Facing Doubts and Insecurities So You Can Reach Your Goals

Many of us who blog on The Muffin write about the topic of  writing doubts and insecurities. Most definitely, it’s the life of a writer. If you're reading this, you've probably had the thought: This manuscript is terrible. No one will ever want to read it. This is the dumbest idea I've ever had. 

This is probably true for any creative people who pour their heart and soul into their work and then will be "judged" for it. Even when your book or short story is published, there are still reviews and sales numbers to face. (Really, this post is not meant to be depressing! Stick with me...)

Recently, I’ve been dealing with fighting off my doubts and insecurities because I’m ready to launch a new project. I've been referring to  the person who used to listen to those doubts and quit projects without finishing them "my old self." I'm calling this writer (me!) who will launch this project below tomorrow or Tuesday--"my new self." Here's the cover:

One day this past week while I've been working on Listen, Lucy! Listen!, I posted in my writers' group Facebook group that I had to "tell my old self to settle down" several times in the past couple weeks This project above is a picture book that was once under contract, but it never did get published. That’s a long story for another day--or maybe never. But I did have the artwork from Pam Withroder and the text (from me!). I have InDesign on my laptop to put it together. So I did--finally.

And I plan to use this book as a marketing tool--which I also know is something a lot of writers do. But still, I’ve been plagued with questions, such as: Will anyone like this book? Will people think I’m silly for giving it away for free? Will my plans for books, workshops, and presentations to go with this book be well received? A very loud voice seems to constantly ring through my head saying, "This is a bad idea. No one will like it." (That's the old self, there!)

In today's society, we talk a lot about listening to our gut. There's even the expression "women’s intuition." However, there’s also the inner critic of a creative person, and that is the one who keeps telling me don’t do this--she's harsh--too harsh. I know this is a cute book and how to write children’s picture books. I know about the rule of three, about not making it preachy, and how to use repetition.

So I told that inner critic, my old self, to go take a nap. Because I'm going to do this. And don’t worry: when I blog the last week of October, on here, I will be ready to let you know all about my project and how to get this book for free!

Until then, join me! If you have an old self (aka paralyzing inner critic) whispering doubts and criticism in your ear, tell him or her to pack a bag and take a trip because you don’t have time for that--you're too busy writing.

Margo L. Dill is the managing editor of WOW! and teaches novel writing, middle-grade and YA fiction writing, and school visit classes. You can check those out in the classroom here. To find out more about Margo and her books, which she managed to get published in spite of her inner critic, check out her website here or keep in touch or email a question here. 

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5 comments inner critic, Inspiration, Margo L. Dill, new book, picture book, Red Ribbon Week, writer self-doubt

How to Silence Your Inner Critic and Keep Writing

Photo via photosteve101 CC license

This weekend I was working on a story that I battled with long after I walked away from my writing session. Where was this inner conflict coming from? My inner critic (or as I like to call it, "The Anti-Muse"), who was making snide remarks about my story. While I'm usually pretty good about ignoring the criticisms and discouragement of my Anti-Muse, one or two remarks wormed its way into my psyche. I could sense the looming doubt about the story I was working on. Have you ever been there? Have you ever thought your Anti-Muse sounded reasonable?

It's a dangerous place when the Anti-Muse becomes the voice of reason. So when this happens, there's a few things you should do.

1) Acknowledge it and keep writing.

I think all an Anti-Muse wants is to be heard. Acknowledge its remarks that the story has been told before (sure, there are probably plenty of fairy tale stories out there, but not by me). Acknowledge that yes, this is a terrible first draft (aren't they all? That's why second and third drafts exist). And while the Anti-Muse waits for you to walk away and visit Facebook instead, what you must do is keep writing. Sure, your Anti-Muse may seem like it has a valid point, but trust me, it doesn't. The best response to these criticisms? "So what." Tell your Anti-Muse, so what and then take up your pen (or computer) and write.

2) Get encouragement from other writers.

What has silenced my Anti-Muse is being involved with a group of writers (which I found through WOW! actually) who I report into weekly. Sure, my Anti-Muse still waggles it's finger about how terrible things are looking, but getting encouragement from other writers is an incredible source of inspiration. If you are battling your Anti-Muse, seek out a writing community, whether it's online or in your home town. Find another writer on your twitter feed that you can adopt as your writing buddy. There's also Facebook groups you can join as well that you can utilize to get a writing buddy that can coach you and encourage you through your process (here's one I'm part of that I created after an online community I was in dissolved). This is the best way to gain confidence as a writer and keep writing.

3) Stop comparing yourself.

One thing that gives the Anti-Muse a lot of energy and strength is the comparison game. This game usually starts when you wander through social media and you see all of your writing friends talking about their successes and publications. While we all want to cheer each other on, sometimes after a bad writing session, it can be salt in a wound. When your book or short story or essay isn't going anywhere, it can be tough to read about someone else getting a writing contract or getting a writing piece published. Whenever I am down this terrible road, I remind myself that plenty of writers gain success at different points in their life. In fact, one of my favorite books (and movies) Primal Fear was written by an author who didn't get their first book published until they were 50. One famous writer Laura Ingalls Wilder didn't start writing until she was 44 and didn't make a name for herself with Little House on the Prairie until she was 64.

We're all on a different journey so the most unhelpful thing you can do to yourself is wonder why making it big hasn't happened to you yet.

Remember the last thing your Anti-Muse wants is for you to keep writing. So the best advice of all, is to discipline yourself to ignore the voice of the Anti-Muse completely and get that writing done. 

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4 comments Anti-Muse, inner critic

Friday Speak Out!: Who's Running Your Show?, Guest Post by Sandy Grason

Who's Running Your Show?

by Sandy Grason

You may have heard me say “your Inner Wisdom whispers and your Inner Critic yells”. What I mean by this is when I first heard the whisper of my Inner Wisdom it said “write a book”, but immediately my Inner Critic piped in and said;

“You can't do that, who do you think you are? Who wants to read your book? What are you going to write about? Who really cares what you want to write about? Everybody wants to write a book, what makes you so special?”

That's just a tiny, tiny snippet of what my Inner Critic was yelling in my ear. I often joke that my Inner Critic is very mean, she says things like “You suck!”

I wish I could tell you that I've conquered my Inner Critic, stomped her out, smashed her with my powerful-Rock Star-Hot Mogul-ness. I hate to report that she is alive and well and she usually is loudest when I'm standing in the wings getting ready to head on stage, the person introducing me is reading my fabulous bio, listing all the wonderful things I've accomplished, blah, blah, blah.... all I hear is “If they could have seen you having a meltdown in the parking lot with your kids last week, oh they would be REALLY impressed...”

I'm not sure you ever really get rid of your Inner Critic, but I have found ways to turn up the volume of my Inner Wisdom and to live my life from the guidance of my Inner Wisdom rather than from the fear of my Inner Critic. I can also happily report that I no longer allow my Inner Critic to stop me from pursuing things I really want to do.

Yes, she still says things like “What will other people think? You don't know what you are doing, what if you make a fool of yourself?” And my personal favorite “You're doing it wrong.” Fortunately, even if I might be “doing it wrong” I'm committed to do it wrong with style and in the biggest way possible. :-D

Here my tips to turn up the volume on your Inner Wisdom and start living your most magnificent life:

1. Be Willing to Suck. As I mentioned, my Inner Critic likes to tell me that I'm doing “it” wrong. It doesn't matter what it is, there's that critical voice, always chiming in, judging everything, looking for the problem or the reasons why I'll never be able to succeed. I got a note from a reader recently telling me the story of her sister who finally, finally finished her screenplay. When she asked her sister how she managed to accomplish this her sister replied “I was willing to suck at it!” That's the game your Inner Critic plays, judging you harshly until you just give up rather than doing something that is less than perfect. So go ahead! Be willing to Suck! It will change your life!

2. Shut Your Mouth. And your phone, your television, your radio off for a little while. Be quiet for at least 10 minutes every day. You don't have to DO anything during this time. Reconnect with yourself. It's hard to hear your Inner Wisdom when you've got lots of other voices competing for air time in your head. Shut everything off and just sit quietly. Or listen to some favorite music. Go outside and put your feet in the sand or the grass (or the snow?). Stare at the sky, move clouds with your mind, rock in a rocking chair, swing on a swing. Do this everyday for 10 minutes. Watch the magic unfold.

3. Follow Your Fun. I'm a firm believer that our Inner Wisdom sends us messages in the form of FUN. If you are having fun you are connected to your Inner Wisdom. When you are excited and passionate about a project, there is an energy you are tapping into that is connected to all of life. You are more connected to others and to your own “flow”. I know there are always tasks and projects that are waiting on you and they might not seem like much fun, but make sure you are building in a bit of the Fun Factor into every single day. Your Inner Wisdom can be silly as well as wise- go find some FUN today!

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Sandy Grason is a Rock Star Author, Int’l Speaker, Radio Talk Show Host & Hot Mogul. Get on the Guest List for Sandy’s next Virtual Cocktail Party®, or book a private one-on-one lifestyle design strategy session today at www.SandyGrason.com./em>

 

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Would you like to participate in Friday "Speak Out!"? Email your short posts (under 500 words) about women and writing to: marcia[at]wow-womenonwriting[dot]com for consideration. We look forward to hearing from you!

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Leave a Comment doubt, fear, Friday Speak Out, inner critic, Sandy Grayson, writer inspiration

Silencing the negativity

A friend approached me about some negative comments a customer had said about her successful business. The comments had stopped her in her tracks for days. The negativity crept up and took hold of much of her energy.
Amazingly, I often seem to remember negative comments much more than positive ones. My friend with the business agreed. No matter how many customers she had, the one critic's comments nagged at her.
It's almost as if we have an inner critic that lurking in our mind. Then a person says something that adds fuel to a spark that consumes our self-esteem. Dousing that raging inner critic is often hard.
This has happened to me. In the past couple weeks, I've been working to silence an inner critic of my writing after someone made a negative--not constructive--comment about something I wrote. It didn't bother me at first. But then I gave the negativity too much room to roam in my mind--too much space and fuel--and the critic overtook many positives I'd been feeling.
Instead of giving into the critic (for too long), I gave myself a boost without tapping away on my keyboard. I called a friend. A writer/editor with an understanding of the writing process and a wicked sense of humor. After 10 minutes, she had me laughing so hard that all negative thoughts were pushed out of my mind. She didn't stroke my ego but she brought back a sense of humor and play that I needed to regain my balance and squash that flame of the inner critic.
What do you do to return balance to your writing after feeling the pinch of an inner or external critic?

Elizabeth King Humphrey is a writer and creativity coach. She would rather spend time alone with her keyboard than to roam the desolate, dusty fields of negative writing comments. Besides contributing to AOL's ParentDish, she blogs at The Write Elizabeth, delving into creativity in everyday places.

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4 comments Elizabeth King Humphrey, inner critic

Burn the House Down

By Susan L. Eberling

On my journey back into writing after a long, motherhood-induced hiatus, I encountered fellow writers along the way who have served as guides to me. Ray Bradbury and Anne Lamott inspired me to turn off my inner critic that says I have to crank out a wonderful piece of work in the first draft. Really, they unchained me from myself.

“The first draft is the child’s draft,” Lamott wrote in her book, Bird by Bird, “where you let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later.” Anne Lamott advocates writing “crappy” first drafts. (This is not the exact language Lamott uses, but for now it will suffice.) Ray Bradbury encourages writers to “burn the house down” as they generate a first draft. He teaches to write what you love, what you hate, your passions, dreams and desires. Don’t write what you think you should write or what will get you published. In a 1956 article in The Writer, Bradbury says, “If you are writing without zest, without gusto, without love, without fun, you are half a writer. It means you are so busy keeping one eye on the commercial market . . . that you are not being yourself.”

Why is getting a first draft out so pivotal? Simply this: the rough draft is the clay from which we sculpt our finished work. Without a rough draft, no matter the quality, we have nothing to work with except growing anxiety and writer’s block. Both Bradbury and Lamott encourage writing first drafts with gusto and abandon. (Incidentally, this is largely the concept behind NaNo. If you look in their FAQs, someone asks what good could ever come from writing a novel so quickly? For NaNo’s answer, follow this link: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/node/402759) Sit down at your computer and tell yourself not to expect anything except a bad first draft. It takes the pressure off. When the pressure is off, your inner editor is silenced and you can more easily find your voice and tap into your creative wells.

One day I decided I was going to “burn the house down” as I wrote a “crappy first draft” of an article I needed to write for a newsletter. I penned those phrases on a sheet of paper and put it next to my monitor where I could see it as I wrote. It worked. I quickly cranked out the draft that I needed and set it aside for a day to age like a fine wine. The next day my husband sat me down after lunch. “So, I found a strange note next to your computer, are you doing okay?” he asked, somewhat pensively. Seeing my note by the computer, he thought that I was about do terrible things to our home because of writing angst. It took some convincing to let him know that I was actually trying encourage and motivate myself.

So, what’s the bottom line? As writers, let’s release ourselves to write from our passions with zeal. Don’t hold back. Write everything that comes out of your brain. Everything. You can hack your work to pieces later, but go for the gusto, write a crappy first draft and burn the house down as you go.

Susan L. Eberling

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3 comments inner critic, Susan L. Eberling, writing inspiration