I'm so excited to launch the blog tour for An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. This book is perfect for people who are interested in having great relationships that need help with conflict management, prevention, and repair. Continue reading to learn more about this helpful book and read an interview with the authors. You'll also have a chance to win a copy of the book!
First, here is a bit more about An End to Arguing:
Now more than ever, couples need guidance for navigating conflict wisely and skillfully. Drawing on insights from their work with couples since 1975, the Blooms offer practical tools and strategies that apply to all relationships. An End to Arguing convincingly shows how destructive conflicts can be avoided, and provides stimulus for individual and interpersonal growth. They use compelling examples from their clinical work and their own fifty-year marriage, which has had its share of challenges.
An End to Arguing doesn't just provide a way of preventing differences from turning into painful conflict; it gives the reader an insight into what qualities are inherent in argument-free relationships. The way of getting there may be simpler than you think!
Publisher: Koehler Books
ISBN-10: 1646638085
ISBN-13: 978-1646638086
Print length: 306 pages
You can purchase a copy of the book on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or Bookshop.org. Be sure to also add it to your GoodReads reading list.
About the Authors, Linda and Charlie Bloom
Visit them online:
Website: https://bloomwork.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Bloomwork
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lindacbloom/
----- Interview by Nicole Pyles -----
WOW: Congratulations on your book, End to Arguing! What inspired you both to write this book?
Linda: My husband Charlie and I have been working with couples for decades and find that one of the main problems that they are challenged by is that they do not yet know how to manage their differences well. Since this was a serious problem for us years ago, we have a great deal of practical wisdom to offer. We learned where the lines are between having a passionate interchange and going crossing over to trying to coerce another to see things our way or to change their behavior to what we think is best.
We are keenly aware of the line between having a fruitful discussion that leads to understanding and one that becomes an argument. When we are flooded with feelings, only the primitive reptilian brain is working, the part that is at the top of the spinal cord, and when people stop to pause to reflect on why they are so triggered, they can re-engage their neocortex, the front of the brain that sees a variety of choices. That’s when couples can connect with each other, not act out and manipulate which frightens and hurts the other person. That’s when they can become curious and begin to learn about each other.
My husband Charlie and I are now recovered hotheads, and because we got such effective help when we were learning to accomplish effective ways of dealing with our differences, I now feel a responsibility to pay it forward to those many people who are in need of these skills.
WOW: What fantastic insights you've just shared and I love your honesty. This is definitely not your first book about helping others! What makes this one different from the others?
Linda: We have written four other books prior to An End to Arguing. The first one is 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married. It was the run-away best seller, selling over 100,000 copies. It is the basic foundational book for having a successful partnership.
The second book is Secrets of Great Marriages: Real
Truths from Real Couples about Lasting Love. This one is for those who are motivated to learn more than the basics. It’s a collection of 27 stories of extremely happy couples telling their secrets of success. They are inspirational stories from couples who are experienced and have ideas to offer couples who want to enhance their partnership.
Then we wrote Happily Even After and Thirty-nine Other Myths about Love. Over the years, we found that people of all ages, not just the young ones have romantic myths that are running them into trouble and we made an attempt to wake the readers up to examine their limiting beliefs.
Book number four, That Which Doesn’t Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places, is a memoir about a period of several years back in the 80’s, where I lived in chronic stress. I was bringing up our three kids single-handedly most of the time because Charlie’s corporate job demanded so much of him. We came very close to divorce because we did not handle this irreconcilable difference very gracefully. We got good help during that time so we managed to avoid breaking up our family. It’s a gory story with a happy ending. That period of time is where we learned a great deal about handling differences well, which led to this most recent book. All the other books mention conflict management, but this is the one that has the specific details and how to do it well.
WOW: I'm so impressed with the work you've done to help couples. What is your writing process?
Linda: I took a workshop years ago with Natalie Goldberg where the most important thing I learned from her was to give myself permission to “write the worst shit in America.” This blessing that she bestowed upon me allowed me to sit down to write my thoughts without being stopped by critic attacks. I learned how to outrun my inner critic that would tell me, "It’s been said before and better than you can say it.” I can talk back to the inner critic and say, “But no one is making these points in just the way I am saying it. And furthermore, people need to hear these pieces of practical wisdom, that will enhance their lives, expressed many times in many ways."
I am no longer intimidated by the blank page or the blank screen. So, I am the one who gets the process started. In our writing process, Charlie and I brainstorm ideas, where I take notes. I type up the notes, and do most of the writing of the first drafts. When I bring the material to him, it is a form that is pretty rough. Charlie, the English major, and silver-tonged poet, makes the writing more literary. We both have our strengths in the writing process like we do in other areas of our lives, and it’s a winning combination to capitalize on each other’s strengths.
WOW: I love how you both utilize your unique strengths in the writing process. What outcome do you hope for in those that read An End to Arguing?
Linda: There was a time in our lives when I was suffering a great deal because our relationship was compromised to the point where I didn’t know if we would break up. I loved my husband so deeply, but my mind was on fire because I missed him so much when he was busy and distracted building his career and leaving me to bring up the children by myself a large part of the time.
On top of being lonely and exhausted from attempting to work and bring up three highly spirited kids, we fought terribly and often during that time.
We made it through it, and learned so much that I feel that I have a calling to share what I have learned in an attempt to spare others some of the anguish that I went through. My greatest hope is that those who read the book will learn how to take a difficult relationship up to good and a good relationship to great. Since we get most of our happiness and well-being (and even our health and longevity) from our closest relationships, to handle differences well is a direct path to that co-creative stage of relationship.
WOW: I absolutely agree. I love that you make each chapter short, and easy to read and digest. How did you decide on formatting this book in this way?
Linda: Our first book was written this way, with the 101 format of short chapters with lots of little stories in them that carry the teaching. Because our first book was so popular, we decided to use that format again. People can choose from the table of contents which ideas they are most interested in and don’t have to read the whole book. They are small bites and most people these days are so busy that’s all they can handle.
We use stories because people may forget the text, but an interesting story remains in their memory and can help to keep them awake when they are changing old habits. People also like lists that make the changes simple to apply, so the book is full of bullet points where we boil down the teachings to the bare essentials.
WOW: That's such a helpful format! I am so glad that others have the opportunity to read this book. Best of luck to you on your tour and thank you for your time!
----- Blog Tour Calendar
February 20 @ The Muffin
Join us at The Muffin as we celebrate the launch of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. Read an interview with the authors and enter to win a copy of the book.
February 21st @ Create Write Now
Join Mari when she shares a guest post written by Linda and Charlie Bloom about moving from fear to fearlessness.
February 23rd @ World of my Imagination
Visit Nicole's blog for her review of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom.
February 24th @ Lisa Haselton's Reviews and Interviews
Join Lisa for her interview with Linda and Charlie Bloom, authors of An End to Arguing.
February 25th @ The Mommies Review
Join Glenda for her review of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom.
February 28th @ Mindy McGinnis' Blog
Join Mindy for a guest post by Linda and Charlie Bloom about repairing trust when it's broken.
March 1st @ Lady Unemployed
Visit Nicole's blog for a guest post by Linda and Charlie Bloom about the foundational building blocks of all successful relationships.
March 5th @ Rachael's Thoughts
Visit Rachael's blog for her reflections on Linda and Charlie Bloom's book An End to Arguing.
March 5th @ Choices
Visit Madeline's blog for a guest post by authors Linda and Charlie Bloom about the art of committed listening.
March 7th @ In Literary Love
Jen will be featuring An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie bloom on her Instagram page today.
March 9th @ The Frugalista Mom
Join Rochie for her review of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. You'll also have the chance to win a copy of the book too!
March 10th @ Strength 4 Spouses
Read Wendi's blog for her insights about An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom.
March 12th @ A Storybook World
Join Deirdra for a guest post by Linda and Charlie Bloom entitled,"Should I stay or should I go?".
March 13th @ Katherine Itacy's Blog
Join Katherine for her review of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom.
March 14th @ Strength 4 Spouses
Come by Wendi's blog again for a guest post by Linda and Charlie Bloom about why you shouldn't choose your battles.
March 15th @ Liberate and Lather
Angela will be reviewing An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom.
March 18th @ Free to be Me
Join Leslie as she reviews An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom.
March 19th @ Balance and Joy
Visit Sheri's blog for her thoughts about An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom.
March 20th @ Lisa's Reading
Join Lisa to read her review of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom.
***** BOOK GIVEAWAY *****
Enter to win a copy of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom! Fill out the Rafflecopter form by March 5th at 11:59pm CT for a chance to win. We will choose a winner randomly the next day and follow up via email. Good luck!
6 comments:
Hi, Linda,
Is there a chapter on compulsive "button pushers"
I think this would be a good book to help me live a harmonious life!
This book sounds useful to end potentially hurtful conflict, and instead have constructive solution-focused discussions in areas we disagree on.
I love that the book was written by a couple. Makes it so much more relatable
I love the picture on the cover of your book!
Thanks for the contest.
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