You My Beautiful Friend are Enough

There is a beauty that comes with self acceptance, but do you know what is more beautiful? Not caring what other people think. It's amazing! There are still those moments when I second guess myself, feel I'm not enough etc... I don't think anyone can be 100% self accepting and uncaring. We all have moments of weakness. About a year ago I became part of a group called Unicorn Moms. You may have seen my references to it on social media. The gist of it is this:

A Unicorn Mom is a mother 
who's not perfect, enjoys alcohol, 

has a sense of humor, and couldn't 
care less what you think. 

I don't agree with everything posted in the group, but I enjoy being part of a group where we don't get all over each other about our differences. (I also understand you don't have to drink alcohol to be cool - so if that's an issue for you, please know I didn't make up the definition or the term) I'm bringing this to you today because the holidays are hard. You don't need to be part of a group, and that's not why I'm telling you about it. You can be a unicorn without being a mom or joining a group. Be your own cheerleader - realize that you are more than ordinary - you are extraordinary! Especially during this, the time of year when we seem to doubt ourselves most. Regardless of your religion or tradition, you've likely been very busy and will remain busy through the new year. There are parties to attend (does this dress make me look fat? what if I say the wrong thing? does my hair look grey?) and there are people stopping by (is the house clean enough? did I make enough food? do you think anyone will notice I haven't cleaned under that since George W was president?). 

I feel great about myself until I start imaging what other people are thinking about me. A lot of this has subsided with age. I also remind myself that I am enough. I love enough, I laugh enough, I clean enough, I've also been ending some of my vlogs reminding my friends of the same thing. You don't have to be part of the Unicorn Mom group, that's not what this is about. What you have to do is give yourself a break. Especially when life gets hard. Cheer yourself on with positive thoughts and positive self talk!

2016 was one of those years. More people than not are saying "2016 was a rough year, I can't wait for it to end." Lots of things have happened that are completely beyond your control. What is within your control is your attitude. Remind yourself you are enough. Try to love more, laugh more, and don't care so much about what other people think. Let's all try to go into 2017 accepting our imperfections and loving ourselves just a little bit more.

What do you currently tell yourself when you look in the mirror?

What is your most beautiful trait (physical or otherwise)?

What group has been beneficial for you when it comes to being positive, motivated, and emotionally healthy?

What are you excited about in 2017 and beyond?

Share your thoughts in the comments - we would love to hear from beautiful YOU!

Hugs,

~Crystal

PS - what books did you get for Christmas? 

I'm excited to say I got a huge stack...stay tuned for reviews! 

Crystal is a church musician, babywearing mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Manitowoc County, Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 9, Andre 8, Breccan 3, and Delphine 1), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff at:http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/

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4 comments acceptance, facebook groups, friendship, love, new year, new you, self acceptance, self care, self love, social media, unicorn mom

I Will Never...

Did you read Sue's post yesterday "WOW! Women On Writing Blog: Editor: Ally or Adversary?" It began with the following quote: “After that experience, I’m never working with an editor again. It’s strictly self-publishing for me.” This reminded me of a recent conversation with a fellow mom. In retrospect I feel really silly for all the times in life I've uttered the words "I Will Never...". The list is quite lengthy and most of these were expressed in my youth:

- I will never drive a minivan
- I will never spank my children
- I will never wear yoga pants in public
- I will never bribe my children to behave in the grocery store

The list goes on, and I'm sure you've got a list of your own. I couldn't picture myself driving a minivan, but then again I couldn't have known I would have four children. Now I'm a minivan mama and I love the extra room, the DVD player, and the sliding side doors. It has really simplified my life. Same thing with spanking. I happen to have one particular child who is strong willed. She has received a spanking or two in her lifetime and she is better for it. When I was sixteen-years-old I had no way of knowing what type of child I would have, much less what type of parenting style I'd have to adopt in order to raise said child. As for the yoga pants in public, I've seen worse, and at this stage in the game I'll choose form over fashion any day and crawling on the floor playing Legos is much more comfortable in yoga pants. Bribery in the grocery store is a different story. I never bribe my children to behave in the grocery store--and if you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you. I have four children, so on a good day, one of them will have some sort of meltdown or temper tantrum in the cereal aisle. On a bad day, they'll ALL have a meltdown. I've often bought the Cookie Crisp or promised them a trip to the park if they'll just let me get out of the store with my groceries.

My reality looks far different than the picture I painted in my head when I was young and naive. I've learned to take a step back and look at the situation without judgment. I feel I'm a better person because of the lessons life has taught me. Now, how does this apply to my writing life? Publishing a book is a lot like picking out a great pair of jeans and instead of saying "I will never..." I think it's important to try on a few different pairs of jeans before deciding what you do and don't want. Same thing with writing and publishing. Those of you who have said "I will never self publish" may just want to brush up on the topic. You may find a self-publishing platform that is just right for you, or you may find a publishing firm that is such a good fit you couldn't imagine publishing any other way.

We evolve with time. I remember my daddy saying "I will never pay more than $1 for a gallon of gasoline" and I wonder what he would be doing today. He actually never did pay more than a dollar, because he passed away before fuel prices got silly. Chances are, if he were still around, he would gladly pay $1.87 per gallon if it meant being able to visit his grandchildren.

The moral of the story is this: We change over time. Technology changes of time. If we aren't open to learning about something different, we are limiting ourselves.

This can be applied to our parenting, our marriage, our writing, and our career. Do you have an "I will never ___________" story to share? Leave it in the comments and we can giggle together! Thank you as always for taking a moment to read my post. I hope it made you smile, and gave you a little different perspective.

***

Crystal is a church musician, babywearing mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Manitowoc County, Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 9, Andre 7, Breccan 2, and Delphine 1), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.


You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff at: http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/ and here: http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/

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4 comments acceptance, going with the flow, growing up, life lessons, life's lessons, parenting

Mother’s Day Reflections

Happy Mother’s Day a few days late! If your house was anything like mine over the weekend, you may still be recuperating. We were busy (to say the least) and in the midst of all the preparations and visiting I learned a very important lesson from my 7 year old daughter, Carmen. Carmen is quiet, but she notices every little thing. She can hurry through a room and stop suddenly to say “Mom, is that a new table cloth?” and she’s the first to notice a change in hair color or cut. When she has something to say, I try to really listen because she has an interesting perspective on things. More on that in a moment.

My mother in law is staying with us while convalescing from joint replacement surgery so it just made sense to host Mother’s Day at our house. Hosting meant a bit of work (especially since I play organ and was scheduled to play two services Sunday morning) but it was a great way to see everyone without the stress of eating in a restaurant. I planned something fairly easy since we were feeding 12 adults and 6 children. Saturday morning, I headed to the market with my 3 children (Carmen 7, Andre 5, and Breccan 7 months). We bought whole wheat buns, locally grown produce, and dye free pastries. We talked about making wise food choices and we headed home to grill up our grass fed beef patties and pork brats made from animals we raised ourselves. This isn’t something we do occasionally, it’s how we live. We don’t give it much thought most of the time.

Mother’s Day was a delightful time of love, laughter, and food a plenty! After our company left, Carmen pulled me aside and was full of questions:
• Mom, why don’t our cousins drink our milk? Don’t they know raw milk is better than store bought milk?
• Mom, why do people drink soda? You say it’s bad for us, isn’t it bad for them?
• Mom, there was a lady at church wearing high heels. Aren’t those yucky for her back?
• Mom, some people use throw away diapers, isn’t that terrible?

It was at that moment I realized I had been so busy teaching my children about our way of life I had forgotten to teach them about acceptance. Luckily, Carmen was paying attention and brought this to me early. I gathered both older children and we chatted about how people doing things differently didn’t mean one was wrong and one was right – they’re just different. (Somehow this encompassed a very short lived conversation about being cremated as well – not sure how that happened?) We ended our little chat by agreeing on the following:

Everyone’s parents and families are doing the best they can and as long as something is done in the spirit of love, it is done right.

Now it’s your turn. Please leave a comment about this post or answer one of the questions below:

What is something you do at your house that might be different than how other people do things?

What about self-publishing versus traditional publishing, is one wrong and one is right or can we agree both are done in the spirit of love and both are right?

What lessons have you learned through children?



Crystal is a church musician, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Reedsville, Wisconsin with her husband, three young children (Carmen 7, Andre 5, Breccan 7 months), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, and over 200 Holsteins. You can find Crystal blogging and reviewing books and all sorts of other stuff at: http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/

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2 comments acceptance, eyes of a child, interesting perspective, lessons, life lessons, parenting young children, perspective, what children see

Dear Self, I'm Sorry

Why is it we are so hard on ourselves? Is this a woman thing or a human thing? I don’t really know the science behind guilt, but so many of us walk around beating ourselves up you’d think someone would come up with a cure. 

Those who know me know I journal. Sometimes I journal out of fear I might forget an important milestone. I am an advocate for finding a cure to end Alzheimers and my journaling is often driven by a fear of living with the disease (I think about the notebook and figure even if I don’t remember my life someday, I can read about it…). Well today as I sat at my desk to journal I decided to write an apology letter to myself. There was something very therapeutic about apologizing to myself. It also reminded me to go easier on myself. I am quick to forgive a friend and I should be just as quick to forgive myself.

Next time you find yourself getting down about what you should have done, try apologizing and allowing you to be exactly who you are.

If you aren’t sure exactly what I’m driving at here – take a look at my letter and you’ll understand exactly what I mean.

Dear Self,

First of all, you are beautiful. Those extra few pounds are nothing compared to the lovely baby you just brought into the world. Sorry for hassling you about fitting into your old clothes; maybe you should just go shopping and buy something new that flatters your post-baby figure. No one noticed the kitchen floors weren’t scrubbed; sorry for making you feel guilty about using the Swiffer instead of scrubbing on your hands and knees. Sitting down and enjoying that cup of coffee was a good idea today. You deserved the rest after being up all night.

You looked absolutely peaceful rocking the baby and instead of reminding you about the laundry I should have just let you enjoy that moment. The last thing I wanted to apologize about was the breastfeeding guilt. I didn’t know how hard it was going to be. It’s really not a big deal if you decide to stop before getting to the one year mark. Goals were meant to be adjusted and you shouldn’t beat yourself up. Hopefully if I stop making you feel guilty all the time you’ll have more time and energy to get back to writing. I’m sorry I’ve been standing in the way of you enjoying things lately. Can you ever forgive me?

Love Always,

That Little Voice of Self Doubt

This is just what I wrote and it fits exactly where I am in this moment. If you had to write an apology letter to yourself today, what would you say? How would you be easier on yourself? PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW - WE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Crystal is a church musician, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Reedsville, Wisconsin with her husband, three young children (Carmen 6, Andre 5, Breccan 16 weeks), three dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, and over 200 Holsteins. You can find Crystal blogging, mommy-ing, and reviewing books and all sorts of other stuff at: http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/

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11 comments acceptance, forgiveness, goals, healing, journal, journaling, love, self forgiveness, self love, self talk, therapy