ISBN-10: 1468184512
ISBN-13: 978-1468184518

The Commitment Phobe is available for purchase at Amazon.

***** BOOK GIVEAWAY CONTEST *****

Enter to win a print copy of The Commitment Phobe by filling out the Rafflecopter form below! This giveaway contest ends February 21 at 12am EST. We will randomly select a winner the same day and follow up via email. Good luck!

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Crystal is a church musician, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Reedsville, Wisconsin with her husband, three young children (Carmen 7, Andre 6, Breccan 16 months), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, and over 200 Holsteins. The family is expecting a new addition any day now as they eagerly await the birth of another daughter, Delphine Elizabeth. You can find Crystal blogging and reviewing books and all sorts of other stuff at: http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/

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2 comments abandonment, author interview, book giveaway, Emily Wilcox, intimacy, love, love addict, relationship expert, relationships, The Commitment Phobe

David W Berner Launches his blog tour for Any Road Will Take You There: A Journey of Fathers and Sons

& giveaway contest!

Any Road Will Take You There: A Journey of Fathers and Sons is a heartwarming and heartbreaking story told with humor and grace, revealing the generational struggles and triumphs of being a dad, and the beautiful but imperfect ties that connect all of us.

Recipient of a Book of the Year Award from the Chicago Writers Association, Any Road Will Take You There is honest, unflinching, and tender.

In the tradition of the Great American Memoir, a middle-age father takes the reader on a five-thousand-mile road trip--the one he always wished he'd taken as a young man. Recently divorced and uncertain of the future, he rereads the iconic road story--Jack Kerouac's On the Road--and along with his two sons and his best friend, heads for the highway to rekindle his spirit.

However, a family secret turns the cross-country journey into an unexpected examination of his role as a father, and compels him to look to the past and the fathers who came before him to find contentment and clarity, and celebrate the struggles and triumphs of being a dad.

Paperback: 242 Pages
Genre: Memoir
Publisher: Dream of Things (September 17, 2014)
ASIN: B00NVBMDZ0
ISBN-10: 0988439093
ISBN-13: 978-0988439092

Twitter hashtag: #AnyRoadBook

Any Road Will Take You There: A Journey of Fathers and Sons is available as an e-book and paperback at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and IndieBound.

Book Giveaway Contest:
To win a copy of Any Road Will Take You There: A Journey of Fathers and Sons please enter using the Rafflecopter form at the bottom of this post. The giveaway contest closes this Friday, November 21st at 12:00 AM EST. We will announce the winner the same day in the Rafflecopter widget. Good luck!

About the Author: 

David W. Berner--the award winning author of Accidental Lessons and Any Road Will Take You There--was born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where he began his work as a broadcast journalist and writer. He moved to Chicago to work as a radio reporter and news anchor for CBS Radio and later pursue a career as a writer and educator. His book Accidental Lessons is about his year teaching in one of the Chicago area's most troubled school districts. The book won the Golden Dragonfly Grand Prize for Literature and has been called a "beautiful, elegantly written book" by award-winning author Thomas E. Kennedy, and "a terrific memoir" by Rick Kogan (Chicago Tribune and WGN Radio). Any Road Will Take You There is the author's story of a 5000-mile road trip with his sons and the revelations of fatherhood. The memoir has been called "heartwarming and heartbreaking" and "a five-star wonderful read."

David can be found online at:

Website: www.davidwberner.com

Twitter: @davidwberner

Twitter: @anyroadbook

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/David-W-Berner-Writer/190345939480

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/david.w.berner

-----Interview by Crystal J. Otto

WOW: David, thank you for choosing WOW! for your tour. This has been such a pleasure for me! Who has been most influential in your writing career? And how so?

David: There have been many. Great authors have certainly spurred me on. Hemmingway, Kerouac, even the poets Billy Collins and W.B. Yeats. So have great songwriters: Dylan, McCartney, and some wonderful new songwriters with bands like Dawes and Iron & Wine. Music and wonderful lyrics have made an immense impact on my writing. It’s the lyrical aspect. There’s music in words even without musical notes. I love prose and poetry that moves like a song. It inspires me.

But more than anything, everyday people and the people closest to me have been very strong influences. Working as a journalist, I see incredible stories all the time, stories of humanity and triumph and tragedy. Those stories inspire me. But there’s also my mother, who was a voracious reader and encouraged me to both read and write. And of course, there are my sons. They continually motivate and encouragement me to keep telling stories one way or another.

WOW: Motivation and encouragement is so important in all areas of life. Speaking of life and lessons, what advice would your current self offer to your previous self?

David: Don’t be in such a hurry. I worked in daily journalism for so many years and I expected the publishing world to move as quickly as that industry does. I expected, even though I knew better, that drafts and edits would happen more quickly, that story ideas and narratives would come more easily. The truth is you need time, time to think, walk around, experience, breath. Time to savor the stories. Slow down.

WOW: Sounds like solid advice, and speaking of publishing, what prompted you to go there with your story? What made you want to publish Any Road Will Take You There?

David: I believed my first book–Accidental Lessons–the story of being a new teacher was truly universal in its deeper meanings. Although it is about a year teaching in a troubled school district, and clearly appeals to educators, the bigger idea is about renewal and the reinvention of the spirit. We all can relate to that. But my sons are the ones who got me to see that. They are the ones who encouraged to write the book and see that so many people would find the story relevant to their lives, teachers or not.

WOW: Lessons taught to us by our children--what a gift! Thanks for sharing your story and helping teach others. What’s next for you?

David: All kind of stuff, I guess. I like doing different things. I’m involved in a songwriting competition. We’ll see where that goes. I play guitar and I occasionally write music. The songs are just my way of expressing something in another way. It’s mostly for fun.

My publisher, Dream of Things, is releasing a book of my essays in the spring of 2015. It’s a collection about the connection between our lives and our pets. These are not necessarily sentimentalized stories of cute cats or loyal puppies, but rather the deeper tales about how our souls can be shaped by the animals in our lives.

I also have a novel I’m hoping to get out there soon. Looking for a publisher. It’s entitled Night Radio and it’s the story of a young man in the early 1970s, during that wonderful period when music truly was the soundtrack of a generation, and his dreams of being a radio sage. The character makes a mistake that changes his life and compels him to broadcast a unique and unforgettable New Year’s Eve show that forces him to face his past. It was fun writing about an industry I grew up in and still work in today. I still do broadcast work for CBS and occasionally for public radio.

WOW: No dull moments at the Berner house I guess, wow! Since we are sharing, what is something readers may not know about you?

David: I cry when I hear Joni Mitchell’s “A Case of You.”
I am a rabid Steelers fan, even though I live in Chicago.
I want to visit Cuba someday.

WOW: David, I am a firm believer in networking and support. Have you been in any writing or reading group and what are your thoughts on writers groups or book clubs?

David: I am a member of the Chicago Writers Association and they are wonderful, truly a good group for networking and support. I’ve been involved with a couple others from time to time. Honestly though, I’m not extremely active. I love CWA, but I’m not that big of a joiner.

On book clubs, well, I’ve never been in one. But I have spoken at a few, clubs that have read one of my books. That’s a hoot. Would love to do more of that.

WOW: When did you know you were an author?

David: I like to think of myself as a writer, more than an author. An author implies a level of marketing and sales. So, when did I know I was a writer? When I was a little kid and wrote my first book in 2nd grade. It was this little story I wrote about a Cyclops and deep-sea explorers that was turned into a little paper Mache book as part of a class project. I loved that book. Still have it. But a professional writer? Probably when I held the first copy of my memoir Accidental Lessons in my hands.

WOW: I hope you know you’ve graduated to writer and author status – you’re a big deal David! How do you celebrate your writing victories?

David: Quietly, with a glass of wine and a smile.

WOW: Be looking for that next email from me – you’ll have to let us know what wine you’ll be drinking this evening as your blog tour launches!

If your book were a movie, what song would be included? And why?

David: If we’re talking about Any Road Will Take You There, we could easily fall into clichés, right? “On the Road Again” and so many other road songs come to mind. But there’s one Bob Dylan song that I truly believe says it all. The chorus, or refrain in “My Back Pages” is “I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.” That’s a statement about rebirth, transformation, and renewal of the spirit. I like that a lot.

WOW: Now those songs will be going through my head all day – you won’t hear me complaining! Thank you for sharing and for choosing WOW! David, this tour has been such a pleasure!

----------Blog Tour Dates

Monday, November 17 @ The Muffin
Stop by for an interview and book giveaway!
http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/

Tuesday, November 18 @ Choices
Join David Berner as he offers insight into writing about your life and choosing what to write about. David shares his thoughts with Madeline Sharples and readers of Choices. Learn more about Berner and his memoir, Any Road Will Take You There: A Journey of Fathers and Sons.
http://madelinesharples.com/

Wednesday, November 19 @ Jerry Waxler
Join memoirist Jerry Waxler as he reviews David W. Berner's memoir, Any Road Will Take You There: A Journey of Fathers and Sons.
http://www.jerrywaxler.com/

Thursday, November 20 @ All Things Audry
Today is the day to catch up with David W Berner and his WOW! tour as he stops by All Things Audry with the guest post topic of "The Allure and Redemptive Nature of Road Trips". Read this post and find out more about Berner's memoir Any Road Will Take You There.
http://allthingsaudry.blogspot.com/

Friday, November 21 @ National Association of Memoir Writers
David W Berner shares his thoughts in a guest post at National Association of Memoir Writers and shares "How to balance the story with what can be the sometimes intrusive nature of writing about family". Hear from David W. Berner about this and find out more about his memoir Any Road Will Take You There: A Journey of Fathers and Sons.
http://namw.org/blog/

Tuesday, November 25 @ Create Write Now
David W Berner stops at Create Write Now as he shares a guest post with Mari McCarthy and her readers. Learn more about Berner's book Any Road Will Take You There: A journey of fathers and sons and read his insightful post about "How to incorporate reflective moments in memoir or creative nonfiction."
http://www.createwritenow.com/journal-writing-blog

Wednesday, November 26 @ Lauren Scharhag
David W. Berner and his memoir, Any Road Will Take You There: A journey of fathers and sons make a stop to share thoughts about being a writer in residence with Lauren Scharhag and her readers. This is a blog stop you won't want to miss!
http://www.laurenscharhag.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, November 26 @ Lisa Haselton
Join Lisa Haselton as she interviews David W. Berner about Any Road Will Take You There: A journey of fathers and sons. David has also offered an ebook copy of his book for a giveaway; so don't miss this great blog stop!
http://lisahaseltonsreviewsandinterviews.blogspot.com/

Friday, November 28 @ Words by Webb
Jodi Webb interviews David W. Berner about his memoir Any Road Will Take You There: A journey of fathers and sons.
http://jodiwebb.com/

Monday, December 1 @ Renee’s Pages
David W. Berner writes today's guest post at Renee's Pages where h talks about "What Broadcast Journalism Taught Me About Parenting". Learn more about David W. Berner and his memoir Any Road Will Take You There: A journey of fathers and sons.
http://reneespages.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, December 2 @ Chynna Laird
David W. Berner shares his thoughts as he writes today's guest post at Chynna Laird Author Blog. Hear about "How Accidental Lessons Changed My Life" and learn more about David W. Berner and his popular memoir Any Road Will Take You There: A journey of fathers and sons.
http://www.chynnalairdauthor.ca

Thursday, December 4 @ Romance Junkies
David W Berner is interviewed by Romance Junkies. Find out more about Berner and his memoir Any Road Will Take You There.
http://www.romancejunkies.com/rjblog/

Monday, December 8 @ CMash Reads
David W. Berner writes today's post at CMash Reads as he writes about how to be disciplined with writing - - writing like you workout. Don't miss this guest post as you find out more about his memoir Any Road Will Take You There and register for a giveaway so you can read your own copy David's book!
http://cmashlovestoread.com/

Tuesday, December 9 @Sioux’s Page
David W. Berner stops by Sioux's Page to talk more about his memoir Any Road Will Take You There and also provide some insight into his experience publishing with Dream of Things and how he came to choose this publisher.
http://siouxspage.blogspot.com/

Friday, December 12 @ Sherrey Meyer
David W. Berner takes his WOW! blog tour to Sherrey Meyer's blog with a guest post topic "Writing about the living and writing about the dead. How to be true to both. " Hear what David has to say as you learn more about his memoir Any Road Will Take You There.
http://sherreymeyer.com/blog/

Monday, Dec ember 15 @ Kathleen Pooler
Stop by Kathleen Pooler's blog, Memoir Writer's Journey today to learn more about David W. Berner and his memoir and read David's guest post about "The unique connection between fathers and sons."
http://krpooler.com/

Keep up with blog stops and giveaways in real time by following us on Twitter @WOWBlogTour.

Get Involved! If you have a website or blog and would like to host one of our touring authors or schedule a tour of your own, please email us at blogtour@wow-womenonwriting.com.

*****BOOK GIVEAWAY*****

Enter to win a copy of Any Road Will Take You There by David W Berner! Just fill out the Rafflecopter form below. We will announce the winner in the Rafflecopter widget this Friday, November 21st!

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2 comments david berner, david w berner, Family, fathers and sons, memoir, parenting, relationships, road trip

Virtual Relationship Building

I’m pretty sure every business and marketing class I’ve ever taken had a little something to say about the importance of relationship building. Relationships have changed through the years, much in the same way brick and mortar businesses have. As businesses embrace social media for marketing, it is important to also embrace a new type of relationship building – Virtual Relationship Building.
Most of the people I work with (authors doing blog tours, business owners promoting products and services, local businesses advertising on social media, etc…) are people I’ve never met. I use three key elements to help make our relationship as meaningful as it would be if we were neighbors.

Put a Face with the Name. This may sound unusual, but I need to know what you look like and I want you to know what I look like. I have pictures of myself and my family on my website and I’ve taken special care to choose the right pictures. My photos tell you a little bit about me as a mother, wife, and business woman. There are pictures on my desk in my office. They are not pictures of my family and friends, they are pictures of the ladies and gentlemen I am working with. I was taught that eye contact is very important and I like to look at you when I type something … hopefully this technique makes my emails more meaningful to you as well. (When I’m typing a blog post or something to a group, I picture a conference room filled with the people from my audience).

Provide Extra Value. We all enjoy receiving more than we expect (ie: the package that offers 20% more, the Christmas Bonus at work, etc…). I like to provide this in a virtual relationship as well. Since I can’t exactly take each of you out for coffee, I have to be more creative. If you ask me to read and review your book, I’m likely going to do just that and then…I’m going to tell my friends about it, run a giveaway on my blog and buy a copy for a follower, or post the review on multiple sites instead of just the one you requested. I don’t do this expecting to receive anything in return, it’s just plain good businesses and it’s how I would want to be treated.

Make Time. If a friend calls, you wouldn’t hit ‘ignore’ on your smart phone unless you were doing something super important, would you? I’d even interrupt a mani/pedi for a friend…but might let it go to voicemail if I were at the Dr. Office. Similarly, just because an email comes through ‘after hours’ or late at night, I wouldn’t let it wait until morning. You want to let people know they are important. I could tell you you’re important, but the best way to let you know is to SHOW you. I show people they are important by answering emails promptly, being available for questions, and by setting and adhering to deadlines. Of course, I’m not perfect and things happen…and communication is key. If I can’t get it done when promised, I’ll let you know what happened and set a new goal.
Of course last but not least is communication and since that is key in every relationship (virtual or otherwise) I won’t go into it. However, I’d like to hear from you. What do you do to make your virtual relationships as extraordinary as possible? Tell us what you like and dislike about virtual relationships you’ve had in the past – comments are awesome – thanks!

Crystal is a church musician, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Reedsville, Wisconsin with her husband, three young children (Carmen 6, Andre 5, Breccan 5 months), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, and over 200 Holsteins. You can find Crystal blogging and reviewing books and all sorts of other stuff at: http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/

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5 comments building relationships, business relationships, provide value, relationships, virtual relationship