Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

No Pain, No Gain?

Saturday, May 04, 2019

Every once in a while, I am faced with a professional opportunity that gets me a little uncomfortable in my personal life. When an author approaches WOW! requesting a book blog tour, the first thing Nicole or I do is ask to read the book. We won't commit to manage a tour until we've found out for ourselves what's on those pages. I'm usually very excited to get my eyes on those lovely pages - especially if the book hasn't even been released to the public yet! I get those same butterflies of excitement that I had when Andy asked me to the Junior Prom in the 90's!

When I heard about Mindful Dementia Care by Ruth Dennis, I didn't have butterflies. I had a knot in my belly and as I read through the description, I had to remind myself to breathe. I was on the board for the Walk to End Alzheimer's, I've helped care for Dementia and Alzheimer's patients. This book should be a welcome read - right?

Not this time...

I learned about this book just weeks after visiting my special Aunt in her new nursing home. I learned about this book just a week before we put her home on the market. I learned about this book during the same time period my children were asking "why did Auntie call me Crystal? I'm not you". As I replied that I would welcome the opportunity to read Mindful Dementia Care, I kept telling myself to breathe. I could hear the wise words of my Daddy:

**One Foot in Front of the Other Pumpkin

**No Pain no Gain

**Things Worth Having Don't Come Easy

Thank goodness for those wise words. I asked for a copy of the book. I read each page...I laughed. I cried. I learned things about myself and my journey as I read about the journey of others. I no longer felt alone. I became the Blog Tour Manager of the WOW! Tour for Mindful Dementia Care.

The next bit of pain came as I approached readers/authors/bloggers and they responded with "it hits a little too close to home right now" or "I don't think I could get through this particular book". When I responded with "I understand" - I meant that from the bottom of my heart, but I want to go on record saying that sometimes getting out of your comfort zone can be very comforting. Isn't that ironic?

If you are thinking this particular book is just for caregivers or families of Dementia patients - you are wrong. This is a book that will benefit each and every one of us as humans. It's a lovely reminder to find joy in the little things and to cherish each moment. It's a lesson about patience, love, humanity, and respect - and can't this wold use more of that?

So - in closing - as my daddy told me growing up:

No Pain, No Gain!

I moved past my personal pain and I gained so much perspective by being part of Mindful Dementia Care - thank you Daddy for your wisdom, Aunt Dorothy for those moments when you remember my name, and Ruth, Velma, and Luke for writing this beautiful book!


xoxoxo
Crystal Otto




About the Book:

Mindful Dementia Care is a book of stories and a book of love. It is a book without denial, without any papering over of the challenges that can be involved with being a caregiver, and the sadness, anger, and frustration they may bring. It is also a life-changing source of information that can revolutionize relationships with one of the most vulnerable populations in our midst. In her decades as a caregiver, Ruth Dennis witnessed the tragic results of the medicalized and institutionalized way of caring for people with dementia. And equally clearly, she saw a better way. Mindful Dementia Care illustrates alternative methods for making a difference and achieving results through care that honors the whole person. The key is creating an environment with countless enriching touchstones to the inner person through facilities that are filled with art, animal companions, music, dance, books, laughter, and wholesome food. It is an approach that embraces creative and artistic processes to shape a more loving, spiritual approach for elders and their families.

Print Length: 170 pages
Publisher: Golden Word Books (February 26, 2019)
Publication Date: February 19, 2019
ISBN-10: 1948749149
ISBN-13: 978-1948749145
ASIN: B07NXV95TT

Mindful Dementia Care: Lost and Found in the Alzheimer's Forest is available in print and as an ebook at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and your local independent bookstore.



About the Authors:

Ruth Dennis :
In her decades as a caregiver, Ruth Dennis witnessed the tragic results of the medicalized and institutionalized way of caring for people with dementia. And equally clearly, she saw a better way. Mindful Dementia Care illustrates alternative methods for making a difference and achieving results through care that honors the whole person. The key is creating an environment with countless enriching touchstones to the inner person through facilities that are filled with art, animal companions, music, dance, books, laughter, and wholesome food. It is an approach that embraces creative and artistic processes to shape a more loving, spiritual approach for elders and their families.

Ruth Dennis has worked in mental health, the arts, and community education for over twenty-five years. She is a Certified Dementia Practitioner and, for the past two decades, has worked closely with palliative care, hospice, and grief support. Central to Ruth’s life is her role as caregiver to her brother Morgan, who has Down Syndrome. He is the bravest man she has ever known.

Velma Arellano:
Velma Arellano, MA, CDP, CALA, Director of Operations, has been working in elder care for the past 2 decades, and is the longest standing administrator in Santa Fe. She has overseen $2 million in construction and design to create two state of the art, intentional Alzheimer’s Care homes in New Mexico, and very recently acquired a third, non-Alzheimer’s, 14 bed, cozy, Assisted Living Bungalow in Santa Fe. The latter, Vista Hermosa is drawing on the cutting edge of culture change by incorporating the ideas of permaculture with elder care. Both Memory Care homes are the only two Eden Alternative Registered homes in New Mexico, and Vista Hermosa is well on its way. Eden Alternative is the honor society of long term care, and is an International Movement which truly changes the culture of how we care for our elders. Velma introduced “real” pets to our homes for elders to enjoy, goats, chickens, peacocks, and recently a 10-week-old German Sheppard puppy named Silver.

Ms. Arellano is a certified assisted living administrator (CALA), Certified Dementia Practitioner through the National Council of Certified Dementia Practitioners (NCCDP), and an Eden Alternative Associate. Velma has served on the board of Directors of the New Mexico Alzheimer’s Association and was only one 7 citizens who started the first Annual Walk to End Alzheimer’s in Santa Fe, Espanola and Los Alamos. She is a member of the 305th annual Fiesta’s de Santa Fe Council and was instrumental in the legislative passage of Helen’s Law. This law protects endangered elders, which eventually gave attention to the Silver Alert Program, like Amber Alert, but for memory impaired adults. Ms. Arellano is also a member of the National Biodynamic Association (Tierra Viva) and the Earth Citizens Organization (ECO) and is committed to mindful living and a sustainable world. Velma is active with Shim-Sung, Brain Yoga. Shim meaning heart, and Sung meaning open.
Ms. Arellano holds a Masters Degree in Agency Counseling and Psychology from New Mexico Highlands University and Bachelor’s Degree in Television Broadcast Journalism/ Mass Communication and Spanish.

As a volunteer, Velma is a member of the New Mexico Health Care Association and NM Assisted Living Task Force Committee (NMHCAALF) . She sits at the table making her voice heard in guiding NMHCAALF’s advocacy in the New Mexico long-term care delivery system. She helps identify and establish policies and provide resources that give people a real opportunity to improve the quality of life and quality of care in New Mexico’s frail elderly and intellectually-disabled populations.

Luke Nachtrab:
Luke Nachtrab, Owner, is a father of 3 children (Joey, Kate and Molly) and married to his lovely wife Kara. They currently live in Sylvania, OH where they were both raised and where Vista Living Home Office is based. He started his career shortly after completing his undergraduate degree at The Ohio State University. As first employee of Northaven, the Nachtrab Family Business Management Company, Luke created an infrastructure to manage approximately 75 residential properties in the Toledo, OH area. Assuming operations of Vista Living, the family assisted living facilities in 2004 (www.vistaliving.com) his passion and love for the elderly, particularly those walking with forgetfulness, and their families began to flourish. He was named President of Vista Living Communities in 2011 where he utilizes his background to maintain the highest standards of care for those with Alzheimer’s. Moving his young family to Santa Fe for 4 months in 2014 he began to set the company up for growth. His passion for this business and making a positive impact on those with Dementia and their families is evident in his approach and philosophies. Using values taught by his parents he brings integrity and compassion to business. With this as a guide he operates VLC as a business second; always trying to do what is right despite potential impact on the business.

Luke has a wide a diverse business background being intimately involved in executive leadership with global internet businesses, restaurants, real estate and logistics. He has been on numerous organizational boards in the Toledo area. He currently serves on the St John’s Jesuit High School Board and Finance Committee. Engaging with the Industry he is also active on Argentum, panels on their mission to Expand Senior Living.

Continuously improving, Luke has completed many non-degree courses in the last 15 years and in 2011 completed his MBA from the University of Michigan Ross School of Business. He is an instrument rated pilot, loves skiing, golfing, soccer, squash, fishing, culture, traveling, watching The Buckeye’s and being Dad! He looks forward to raising his children to someday be involved with the business.



Find Mindful Dementia Care Online:

Website:
https://www.mindfuldementiacare.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/VistaLivingCare/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/VistaLivingCare

Goodreads:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44643108-mindful-dementia-care





Today's post was written by Crystal J. Casavant-Otto

Crystal is a secretary, council secretary, financial secretary, and musician at her church, birth mother, Auntie, babywearing cloth diapering mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband and their five youngest children (Carmen 12, Andre 10, Breccan 5, Delphine 4, and baby Eudora who somehow turned 1 not long ago), two dogs, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff here, and at her personal blog - Crystal is dedicated to turning life's lemons into lemonade!
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You My Beautiful Friend are Enough

Wednesday, December 28, 2016
There is a beauty that comes with self acceptance, but do you know what is more beautiful? Not caring what other people think. It's amazing! There are still those moments when I second guess myself, feel I'm not enough etc... I don't think anyone can be 100% self accepting and uncaring. We all have moments of weakness. About a year ago I became part of a group called Unicorn Moms. You may have seen my references to it on social media. The gist of it is this:

A Unicorn Mom is a mother 
who's not perfect, enjoys alcohol, 
has a sense of humor, and couldn't 
care less what you think. 

I don't agree with everything posted in the group, but I enjoy being part of a group where we don't get all over each other about our differences. (I also understand you don't have to drink alcohol to be cool - so if that's an issue for you, please know I didn't make up the definition or the term) I'm bringing this to you today because the holidays are hard. You don't need to be part of a group, and that's not why I'm telling you about it. You can be a unicorn without being a mom or joining a group. Be your own cheerleader - realize that you are more than ordinary - you are extraordinary! Especially during this, the time of year when we seem to doubt ourselves most. Regardless of your religion or tradition, you've likely been very busy and will remain busy through the new year. There are parties to attend (does this dress make me look fat? what if I say the wrong thing? does my hair look grey?) and there are people stopping by (is the house clean enough? did I make enough food? do you think anyone will notice I haven't cleaned under that since George W was president?). 

I feel great about myself until I start imaging what other people are thinking about me. A lot of this has subsided with age. I also remind myself that I am enough. I love enough, I laugh enough, I clean enough, I've also been ending some of my vlogs reminding my friends of the same thing. You don't have to be part of the Unicorn Mom group, that's not what this is about. What you have to do is give yourself a break. Especially when life gets hard. Cheer yourself on with positive thoughts and positive self talk!

2016 was one of those years. More people than not are saying "2016 was a rough year, I can't wait for it to end." Lots of things have happened that are completely beyond your control. What is within your control is your attitude. Remind yourself you are enough. Try to love more, laugh more, and don't care so much about what other people think. Let's all try to go into 2017 accepting our imperfections and loving ourselves just a little bit more.

What do you currently tell yourself when you look in the mirror?

What is your most beautiful trait (physical or otherwise)?

What group has been beneficial for you when it comes to being positive, motivated, and emotionally healthy?

What are you excited about in 2017 and beyond?

Share your thoughts in the comments - we would love to hear from beautiful YOU!

Hugs,
~Crystal

PS - what books did you get for Christmas? 
I'm excited to say I got a huge stack...stay tuned for reviews! 




Crystal is a church musician, babywearing mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Manitowoc County, Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 9, Andre 8, Breccan 3, and Delphine 1), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff at:http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
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Friday Speak Out!: Writing With Love

Friday, November 18, 2016
by Jeanine DeHoney

Just when I was having one of those days when I was saying my husband didn't get me as a writer, you know, how he doesn't understand how it’s possible to sit in front of a computer for an hour and have one paragraph to show for it, he comes out with the most amazing, insightful words that make me fall in love with him all over again.

Let me explain. Lately it seems as if I haven't been enjoying writing as much as I used to. Sometimes I outright dreaded opening my eyes in the morning to see a dark computer screen waiting for me, sometimes seemingly taunting me knowing I had a laborious feat ahead.

I felt like I was writing on the edge all the time, ready to fall into an abyss that threatened to steal my passion and joy as a writer. Even when my words weren't playing a game of hide and go seek, when I was busy- recycling old stories, creating new stories, writing queries, editing my novel in progress -my mind wasn't connecting to my heart. I didn't love what I was doing.

I was concerned more about the end result than the process even as I wrote. I rushed to finish stories to produce quantity instead of taking my time, writing as if I was sipping a cup of tea on some Southern porch taking in the sights, sounds, and smells around me so it could add another layer to my stories. I wanted to relish in the sweet taste of being salable and successful as an author so I wrote with that in mind and it chipped away at my passion.

When I voiced my feelings about this uncomfortable place I was in with my writing to my husband one evening, his words suddenly shifted me, probably because this was the season I needed to hear them.

“You have to stop writing from that place of anxiousness,” he said. “You always used to complain about not having the time to write, now that you do, write because you love writing and tell the stories you want to tell.”

He was so right. Even though it hadn't come as I expected it would come, I got a chance to write full time. But through the years, especially of lately, there were loose threads I unintentionally kept tugging at that began to unravel the passion and love I had for my muse. The only way it could be mended, stitched together to close the looming hole threatening to ruin my garment, was to rekindle the tinder, find that spark I once had and relight it.

Relighting that spark meant writing with a renewed voice those stories I yearned to write, stories about the dynamics of families as I sifted through the beauty and the ashes of my own. It meant writing fearlessly, without the need to conform and write stories that were deemed more marketable, but ones that didn't show the depth of who I or my characters were. It meant having faith as small as a mustard seed and a belief that when I did what I loved, all of my cards would align perfectly and success as I knew it, which wasn't in monetary terms but in how it inspired others,would follow.

At a time when our country is so openly divided, when children are crying wondering about their future, we all should be an example of living a life doing what we love so our inner light won't dim.

Our world could use more love; love of self, love of our neighbors and love of our muse especially as writers whose distinctive voices can fill the crevices of a hurting world and spread healing. So today I choose to fall in love with writing again. And I thank my husband for showing me the way.

* * *
Jeanine DeHoney, wife, mom and grandmother "extraordinaire" has had her writing published in several anthologies, magazines and blogs including "Chicken Soup for the African American Woman’s Soul," The Mom Egg, Literary Mama, Mused Bella online, Writing For Dollars, True Stories Well Told, Underwater New York, Mutha Magazine, Metro Fiction, My Brown Baby and ScaryMommy.com. She was a 2013 finalist in the Brooklyn Art and Film Festivals Nonfiction Contest and the winner of that contest in 2014. 
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Would you like to participate in Friday "Speak Out!"? Email your short posts (under 500 words) about women and writing to: marcia[at]wow-womenonwriting[dot]com for consideration. We look forward to hearing from you!
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Love and The Commitment Phobe: Interview with Relationship Expert Emily Wilcox (and Book Giveaway!)

Saturday, February 14, 2015
Valentine's Day can be a romantic celebration for those in a relationship, but what if your man doesn't want to commit? If you're a single woman who can't seem to find The One, we have a special treat for you!

Today we're chatting with relationship expert Emily Wilcox about her latest book, The Commitment Phobe: It's not you…It's him. With humor and candor, this in-depth book finally explains how to spot a Commitment Phobe, what drives him to run away or cheat and how to finally break the cycle of a push/pull relationship and create lasting love.

Read the interview with Emily and enter to win your own copy of The Commitment Phobe in the Rafflecopter form below!

Emily Wilcox is a Relationship Expert and Author. She has contributed her expertise to publications such as FHM, Curve Magazine, The Huffington Post, The Advocate, About.com and was the resident advice columnist for Diva magazine. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and daughter.

Find out more about Emily by connecting with her online:

Twitter: @committolove

FaceBook: The Commitment Phobe


-----Interview by Crystal J. Otto

WOW: Such a catchy title and a great book, tell us Emily, what inspired you to write The Commitment Phobe?

Emily: I had a series of unhealthy relationships throughout my life and I was determined to find out why the characteristics were the same in each one. Many years ago in desperation, I walked to my local bookstore to get some answers on why this record kept playing over and over again in my life and I was dissatisfied with what I found. Several years later after my career began as a coach and a columnist, I serendipitously ended up writing the very book I was looking for that day.

WOW: I love that you took your experience and not only wrote down what you learned, but felt confident enough to share it with others! Maybe your experience can help us learn to spot a Commitment Phobe; What are the tell-tale signs?

Emily: In the beginning, the Commitment Phobe usually comes on very strong and charming, making a lot of empty promises. He then pulls away only to come back. He is emotionally unattainable, mysterious, confusing and elusive. He sometimes has one or more back-ups waiting in the wings and doesn’t let go of his exes easily. He is in and out, back and forth and always knows the right thing to say in the beginning. This guy is not necessarily a jerk. He is lost and confused—mostly about who he is and why he is so unhappy. He may enjoy pornography much more than the average guy due to his intimacy issues and he withdraws from sex toward the end of the relationship. More importantly, a woman with a high degree of self-love will not attract a Commitment Phobe into her life. So, in a sense, it is a tricky question. It takes two!

WOW: If only I had met you in the late 90's...sounds like you could have saved me from a practice marriage, but that's another story. Great tips and pointers Emily! 

In your book you talk about Fear vs. Love. What is the difference between a Love Addict and a Commitment Phobe? And can you give us an example or two of how fear affects their relationship?

Emily: Great question. Both the Commitment Phobe and the Love Addict have the same fears, but on the opposing spectrums. The Commitment Phobe consciously fears intimacy and subconsciously fears abandonment. The Love Addict is the opposite. In that regard, they are truly connected by their innermost fears and are drawn to each other like magnets. The Commitment Phobe abandons the Love Addict just as she fears…only to come back and repeat the cycle all over again until something drastic changes the course.

The fears they mutually have create insecurity, jealousy, manipulation and immense passion. One of them is pushing while the other is pulling. When the two briefly meet eye to eye, it feels unbelievably good. The highs are high and the lows are low!

WOW: Emily, you seriously described my entire first marriage in a matter of two paragraphs; you are definitely an expert!

Can a Commitment Phobe ever become a man in a committed, monogamous relationship--a Mr. Right? And if so, what are some things ladies can do to help him create lasting change?

Emily: This is the million-dollar question. The short answer is yes, as we are all capable of change. But like any change, acknowledging the problem is pertinent. The Commitment Phobe must first admit he has issues. The Love Addict must also see her part in it. The two can come together and help each other heal their past issues (typically both around abandonment), but they should only be responsible for cleaning up their own side of the street, not the other persons. A therapist can be very helpful in this situation. If you are in a relationship with a Commitment Phobe, the best thing you can do is practice self-love and stand up for what you deserve. Sometimes walking away will cause a Commitment Phobe to wake up and stop taking the relationship for granted. His sense of loss will be triggered. In that sense, it requires more of a cognitive approach.

WOW: Admitting our issues can be tough for any of us; you bring up some great points!

Your book is filled with fantastic relationship advice, as well as real life stories and experiences. How did you conduct the research and connect with the contributors in your book?

Emily: My clients and friends are the contributors for the end-of-chapter stories in my book. They are brave and strong women whom I have an immense amount of respect. Most of my research comes from my background in psychology, studying, reading a lot and of course, my own relationships. I was always fascinated with partnership and how and why we are magnetically drawn to the people in our lives. I have spent the majority of my life in very passionate relationships. It hit me one day that I had spent a couple of decades studying closely the various men in my life and I literally thought, “I have nothing to show for anything! I have spent my whole life analyzing and studying men! What a waste of time!” And that’s when my career was born.

When I started working with clients on topics like love addiction, codependency and commitment phobia, I noticed an underlying theme with every single relationship that I came across and heard about. That’s when I realized there was a real equation behind this. These two types of people who keep attracting each other is not accidental! It was a real awakening and that’s when I sat down to write The Commitment Phobe.

WOW: This brings me to the next question, and brings me back to the song lyrics "i bet you think this song is about you..." but really, do these Commitment Phobes recognize they are Commitment Phobes and how can we as friends help them either recognize or get past the phobia?

Emily: There are two main types of commitment phobes. One is very aware and conscious that he is not interested in committing and will often be very up front about it. These types have better access to transformation because they have introspection and are not living in denial. The other type is unaware, or unconscious, that he pushes intimacy and love away. He is the hardest to deal with because he is not interested in confronting his issues. This type is the one who will blame everyone else for his problems and accept little responsibility for his behaviors.

Getting the unconscious Commitment Phobe to recognize his problems is difficult. I mean, who really wants their issues pointed out to them? Who wants to be told they are “wrong”? It takes a lot of courage to look within and admit we are flawed. By the mere fact we are alive, we are flawed. Our childhood traumas, whether large or small, real or imagined, will label us with the stamp of imperfection. Spiritually, we are always in tact. And that is what can help us master the path. We can help a Commitment Phobe by helping ourselves…by being a living, breathing example of self-love and self respect. We can only change others by changing ourselves. And when approaching the topic, we can learn to be kind and caring without being a doormat.

WOW: I wonder how many Commitment Phobes will walk right past your book on the shelf at the store not realizing it's all about them? Very interesting.

Speaking of getting books on shelves, what advice can you give to authors looking to promote their nonfiction books?

Emily: Hire a great PR team! But if you can’t do that, tweet! A lot! Social media is not my strong suit, but I notice sales go up when I send out a quick tweet. There is a new generation out there who are proficient in social networking and I would seek the advice of one of them because it is a necessity for promoting. Promoting your own work and talking about how great your book is can be very difficult. That’s why a good publicist can work wonders and I am lucky to have the best. The hardest thing to do is promote your own non-fiction book because often times, people can see it as narcissistic. My book has information and answers that will help women and I have seen lives change because of it. But if I promote that, then I am being self-serving. When the truth is that I went through the deepest depths of despair and pain in order to have the information to write this book. I went there so that the reader wouldn’t have to. You don’t attain true wisdom by hanging out under rainbows.

Writers are often introverts by nature and introverts always have a story to tell. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable to your readers. The only way we can relate to them is by sharing our own damaged past because no one escapes this planet without one!




The Commitment Phobe: It's not you…It's him

In this game-changing book for female readers everywhere, Relationship Expert Emily Wilcox, reveals the shocking truth behind men who can’t commit and the perils of a push/pull relationship. With a new take on old relationship drama, The Commitment Phobe takes you on a journey through love, loss, heartache and transformation.

He was your knight in shining armor until your castle came crashing down. What ever happened to the man from the beginning? What went wrong? Did he ever love me? Is he coming back?

Startlingly real and wickedly funny, Wilcox goes where no self-help book has gone before. Her cut-to-the chase approach takes readers on a seamless journey through real life personal stories, commitment phobic types, cheating dilemmas and getting him to finally commit!

With humor and candor, this in-depth book finally explains how to spot a Commitment Phobe, what drives him to run away and how to finally break the cycle of a push/pull relationship and create lasting love. The Commitment Phobe is a Law of Attraction for relationships and a must-have for any woman who is recovering from heartbreak or looking for The One.

Whether single, dating, in a relationship or unlucky in love, there is an answer in The Commitment Phobe for every woman!

Author of International Best Seller of Creative Visualization, Shakti Gawain, says, “Emily has incredible insight. She is a true asset to the world of relationship. I have no doubt that Emily is here to help heal those whose lives she touches.”

“Emily Wilcox offers real hope and healing for women who want to be in a relationship but keep attracting men who won’t commit. A worthy read!” adds MJ Ryan, Bestselling author of Attitudes of Gratitude and The Power of Patience.

When it comes to relationships, The Commitment Phobe will change the relationship game once and for all.

Paperback: 278 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (December 23, 2014)
ISBN-10: 1468184512
ISBN-13: 978-1468184518

The Commitment Phobe is available for purchase at Amazon.


***** BOOK GIVEAWAY CONTEST *****

Enter to win a print copy of The Commitment Phobe by filling out the Rafflecopter form below! This giveaway contest ends February 21 at 12am EST. We will randomly select a winner the same day and follow up via email. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway


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Crystal is a church musician, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Reedsville, Wisconsin with her husband, three young children (Carmen 7, Andre 6, Breccan 16 months), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, and over 200 Holsteins. The family is expecting a new addition any day now as they eagerly await the birth of another daughter, Delphine Elizabeth. You can find Crystal blogging and reviewing books and all sorts of other stuff at: http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
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Dear Self, I'm Sorry

Thursday, January 16, 2014
Why is it we are so hard on ourselves? Is this a woman thing or a human thing? I don’t really know the science behind guilt, but so many of us walk around beating ourselves up you’d think someone would come up with a cure. 

Those who know me know I journal. Sometimes I journal out of fear I might forget an important milestone. I am an advocate for finding a cure to end Alzheimers and my journaling is often driven by a fear of living with the disease (I think about the notebook and figure even if I don’t remember my life someday, I can read about it…). Well today as I sat at my desk to journal I decided to write an apology letter to myself. There was something very therapeutic about apologizing to myself. It also reminded me to go easier on myself. I am quick to forgive a friend and I should be just as quick to forgive myself.

Next time you find yourself getting down about what you should have done, try apologizing and allowing you to be exactly who you are.

If you aren’t sure exactly what I’m driving at here – take a look at my letter and you’ll understand exactly what I mean.

Dear Self,
First of all, you are beautiful. Those extra few pounds are nothing compared to the lovely baby you just brought into the world. Sorry for hassling you about fitting into your old clothes; maybe you should just go shopping and buy something new that flatters your post-baby figure. No one noticed the kitchen floors weren’t scrubbed; sorry for making you feel guilty about using the Swiffer instead of scrubbing on your hands and knees. Sitting down and enjoying that cup of coffee was a good idea today. You deserved the rest after being up all night.

You looked absolutely peaceful rocking the baby and instead of reminding you about the laundry I should have just let you enjoy that moment. The last thing I wanted to apologize about was the breastfeeding guilt. I didn’t know how hard it was going to be. It’s really not a big deal if you decide to stop before getting to the one year mark. Goals were meant to be adjusted and you shouldn’t beat yourself up. Hopefully if I stop making you feel guilty all the time you’ll have more time and energy to get back to writing. I’m sorry I’ve been standing in the way of you enjoying things lately. Can you ever forgive me?

Love Always,
That Little Voice of Self Doubt


This is just what I wrote and it fits exactly where I am in this moment. If you had to write an apology letter to yourself today, what would you say? How would you be easier on yourself? PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW - WE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!


Crystal is a church musician, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Reedsville, Wisconsin with her husband, three young children (Carmen 6, Andre 5, Breccan 16 weeks), three dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, and over 200 Holsteins. You can find Crystal blogging, mommy-ing, and reviewing books and all sorts of other stuff at: http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/


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Use Imagination and Trigger Emotions

Saturday, May 01, 2010


Writers need to develop deep imagery. It doesn't matter if it's a real story or a fictional one; it's the authors' duty to induce reactions from the reader.

Use Imagination—Take a deep breath and read the following paragraph. See if your mind reacts to the stimulus.

It's a hot summer day. You pull a lemon from the fridge. You're holding it in your hand. Look at the outside; run your thumb over it's yellow waxy skin, notice the tiny green bits. Feel how cold it is in your hand. Raise it to your nose and smell it. Mmm. Press it gently and notice the weight of the lemon in the palm of your hand. Pick up a knife and cut it in half. Hear the juices, feel the little spray and notice the smell as it increases. Bite deeply into the lemon and allow the juice to swirl around in your mouth. Did your mouth react?

Trigger Emotion

Emotions are the single most powerful force of persuasion. Without emotion, words are dull, lifeless and lack action. Think of some words that cause an instant reaction. The most popular emotion that advertisers use is sex or sex appeal. The brain sees in images, therefore it's imperative that the storyteller writes in such a way that the brain can bring up the images to go with the words. If I say, "I'm on a horse." An instant image comes to mind.

Let's try another. You're lying on the beach, the sun is perfectly warm, you feel the heat, it's getting hotter, and a bead of sweat drips from around your eye, and you wipe it off. A soft breeze is caressing your skin; it helps to cool your body and evaporates some of the sweat. The sea gulls squawk somewhere in the distance and the smell of the ocean tickles your nose. The spray of the ocean leaves a light mist over your entire body. You feel deliciously tired, relaxed. Someone is walking toward you. His head is tilted a bit; he's tall, but not lanky. The wind sifts through his disheveled mass of light brown hair. His bluish gray eyes seek your soul. He has an earnest look on his face and you wonder what he's thinking about; you hope that whatever it is, you're there. The look implies deep thought, his expressive smile flashes at you and when he finally speaks, his British accent warms your heart.

As writers, we're taught to tighten our work and to cut adjectives and adverbs, but do we take it too far? We need to practice expressing.

Share one or two words that evoke deep feelings. They could represent fear, joy, love, hate, anger or any other emotion that evokes or provokes you.

Sources:
People Magazine http://www.people.com/
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365 Days a Year

Thursday, February 14, 2008
We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. As a matter of fact, if you ask my husband what date it falls on, he probably wouldn’t be able to tell you.

And I like it that way.


Why? Because he believes we shouldn’t cherish each other on only one day out of an entire year.
We have a special ritual that I believe will keep us happily married all the way into the fairytale sunset.

Each morning, and at different times throughout the day, my husband will ask, “Is there anything I can do for you?” And, after my either yes or no reply, I ask him the same question.


Beyond the obvious and tangible benefit of having a quick errand run or a particular meal prepared, offering to do “anything” for each other is a constant reminder of why we got married in the first place. Love and devotion.
And I’ll take that over a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers any day.

This is the kind of support that writers so desperately need—especially writers who are juggling a household: children, domestic responsibilities, and those who work outside of the home as well. The encouragement and support of a loving spouse helps make what we do possible.


So, today, take a break from the computer. Hold up a quick “one-minute” index finger to quiet your chatty characters, push the freelance querying aside, and spend some much needed couple time with your significant other.

If you are single, this is the perfect time to treat yourself to a break. Do something today that makes you blissfully happy. Whether you have fun with good friends or take some quiet time to nurture your soul, be good to yourself.


The writing will be waiting for you tomorrow.


BLOG LOVE
I’d like to thank all of the ladies who offered to promote my memoir, The Break-Up Diet, on their blogs today!

Please stop by and show them some traffic love and read what they are all about.
It's a wonderful and diverse group of ladies with so many great resources to share. Check out their links below.

Allie Boniface
http://allieboniface.blogspot.com/

Angelique H. Caffrey
http://recessforwriters.blogspot.com

Sue Donckels
http://inkbridge.blogspot.com/

Valerie Fentress
www.valeriefentress.com/index.php/blog/

Jennifer Flatten
http://jelf-writes.com/author/jelfwrites/

Sarabeth Gordon
http://nothpnowmommy.blogspot.com

Cher'ley Grogg
http://www.freewebs.com/cherley/index.htm

Cathy Hall
http://cathychall.blogspot.com

Irvina Kanarek http://honestchitchat.wordpress.com

Chynna Laird http://www.ctlaird.bravejournal.com


Tammie McElligott
http://tammiemcelligott.blogspot.com

Anne-Marie Nichols
http://www.thismamacooks.com

Cherie Redinoz
www.over-it.blogspot.com

Debbie Ridpath Ohi
http://www.inkygirl.com (interview)

Lea Schizas
http://branchesoflife.blogspot.com/

Nancy Sharpe
http://nancysharpe.blogspot.com/

Luann Womack
http://foodhistories.blogspot.com

Sandra Vilar http://ssserenity.blogspot.com


Thank you, ladies, for making this a fun and interesting promotion!
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