Taprina Milburn Writes Through Her Grief, a runner-up in our Quarterly Essay Contest

Taprina Milburn

Welcome to Taprina Milburn who will inspire you with her positive attitude despite her current dealings with grief and empty nest. She has managed to figure out a way to write through her pain, and we are glad she did. You can win her winning essay, "Gifts" here.

Here's a bit about Taprina: In her blog, reimaginingthislife.com, Oklahoma native Taprina Milburn shares stories of family, hope, and faith with readers who are redirecting their lives after big changes, just as she is. Mom of two grown and flown children, she is the author of two books, Scientists Use Rats, I Use My Family (2003) and We’re Not Being Raised Right: And Other Ego-Building Things My Kids Say (2011). She received her bachelor’s degree in journalism and has written for newspapers and magazines throughout the years.

Today, she serves as a communications consultant for nonprofits and is working on a master’s degree in family and child studies. She loves to travel to visit her kids and their spouses, and admittedly spends an inordinate amount of time with her six-year-old female golden retriever, Scout, who the kids say is the golden child of the family. They may be right. (Scout has her own Instagram account, @thisgoldenchild).

WOW: Congratulations, Taprina, for being a runner-up in our Creative Nonfiction Essay Contest with your essay, "Gifts." It's about reframing loss after your husband's death, and we first want to say how brave it is for you to write about this subject and share your experience in your essay. The format you chose for this, organizing with four "frames" was very powerful. What made you write your story in this way?

Taprina: The short answer is that placing the gifts in frames helped me to be disciplined in my writing. I could say to myself, “Today, you are only writing within this frame.” It helped to organize my mind because grief can be unpredictable and can have your mind roaming all over the place. The long answer is that I also visualized an actual picture frame. If a picture or memento is important to me, I put it in a frame, hang it on my wall or put it on my fireplace mantel. I don’t want to forget the life I had with my husband; and I also don’t want to forget what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown during this time, even if it is painful. So, symbolically, these gifts/lessons are in a frame in my mind because they are important touchstones.

WOW: I love that the frames served two purposes. Sometimes when a subject is painful or overwhelming, tackling it in small chunks, or frames as you did, is a manageable way to accomplish a goal. Thank you for sharing that tip with us. Do you find writing essays about this time in your life part of your healing journey? Why or why not?

Taprina: Writing essays about this time in my life has not been easy but it has been helpful. My husband has been gone for three years. The first year after he died, I was in shock, felt numb and as if I was walking around in a fog. When I started to write about the experience of my husband’s death and suicide, whether journaling or writing essays, I noticed that I started to feel connected to my heart and emotions again and to think with more clarity. Yes, there is sadness, but putting pen to paper also has helped gratitude to bubble up. And gratitude is a master healer. I’ve always believed that writing helps me to better understand my life, my connection to God, and to others. It is a tool I’m definitely going to continue to use on my grief journey.

WOW: We hear that from so many of our writers. This is also why journaling or morning pages are so helpful to writers. We are also honored you entered our contest with all your great writing and publication success in your bio. Tell us about your books!

Taprina: When my children were small, I wrote a syndicated weekly column called For Sanity’s Sake (which I've always said, tongue-in-cheek, is the reason why I write, for my sanity). The column started out in my hometown paper and was picked up by King Features Syndicate and printed in papers in the United States and Canada. I wrote about the very normal, day-in-day out life of being a wife and mother—sometimes funny, sometimes poignant, but always heartfelt. My favorite feedback from readers was when they said that they could relate as a parent. The two books, Scientists Use Rats, I Use My Family and We’re Not Being Raised Right: And Other Ego Building Things My Kids Say were compilations of the columns I had written over the years. I’m proud of these books because they capture the stories of raising a family with my husband.

WOW: That is amazing. What great success and how exciting that your columns were syndicated and became books! And of course, we must ask about your Golden Retriever and his Instagram account! Do you use this as part of your marketing for your writing or is it a part of your hobbies?

Taprina: Scout, my female golden retriever, just turned six. She is named Scout after the little sister in the book, To Kill A Mockingbird. My kids joke that my husband and I got Scout as an empty-nest-coping-mechanism. They are probably right. She and I didn’t start off on the right foot, though. As a puppy, she ate reading glasses, food from the counter, and library books (this is the abbreviated list). Everyone would tell me to be patient because by three years old, I’d have a really good dog. I wasn’t sure she’d make it to three years. The month my husband died, however, Scout turned three, and by that time she had become a very good companion. I’m not sure what life would be like without her. My kids now call her my golden child, which is why I started Scout an Instagram account @thisgoldenchild. It’s just for fun but, yes, Scout is a very important part of my life and definitely shows up in my writing.

WOW: Look, puppies are no joke! I have one from the Humane Society, a "lab mix" who has to have some hound in her. She keeps me on my toes, and I keep saying to myself, "This will get better." So I can totally understand about Scout! Your story of her getting better at 3 gives me hope. To close, can you tell us about your blog and what's next for you on your writing journey?

Taprina: My blog is called Reimagining. A few months after my husband died, a good friend took me to lunch and told me that one day joy would return but that I would have to use my imagination to reimagine a new life. I respected that advice from her because she was also widowed. The blog is where I go to share stories about rebuilding and reimagining a new life. My hope is that as I put my stories out there about grief, widowhood, empty nest, etc, that someone in a similar situation as I am in may stumble upon it, and it might help them, too. I believe we have to help each other as we learn and grow. As far as my writing journey goes, I am working on a third book of essays (working title: What Now Scout? Reimagining Life with My Golden Child); and one day, I’d love to write a fiction novel. I’d also like to teach a writing class on the importance of writing through grief.

WOW: Taprina, we wish you the best success with your book and your novel. Thank you for providing such personal answers to our questions. We know readers will be able to learn from you and your experiences. You definitely top the list of brave and wonderful women writers. 

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4 comments Creative Nonfiction Contest, empty nest, Essay contest winner, grief, writing about grief

Friday Speak Out!: Now that my Nest is Empty. . . to Become a Tent Maker or Not

by Andy Lee

I asked Google, “What’s the hardest thing about being a writer?” I was hoping to find answers aligned to my frustration, but the articles rated time management as the number one problem for writers.

Time management is often our nemesis. We work from home. Our schedule is ours to manipulate--or not if we have small children. And well, we are artists. Art can’t be forced. Our strength is not in schedules and calendars.

And on days when the sun is shining too much or the clouds are too thick, depending on our mojo, motivation wanes. Our muse goes on vacation. The blinking cursor taunts our weary brains, so we dash to the car when a friend calls for a coffee date.

But I disagree that time management is our worst problem. I mean, I get it, and at times struggle with sitting down to write too, but I think the hardest part of being a writer is the lack of income. After seven years of working on two books and writing blog posts after blog posts, I’ve become a much better writer. I even have a small following, but my checking account is bare.

I didn’t start this writing occupation for the money, in fact, becoming a writer wasn’t on my radar—it just found me. But a small, consistent paycheck would be nice.

I’ve reached a place in my life where I must either make a living as a writer or get another job and write on the side. I’m wondering if I need to be a “tent maker” as the Apostle Paul was in the Bible. He preached and made tents for income.

Will my writing help pay our family’s rising debt with two kids in college? Not at the moment.

My husband cheers my writing. He’s supportive, but he wouldn’t mind if I got a “real” job. My advances for two book contracts were minimal, and once those books are released in the next six months, I won’t see a royalty check for months, maybe years.

So, the hardest thing to me about being a writer is making money doing it. My heart is torn. I feel called to this vocation. I love to write and speak. But the pay is minimal.

It seems you need to be an entrepreneur to thrive in the publishing industry. I'm not. I'm a writer.

As I face the first year as an empty-nester, my stay-at-home mom days gone, I get excited about all of the writing I could do, but I also wonder if I need to do more than write. Yet, I worry if I can promote my books successfully if I’m working another job.

What do you do? Is writing a full-time career or do you “make tents” on the side?

* * *

Andy Lee took a maternity leave from teaching Language Arts twenty-four years ago to raise three children and one husband--a soldier in the US Army. Now that everyone is raised, she's a blogger, Bible study writer, writing mentor for Word Weavers International, and mom to one kitty named Hank. She has authored two books, The Book of Ruth: A 31- day Journey to Hope and Promise (AMG, October 2015) and A Mary Like Me (Leafwood, March 2016). Andy writes about finding purpose beyond today at www.wordsbandylee.com. She and her retired, soldier husband live in Wilmington, NC.
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Would you like to participate in Friday "Speak Out!"? Email your short posts (under 500 words) about women and writing to: marcia[at]wow-womenonwriting[dot]com for consideration. We look forward to hearing from you!
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6 comments Andy Lee, empty nest, Friday Speak Out, time management, working, writer income, writing career

Culinary Genius, Toni Piccinini Launches Her Blog Tour for The Goodbye Year

& giveaway contest!

The Goodbye Year: Wisdom and Culinary Therapy to Survive Your Child's Senior Year of High School (and Reclaim the You of You) is an inspirational, honest, and hilarious tale of Toni’s approach to the end of an era in the Piccinini household.

For many mothers, a child’s senior year brings about a serious look back on the past eighteen. Every event—from Halloween to Mother’s Day—becomes The Last Time.

Toni Piccinini knows exactly what that’s like, and in The Goodbye Year, she offers the loving support every soon-to-be Empty Nester needs. Think of Toni as your bossy-but-loving Italian auntie, with modern sensibilities and a packed pantry. With the wisdom she’s acquired from saying goodbye three times to her own children, she reassuringly holds your hand while encouraging you through the insanity of the college application process, the rejections and the acceptances, and the teary dorm drop-offs. Even better, she reminds every mother that the best is yet to come—freedom, creativity, flexibility, and the Me Years.

Paperback: 264 Pages
Publisher: Seal Press (September 10, 2013)
ISBN-10: 1580054862
ISBN-13: 978-1580054867
Twitter hashtag: #TGYPiccinini

The Goodbye Year is available as a print and e-book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, as well as your local independent bookstore.

Book Giveaway Contest:
To win a copy of The GoodbyeYear, please enter using the Rafflecopter form at the bottom of this post. The giveaway contest closes this Friday, October 11th at 12:00 AM EST. We will announce the winner the same day in the Rafflecopter widget. Good luck!

About the Author:

Toni’s writing career started when she stapled her first "book" together and launched it at a reading attended by her brother, Scotty, and her Boxer, Lonesome. The title-less story was a mash-up of Hansel and Gretel, The Six Swans, and a Box Car Children adventure, with the protagonists (sister, brother, and dog) risking everything in their quest for a magical lump of coal that would save the town. It was an immediate success. During the fifty years between her first and second book, The Goodbye Year: Wisdom and Culinary Therapy to Survive Your Child's Senior Year of High School (and Reclaim the YOU of You), she has, in no order of importance or chronology:

• opened a "Top 100" San Francisco restaurant
• published scientific articles on the efficacies of antibiotics
• sang the National Anthem at high school football games
• published essays, recipes, and cookbook reviews
• sent three children off to college

Toni lives in Marin County California, which is a long way from her Western Pennsylvania hometown, Heilwood. She is busy on her next book, which may revisit the power found in a magical lump of coal.

Toni’s Website: http://tonipiccinini.com/home.html

Toni’s Twitter: http://twitter.com/Bellatonicooks

-----Interview by Crystal J. Otto

WOW: Toni, You totally had me at hello! The first few lines of The Goodbye Year coupled with your fun bio information really drew me in. Your fun-loving personality shows through in everything you do. What is your key to being eternally optimistic?

Toni: I've tried the other way—worrying, landing on the worst case scenario, worrying some more—and try as I did (because I thought there was some nobility for a mom to worry) I realized that it's just not me. That's not saying that I don't occasionally get caught up in the growing pains my children are experiencing, but after three Goodbye Years, my Awareness muscle is stronger. Worry, dread, and pessimism are powerless positions and they are without faith. I talk a bit about faith in the December chapter and I always get back to a sentiment that makes me feel better: "If you're gonna pray, don't worry. If you're gonna worry, don't bother praying!"

WOW: That is so true—we can really do ourselves a disservice by worrying. It’s just not healthy emotionally or physically. I love your sentiment, thanks for sharing!

The name of your Restaurant was Mescolanza and the name of your cooking class business is La Cucina Semplice (pronounced: la koo-chee-na sem-plee-chay) I found out that Mescolanza translates to "a little bit of this and a little bit of that" and La Cucina Smeplice translates to “the simple kitchen.” Where did you get the idea for these names and who was the biggest supporter of your culinary adventures?

Toni: My husband, Jeff, and I have similar backgrounds. Italian fathers and American mothers. Both of us grew up around food and Italian culture. When I was expecting our first child, Page, we opened Mescolanza. What is it about pregnancy that makes us feel like moving house, taking on a huge assignment, or opening a restaurant? ;-) Anyway the name, Mescolanza, resonated with us as life is not always one thing (Thank God!) and "a little bit of this and a little bit of that" really defined our approach to our lives. After we sold the restaurant to have the family life we wanted for our, by that time, three children, food was still front and center in my life. I noticed that when my mom pals would stop by for a glass of wine before the dinner hour they were often amazed that what I was cooking was so simple. Simplicity is the essence of Italian food and I wanted to teach this to my fellow moms.

WOW: I can agree with you about cooking while pregnant, but I just don’t know where you find the energy. I’m amazed…here I am 39 weeks pregnant and the thought of emptying the dishwasher seems more difficult than mountain climbing and here you were opening a restaurant. You really are my idol!

I imagine you are a master of time management. Where do you find time for writing, cooking, and running a successful business?

Toni: Well, Crystal, I have a big confession to make. I'm the shits at time management. There is a running joke in my family that I wait till the last minute to do just about everything. I used to make myself bad because I function this way, but the realization that I wouldn't judge another mom as harshly as I was judging myself was expansive. And nothing works like a deadline!

WOW: Toni, thank you for your honesty, but you seemed to do just fine with the details of your tour, so thank you for making this WOW! blog tour easy for me!

Can you share a recipe with us? Something specifically catered to busy moms who love food but don’t have a lot of time for food preparation. Maybe a favorite at your house as your three were growing up.

Toni: Yes! Pastina. This recipe comes from the January chapter: Diets and Denial. I noticed how much my mom friends were beating themselves up over the collection of a few holiday pounds. Pastina is a simple broth, pasta, eggs, and parmigiana.

The Recipe: Pastina

Pastina is the remedy for a cold, the remedy for the feeling that you might be getting a cold, and the remedy for the ill-formed wish that you had a cold so you could stay in bed with a book and ignore the laundry. Pastina is the perfect dish to prepare when you come home from work wet and tired and don’t want to go out. Pastina makes the fastest bowl of comfort to soothe a broken heart. I’ve fed it to the boys when they’ve lost a play-off game, I’ve fed it to Page when she didn’t even get an honorable mention at the speech contest (both years), and I’ve eaten bowls of it when I didn’t know what to do with myself. The essential ingredients are three. Seriously, just three. So you have to make sure they are the best three you can find.

One: il brodo, the broth. If you can make your own, you will always crave that flavor when you think of chicken broth, but come on—who has time to be boiling up a vat of it every other day? Sure, tossing the ingredients into the big stockpot is a nobrainer: chicken bones and skin, necks and wings, celery, carrot, onion, and parsley. But then you have to cool it, skim off the fat, strain it, pour it into storage containers, and clean up the greasy mess. There are rewards for this work. It is easy to sleep at night when you know that you have a cache of frozen broth in your basement deep freeze. But if you’re not on the peppy pills, the good news is that you can buy broth from the grocery store. Look for the organic free-range kind.

Two: the pasta. So simple—buy De Cecco or Barilla pastina. Or Eduardo’s stellette.

Three: the eggs. Collect them from the nests of your backyard flock of Anconas and Leghorns. Okay, buy local, freerange ones. Just don’t buy the white ones that come from the saddest locked-up chickens on the planet because they cost ten cents. They aren’t even worth the ten cents, but you and your loved ones are worth a wholesome, creamy bowl of pastina any day of the week.

What You Need:
1 quart chicken broth
About 8 ounces any tiny cut of pasta
3 eggs

Instructions:
Pour the broth in a large saucepan and heat to boiling. Add the pasta; cook for about 6 minutes, then lower the heat to the lowest setting. Whip up three beautiful yellow-yolked whole eggs short of a froth. Gently fold the eggs into the hot mix with a wide spatula. This will yield a custardy-pasta-chickeny-tasting pot of goodness. If you are feeling frisky, crack some green and black peppercorns or add some freshly grated parmigiana on top of each steaming bowl.

WOW: Seriously, when I read the name of the recipe I was thinking there would be at least 5 ingredients I had never even heard of, and here it’s easier than making waffles. You never cease to amaze me!

I love how you give back. I’d like to hear more about how one hundred pounds of pasta was awarded in your name to the San Francisco Food Bank. Can you tell us the story behind that honor?

Toni: Often I try to change a heavy calorie-laden Italian classic dish into something healthy enough for every day. Golden Grain was working with a health initiative and challenged chefs to lighten up. I made stuffed shells with whipped ricotta and tons of spinach topped off with a fresh tomato sauce. The judges loved it and I was honored to stand in the warehouse of the San Francisco Food Bank and watch the pallet of pasta delivered. I am passionate about food and feeding people. I belong to Slow Food, an international organization whose mission is to work for good, fair food for all.

WOW: Toni, I’m going to be turning to you in a few weeks when I’m trying to lose some of this baby weight—so keep in mind that this girl loves to eat!

In your biography you mention you are working on another book. Most of us juggle the ‘wearing of different hats’ in our lives, and you seem to do it all quite gracefully. What is the key for maintaining balance and staying motivated?

Toni: Thank you, Crystal for the compliment, but I'm not doing anything different than any other moms from coast to coast are doing. We don't give ourselves enough credit for all we do because it becomes second nature. I don't think society places as much value on motherhood as we should. I remember a day I was lamenting to another mom that I "wasn't getting enough done." She suggested that I write down all that I had done that morning. Well, you're a mom—you can imagine the list! And as the years have passed, I've let some things go to create a space for my thoughts which translates to writing time. Even twenty minutes of journal writing first thing in the morning is magical.

WOW: Now I can really tell your children are older than mine, because I’ll settle for two minutes and can’t remember the last time I had twenty minutes to myself…sounds dreamy though!

With the children out of the house have you done anything interesting with their rooms?

Toni: Jeff has taken over the boys' room. We call it The Man Cave. Page's former room is my office and guest room. When Spring Break rolls around we're kicked out which is just fine for both of us. Having a house full of "children" is a joy.

WOW: I must commend you though—it seems you relate with moms at all stages. I’m decorating nurseries while you are creating man caves and yet I feel we understand one another oh too well! You really are great at connecting with readers as well as humans in general.
When you aren’t cooking or writing what might we find you doing? I’ve heard you might do a bit of gardening? Anything else?

Toni: I'm crazy for singles tennis. After all these years, I'm still not very good, but so what! Tennis has taught me that you can love something even if you're not holding goals for improvement. Like a labrador, I just love to chase the ball. Also, I am blessed to live in Marin County where I bike, and hike. When I'm stuck with a writing project, I head for the hills and appreciate the miracle that is this planet. Nature is a communion of sorts for me.

WOW: The next time someone asks me how to keep score in tennis I’ll be expecting a short explanation from you. I think it’s fun to watch but I can’t get the hang of how they score... Speaking of mysteries, I can’t wait to hear more about your next project—can you tell us more about the magical lump of coal?

Toni: I was being a little goofy when I wrote that on the Amazon profile. The stories I wrote as a child growing up in a small Western Pennsylvania coal town always had a happy ending. Magic featured prominently. And I realize that the story I'm working on right now, "Bending Glass" offers the protagonist, a mom, a chance to go back in time and change things is informed by those early memories of hearing reindeers prancing on my roof on Christmas Eve. Thank you so much for this interview. I've enjoyed out time together!

WOW: You’ve enjoyed our time together? You beat me to the punch on that one! I had the opportunity to read a fabulous book, test out some new recipes, AND I’ve made a new friend. I hope you’ll keep in touch with us here at WOW! so we can be a part of your future projects as well because the pleasure has been all mine Toni!

----------Blog Tour Dates

Monday, October 7 (today!) @ The Muffin
Stop by for an interview and book giveaway!
http://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com/

Wednesday, October 9 @ The New Book Review
Toni Piccinini and her unique book The Goodbye Year take today's spotlight at The New Book Review. Find out more about letting go from this culinary genius and mother of three.
http://thenewbookreview.blogspot.com

Wednesday, October 9 @ Kristine Meldrum Denholm
Toni speaks candidly to Kristine and readers about the process of publishing The Goodbye Year and offers tips on surviving this milestone period of parenting. Don't miss this guest blog post and book giveaway!
http://www.kristinemeldrumdenholm.com/

Thursday, October 10 @ Steph the Bookworm
Don't miss today's giveaway of Toni Piccinini's The Goodbye Year and read Toni's guest post titled: "Recipes to Survive Uncertain Times"
http://www.stephthebookworm.com/

Friday, October 11 @ Mom~E~Centric
Join Toni Piccinini as she enlightens readers about "What to Expect Your Teens Last Year of High School" and provides additional insight about her highly recommended book The Goodbye Year. Toni has also graciously offered a giveaway as well - don't miss this blog stop!
http://momecentric.com/

Monday, October 14 @ Read These Books and Use Them!
Toni talks openly to Margo's readers about "Mothering Teens" and offers a giveaway copy of her engaging book The Goodbye Year.
http://margodill.com/blog/

Wednesday, October 16 @ Words By Webb
Find out more about the intriguing and multi-talented Toni Piccinini in her candid interview with Jodi Webb and get entered into the giveaway for The Goodbye Year with is a must read book for parents (especially those who love cooking or eating good food)!
http://jodiwebb.com/

Thursday, October 17 @ CMash Reads
Don't miss the giveaway for The Goodbye Year and a guest post by author, Toni Piccinini as she provides insight into "How to Rediscover Oneself Again After Kids Leave Home."
http://cmashlovestoread.com/

Monday, October 21 @ Memoir Writers Journey
Toni Piccinini stops at Memoir Writer's Journey and shares her thoughts on a surprise topic as well as offering a giveaway about her touching memoir concerning loving, mothering, and letting go - The Goodbye Year.
http://krpooler.com/

Wednesday, October 23 @ Book Worm
Toni Piccinini stops by Book Worm with a guest post and offers a giveaway of her highly acclaimed memoir The Goodbye Year!
http://bookworm66.wordpress.com/

Thursday, October 24 @ Lisa M. Buske
Join author, chef, and business owner Toni Piccinini as she shares a guest post "The Best Recipes for Entertaining" with Lisa M. Buske and offers a giveaway of her humorous memoir The Goodbye Year.
http://www.lisambuske.com/blog.html

Wednesday, October 30 @ All Things Audry
Join Audry as she reviews Toni Piccinini’s memoir The Goodbye Year! Thank you to Audry for this fabulous review and to Toni for offering readers an opportunity for a book giveaway to read this fascinatingly entertaining story for themselves!
http://allthingsaudry.blogspot.com/

Monday, November 4 @ Chaos in the Country
Nichole Smith reads and reviews Toni Piccinini's humorous tale The Goodbye Year and offers a giveaway of this memorable memoir!
http://www.chaosinthecountry.com/

Thursday, November 7 @ Choices
Giveaway of Toni Piccinini's highly favored story of parenting and letting go (sort of) The Goodbye Year and guest post about "How the Goodbye Year Came to Be" and the writing process.
http://madeline40.blogspot.com/

To view all our touring authors, check out our Events Calendar. Keep up with blog stops and giveaways in real time by following us on Twitter @WOWBlogTour.

Get Involved! If you have a website or blog and would like to host one of our touring authors or schedule a tour of your own, please email us at blogtour@wow-womenonwriting.com.

Book Giveaway Contest: Enter to win a copy of The Goodbye Year: Wisdom and Culinary Therapy to Survive Your Child's Senior Year of High School (and Reclaim the You of You), just fill out the Rafflecopter form below. We will announce the winner in the Rafflecopter widget THIS Friday, October 11th.

a Rafflecopter giveaway


Good luck!

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7 comments author interview, blog tour, culinary, empty nest, motherhood, The Goodbye Year, Toni Piccinini