Get Off The Path Of Self-Sabotage

I have a story to share with all of you this week. Hopefully, it will show you—if nothing else—how we women have a tendency to sabotage ourselves personally and as writers simply by the way we see (or don’t see) things.

I had the worst week this past week. One of those weeks where tiny things—that wouldn’t normally phase me—pecked away at my patience until I was ready to hit the roof if I dropped a pen on the floor! It happens to the best of us. Unfortunately, such times also tend to put us in a funk where the good things in life are clouded over. But a conversation I had with a phenomenal woman changed my perspective.

On Thursday, we were almost an hour late for Preschool. Xander was screaming and tired and so was Jaimie. We were up all night the night before. I finally got them there and Jaimie clung to me, begging for me not to go. Her symptoms were through the roof and I seriously thought I'd have to remove her. But I guided her over to the book section, set up a chair so she'd have her back to the class, and asked her if she'd be okay reading until she calmed down (That’s how her teachers and I agreed Jaimie could still participate in classroom activities when her symptoms are too high to cope with the social aspect.) She gave a weak, "Yeah" and I left.

I stood outside the room and watched Jaimie through the window. She never participated—she didn’t even turn around. She read books until snack time then sat at the outer edge of the mats for song time (at the end). As tears welled up in my eyes I thought how unfair it was for a child to have to deal with what Jaimie has to every day on top normal kid stuff. Then I felt a strong, reassuring hand on my shoulder: Judith, the head of the Preschool programs (and the woman who helped me figure out ways Jaimie could participate with her peers.)

After asking how Jaimie was doing—and listening to me ramble on about our week and morning—she asked how I was doing. I was taken aback because I'm not asked that question often. I told her I was tired and how overwhelmingly sad it made me sometimes to watch Jaimie struggle. Judith kept her hand on my shoulder and told me how she thinks Moms are so unappreciated.

She says in Kenya—where she's from—mothers are viewed as Godesses. She said you can treat whomever else like crap but Mothers are respected and greatly loved. There's no Mother's Day in Kenya so children show their appreciation for their mothers in other special ways. Judith is the 10th of 11 kids and her mom was a stay-at-home mom for all of them. She said she and her siblings sang a special song to their mother whenever she felt overwhelmed or frustrated. Then she says to me, "I don't know how you do it with your three kids—especially with one special needs child. To me, that's truly amazing." I'm amazing? Her mother is amazing!!

She then told me that she and her husband have been trying for four years to have children. She wanted to have a big family--like the one she grew up in--but thinks she's getting too old to have a one (she's almost 40). But she told me—with a bright smile—she’d be patient.

"One day," She said. "I'll be blessed with a child. And, if it's not my fate to be a mother, I'll simply enjoy the children I help every day."

She gave me another squeeze, tickled Xander’s tummy then walked back down to check on another class she oversees. As I sat and reflected on Judith’s words, I realized how disillusioned I’d been. It was as though someone took my glasses off, cleaned them with a slap-of-reality solution then put them back over my eyes.

Yes, I had a bad week but good things happened too: I managed to conduct four interviews for article ideas and actually had a very successful writing week; I finished an assignment for school; was told I now have a 3.6 GPA; and Xander started walking. How did I overlook all of those wonderful things? One word: sabotage.

Why do we do that to ourselves? We do it in our lives and in our writing. We focus on those tiny irritating things that we allow to build up and block our view from the good things that are going on around us. Then it takes a beautiful angel on earth, like Judith, to rip down that blocker and swing our eyes back to what’s really important. She grew up with very little but with tons of love and a strong mother who taught her to see life for what it is: tough but with sprinkles of happiness to remind her not to give up. Ever.

So, how do you counteract sabotage? What ways do you help yourself to stay focused and motivated? Judith uses her love for children and her passion to assure equality and inclusion for all children. I have Jaimie to remind me that little successes are so important. We’d love to hear how you do it.

Keep your head up, wear a smile and keep writing!
Chynna
http://www.lilywolfwords.ca/
http://www.ctlaird.bravejournal.com/

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