Giving Back Through Our Writing

As many of you know, I am currently on a book blog tour with WOW for my memoir, White Elephants. To be honest, I was extremely nervous in the days leading up to the tour. By the time the actual day came, I was so nervous I could hardly concentrate on anything else.

What kept me from losing it were my four beautiful kids, turning to my writing and the amazing charity I've connected closely to in the last couple of years.

For those of us who have written memoirs with heavier subject matter, the writing process is actually the easy part (if you can use that word with writing such books). What was difficult, at least for me, was the long editing process. Every round of new edits meant I had to re-read and experience those painful moments again. I found that so much more difficult because the writing process was drawing the feelings out and putting them somewhere safe other than in my mind and body. Editing meant that I not only had to go back to the words over and over again until they flowed they way they should, it also meant I had to relive each scene. Some days, and some scenes, it was tougher than I could bear.

 But I had two things that gave me strength not to fall all the way down: a very supportive editing team over at Silver Boomer Books, who all gave me many cyber hugs, love and courage; and a charity that reminded me why I started on this journey in the first place.

By now, many of you know that I work very closely with a local charity called, Zebra Center. They are a Child Protection Center that helps children who have been abused or otherwise victimized get back on the paths they were meant to be on. I actually 'discovered' Zebra Center during my writing process. I spent alot of time talking and emailing with the CEO, Barbara. In fact, it was my talks with her and learning about what these amazing people do for these kids---who aren't so different from where I was so long ago---that gave me the final spark of courage I needed to get my story out there. Now it wasn't just for me that I was telling my story; it was for these kids (and others the Center hasn't found yet) who aren't able to tell theirs.

After White Elephants finally came out, I had a panic attack. "Oh my GOD!" I thought. "Now everyone is going to know what happened!" I felt like I was walking around naked. I was so terrified and emotionally stretched, I didn't have the energy to market the book. Then I finally got to visit the Center and everything changed.

When I walked around that place seeing the hand-drawn pictures from kids they've helped (or touched) framed up on the wall; when I felt the safety, love and sanctity in that place; when I not only heard but saw the passion Barbara and her team had for what they're doing; and when I got to see "Hope's Closet" up close, a soothing calm blanketed me. It was as though in that moment I just knew everything I was doing mattered. And that's what I draw from to keep going forward.

We have such an amazing opportunity to touch people with our writing. And when you can find that special charity or cause that you can connect your books or writing with, it makes it even more special. Some of us write about some very tough stuff, especially those of us in journalism or authoring personal essays and memoirs. Connecting with a charity, as I have with Zebra Center, also helps us see the issues we've survived through an entirely new perspective. A healthier view where we can use our experiences to help. How cool is that?

I'm not saying it's something writers have to do. But connecting with Zebra Center gave me a new perspective of what I went through and brought me full circle. If you can 'discover' a charity that fills your heart that way, embrace it. It keeps you grounded, keeps things real and may even help you work through something--personally or in your writing.

Happy Writing!



Chynna collects books/journals for 'her kids' at Zebra Center.

For more information about Zebra Center, or Chynna's Gift of Reading, click here. 

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6 comments Charities in need of books, Chynna Laird's books, Interview with Chynna Laird, memoir, White Elephants, Zebra Centre

Chynna Laird, author of White Elephants, launches her book tour

& book giveaway contest!

Once in a while comes a book so encompassing of experience it holds the potential to touch each person’s heart. WOW’s own Chynna Laird has written such a book; today we are very proud to share with you White Elephants, a memoir.

White Elephant is a term used to describe a difficult issue people would rather overlook or ignore. Chynna’s family had a very large elephant devouring their very foundation and the only person willing to name it was a small girl named Tami who stood her ground against the charging pachyderm.

The heart of this raging beast is a mother thrown out of control by bipolar disorder and alcoholic binges. Despite loving relatives and friends, the children find themselves alone in a world of pain and confusion. Where others may have crumbled, Tami raised herself up.

As an adult Tami took on her first name, Chynna; this is her remarkable story of abuse, survival, and triumphant recovery. White Elephants will touch your heart. Within these pages you might see your own story, or that of a neighbor or your best friend.

Chynna couldn't help her mother, but she would consider it worth everything if her family's story helped another. That said, writing a memoir and promoting that memoir are two very separate experiences. It takes a strong soul to reveal what, for many of us, still lies in the closet. We feel honored to launch White Elephants on The Muffin today.

Paperback: 280 pages
Publisher: Eagle Wings Press (February 1, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0982624328
ISBN-13: 978-0982624326
Twitter Hashtag: #WhtElephts

White Elephants is available in paperback at Barnes & Noble and both paperback and Kindle at Amazon. A portion of every book sale goes to Zebra Child Protection Centre.

Read a chapter here (PDF): http://eaglewingspress.com/embed-whele.pdf

Did you know… April is: Alcohol Awareness Month, National Child Abuse Prevention Month, and Sexual Assault Awareness Month?

Check it out!
White Elephants is #1 on Goodreads Best Books On Recovering From Childhood Trauma

Book Giveaway Contest: If you would like to win a copy of White Elephants, please leave a comment at the end of this post to be entered in the random drawing. The giveaway contest closes this Thursday, April 19 at 11:59 PM PST. For an extra entry, link to this post on Twitter with the hashtag #WhtElephts, then come back and leave us a link to your tweet. We will announce the winner the following day--Friday, April 20. Good luck!

About the author:

Chynna Laird is a psychology major, freelance writer and multi award-winning author living in Edmonton, Alberta with her partner, Steve, and their three daughters [Jaimie (almost nine), Jordhan (six), and baby Sophie (three)] and baby boy, Xander (five). Her passion is helping children and families living with Sensory Processing Disorder and other special needs.

You’ll find her work in many online and in-print parenting, inspirational, Christian and writing publications in Canada, United States, Australia, and Britain. In addition, she’s authored an award-winning children’s book (I’m Not Weird, I Have SPD), two memoirs (the multi award-winning, Not Just Spirited: A Mom’s Sensational Journey With SPD and White Elephants), a Young Adult novel (Blackbird Flies), an adult Suspense/Thriller (Out Of Sync to be released March 2012), and a Young Adult Suspense/Mystery/Paranormal/Sweet Romance (Undertow, to be released 2012). She’s also working on a sequel to Not Just Spirited called Not Just Spirited: The Journey Continues and a few other projects in the works for Middle Grade and Young Adult readers.

Find the author online:

Author site: Chynna Laird’s Lily Wolf Words http://www.chynna-laird-author.com/

Blogs:

The Gift: http://www.the-gift-blog.com/ A place for writers, readers, Beatles lovers, moms, and ‘Sensational’ families…to reach out, to help or just to give cyber hugs. SPD (sensory processing disorder), Autism, and Aspergers are favorite topics.

White Elephants: http://www.seethewhiteelephants.com/ A Blog About Bipolar and Mood Disorders, Mental Illness and Survival

---------Interview by Robyn Chausse

WOW: Chynna, I first “met” you a few years ago via the Longridge Writer’s Group; I can’t tell you how fun it has been to watch you grow as a writer and now to help you launch your memoir White Elephants…who would’ve thought!

In addition to numerous articles you’ve authored an award-winning children’s book, at least one award-winning memoir (so far), a second memoir, some YA fiction, and an adult suspense novella just released (whew!)—when did your writing journey begin?

Chynna: Gosh, I’m reading the introduction and hardly believing that’s me. LOL! I know this is going to sound really cliché but I’ve actually been writing all of my life. I’ve always loved books and started journaling when I was in my single digits. The story I like to share is the first book I wrote…in elementary school!

In Grade Four, we had a publisher visit our classroom. She taught us about the process of writing books, editing, printing and finally holding the books in our hands. She told us about the exciting life of an author. Well, at least I thought it was exciting. Then we got to participate in the most exciting part: we got to write our own books!

My book was called The Adventures of Superbug. He was invincible with the exception of the size 12 tennis shoe that sealed his ultimate fate. We wrote our stories, created the illustrations, bound them and they were ‘published’! Okay, so we wrote them on plain printing paper, the binding process involved lamination and staples and the publishing part was just our books in the school library but, to me, it was the greatest thing ever! I must have checked every day to see how many kids took it out. It did pretty good, actually. We were supposed to take our books home at the end of the school year and, unfortunately, I forgot about poor Superbug.

Several years later, my sister came home from school waving a book she took out of the library. She was hysterical! You won’t believe what book she had. That’s right! It was Superbug! I took it as a sign that writing was what I was meant to do.

WOW: LOL- how fun! I definitely would have checked that one out! So when did you realize the focus of your writing?

Chynna: I’ve always been someone who writes from my heart. Whether I’m doing a nonfiction essay, a journalistic research piece or a fiction novel, my heart is right there. You can’t go through the experiences I have and not write that way. It can be a minus on some level because you can get refusals for jobs for being ‘too personal’. On the other hand, it’s a huge plus because not only can I write great nonfiction that folks can relate to, I can breathe a reality into my fiction characters that some writers struggle to do.

I just decided a long time ago that I would always be true to myself. I may not necessarily stick to what I know (like they often tell you to in writing school), but I will never be told not to write from my heart. I simply don’t know how to write any other way.

WOW: How did you come to write White Elephants?

Chynna: It’s funny you should ask that. I remember having a conversation with my Uncle Craig about how I’d gone through so much and jokingly telling him I should write a book. “You should,” he said. “Your story would really help others. And I’d be first in line to buy it.” And he was!

I actually started writing the first draft the day after Uncle Craig told me my mother had died. I was finally strong enough to sit down and talk to her about how I felt about our relationship and things that had happened. Even if nothing transpired from the conversation, if nothing changed, at least I could live the rest of my life knowing I tried. But she died and I was left with all of these feelings of resentment, anger and other negative emotions I had to release. It took me less than a month to write that first draft and, admittedly, it was awful.

Not ‘awful’ in the sense that the writing sucked but more in the sense that it was a total regurgitation of all of those emotions I’d kept inside for so long. If I’d published that version, it wouldn’t have done my story justice. It was from anger, and you just can’t write these kinds of stories from anger. So I hired a memoir expert to help me edit it (Thank you, Felice!). She helped me shape it, tone the anger down while bringing out more of the ‘real’ stuff I felt. Man! That was so tough.

From there, I had a manuscript that was real. It’s a difficult read but it’s real and, I think, fair. The whole process (excluding the querying process to find a publisher) took about three years. (I actually ‘shelved’ it for a bit until I could handle selling it to someone.)

WOW: Once published, in February 2011, was there some apprehension in actually promoting the book?

Chynna: Yes, definitely. When I finally found the right ‘home’ for White Elephants, the editing process was very draining too. Each correction or re-read was like going through everything again and some chapters were so tough. But the loving ladies at Eagle Wings Press were empathetic. They held my hand through the entire process (thank you Barb, Becky, Karen and Ginny!) and made me feel safe. I remember becoming so emotional when the book finally came out and I held it in my hands the first time. I thought, Wow! It’s real! It’s finally real!” Then I thought, Oh my GOD! It’s real! And people are going to read it!”

I think it’s natural to go through those feelings when you put a book like this out. It’s like stripping down and standing there in front of the entire world naked. You can’t hide anything anymore, you know? Then, of course, you worry about how people will feel about it or if anyone would be angry, etc. The truth is, I wrote this book to help other people and I’m not helping others by going into hiding after putting it out there. If I expect others to stand up and move forward after going through some of the things I talk about in the book (eg: child abuse, rape, eating disorders, etc.) I have to show them I’m doing the same thing.

I guess you could say that it’s sort of like going through everything all over again—as I talked about how I felt during the editing process. But there’s are reason I wrote White Elephants—to heal, to raise awareness and to let others in similar situations know that they aren’t alone. That is what I think about if that panic feeling tries sneaking back in.

I was strong enough to write it and allow others to read it. I was strong enough to put it out there for the world to read. I am strong enough to make those steps to get it into the hands of those who need it the most.

WOW: I admire you for undertaking this incredible healing journey and having the strength to follow all the way through.

After reading White Elephants, I can see your experiences imprinted in your fiction such as Blackbird Flies; tell us a little about your experience transitioning from non-fiction to fiction.

Chynna: Yes, Blackbird Flies is sort of a loose take on one part of my life with my mom. The story is very special to me. Actually, it was a very natural transition from nonfiction to fiction. Both genres are very similar in that you have a story to tell that need engaging characters, a good plot, catchy dialogue and keeps the reader wanting more. The main difference, of course, is that I can channel everything through my characters without putting myself out there as much.

I thoroughly enjoy writing fiction and have several projects on the go. My readers will recognize a few main staples I have in each book: a musical element (a tribute to my mom), grandparents somewhere in the story (a tribute to my grandparents) and one of the characters struggling with some sort of issue, whether it’s a special need or a tragedy they’re trying to cope with (a tribute to my kids and my past). And there is always a sprinkle of humor because life is better with laughter, no matter what else is going on.

I still have a few nonfiction projects in the works but I like being able to go back and forth.

WOW: In addition to being an award-winning author you are also a psychology major; how do your psych studies influence your writing?

Chynna: Great question! Ironic that I ended up being a psychology major, huh? LOL! My studies affect me a lot, actually. Not only does it give me answers to questions I come across along the way but it helps me understand people better. It helps me see more than just a label or behavior but what’s going on underneath. Honestly, I went into psychology to understand my mom, myself and my children (who have special needs) better. And that brings another element of realness into my writing, I think.

WOW: So, here you are… award-winning writer, wife, mom to four beautiful children—if you could go back and hold a conversation with your young, frightened, punked-out self what would you most like to tell her?

Chynna: Oh Robyn. You’re going to make me cry. I think I’d give myself a hug (which I would have hated but really needed) and I’d have said something I always say to my oldest daughter Jaimie and my son, Xander, whenever they struggle:

You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. (Christopher Robin, Pooh’s Big Adventure)

I’d probably look at myself like I had three heads but I know I would have ‘gotten’ that.

WOW: You give a portion of all your book sales to a charitable cause—would you like to share some words about that here?

Chynna: Thanks so much for asking about this. A portion of every book sale goes to a local charity called, Zebra Centre. A few years ago, I was doing research for a paper and came across this amazing place. It’s a Child Protection Center that helps children who have been abused or otherwise victimized. What drew me to them the most, aside from what they do, is their mandate. They are strictly a child-focus center and they do everything they can to help these kids define their own paths in life, rather than being defined by what’s happened to them. I so appreciate that.

What I love the most is why they call themselves Zebra Centre. In nature, zebras will form a protective circle around their young when faced with danger or predators. They put their lives on the line for those babies, and do it as a community. I can’t even tell you what it meant to me to find such a tremendous charity.

In addition to donating proceeds, we’ve also created ‘Chynna’s Gift of Reading’ where I donate books to these kids. They have absolutely nothing when they’re removed from their homes. One thing that always gave me comfort was reading and writing. So I give books and journals to, hopefully, give back. I guess you could say, things have come full circle.

You can read more about Zebra Center here.

Learn more about Chynna’s Gift of Reading here.

WOW: What’s Next?

Chynna: I love that question. Let's see....I am working on a sequel to Not Just Spirited called Not Just Spirited: The Journey Continues where I pick up from where I left off with Jaimie and move more into what it's like raising two kids with SPD. Craziness. I also have a sequel in the works to the YA suspense paranormal coming out in the summer. AND my big goal is to get into screenwriting.

WOW: You’re just having all kinds of fun! I think I’d call that a very happy…new beginning :)

---------Blog Tour Dates

Tuesday, April 17 @ Journal of a Male Childhood Abuse Survivor
It's hard enough to be a parent but what do you do when your own parents were either absent or abusive? Join Chynna for a talk about being a mother in the absence of mothering.
http://prozacblogger.com/

Wednesday, April 18 @ The Guilty Parent
Join Nichole for a review of White Elephants by Chynna Laird and a chance to win a print copy of this touching memoir! Return to The Guilty Parent on April 30th for a special guest post by Chynna Laird.
http://www.theguiltyparent.com/

Thursday, April 19 @ Meryl's Notes Blog
Join award-winning author Chynna Laird as she shares her top 10 writing tips!
http://www.meryl.net/section/blog/

Friday, April 20 @ Words from the Heart
Bad, difficult, or moody... is that child a handful or is she crying out for help? How can you tell? Join us today and find out!
http://contemplativeed.blogspot.com/

Saturday, April 21 @ All Things Audry
Join Audry Fryer for a review of White Elephants by Chynna Laird!
http://allthingsaudry.blogspot.com/

Monday, April 23 @ Cheryl Loves to Read
Bad Childhood? Don't let it hold you back! Join Chynna today for a talk about moving from abuse to ability. She'll be giving away a copy of her book White Elephants and our host, Cheryl, will share her book review!
http://cmashlovestoread.com/

Tuesday, April 24 @ Empty Nest
Chynna Laird is a mom, a student, and an award winning author--whew! Come by today as she shares her thoughts on how to stay motivated. Also, Pam reviews Chynna's memoir White Elephants.
http://www.emptynest1.com/

Wednesday, April 25 @ A Slice of Life
Come have some fun! Award-winning author Chynna Laird has a special writing challenge for you. You might win a copy of White Elephants!
http://lindahoye.com/

Monday, April 30 @ The Guilty Parent
A "white elephant" is something that people know exists but choose to ignore... Today Chynna talks about writing on "taboo" subjects.
http://www.theguiltyparent.com/

Tuesday, May 1 @ This Mama Cooks
Dealing with a mentally ill family member or one with substance abuse problems can be exhausting and stressful. Come by for a talk on how to keep yourself healthy while under emotional duress.
http://www.thismamacooks.com/

Wednesday, May 2 @ Thoughts in Progress
Chynna is an award-winning author and mother of four--how does she do it all? Come on over for a talk about balancing life as a writing mama!
http://www.masoncanyon.blogspot.com/

Thursday, May 3 @ Stacy Eaton, Author
Join best-selling author Stacy Eaton for a review of White Elephants by Chynna Laird.
http://stacyeatonauthor.blogspot.com/

Friday, May 4 @ Mom~E~Centric
Award-winning author Chynna Laird talks about living with and educating on mental health issues. Don't miss this chance to win a print copy of her straight-forward memoir White Elephants!
http://www.momecentric.com/

Saturday, May 5 @ Callie Kingston
Join Callie Kingston for a review of White Elephants by Chynna Laird!
http://www.calliekingston.com/

Monday, May 7 @ Writer Inspired
You are not your past! Today author Chynna Laird talks about defining our own lives.
http://writerinspired.wordpress.com/

Tuesday, May 8 @ Dream Hour
Love It, Share It! Writing about what you love is the topic today. Join award-winning author Chynna Laird & her host, Jessica for a guest post and book review.
http://dream-hour.com/

Wednesday, May 9 @ Workaday Reads
Get to know award-winning author Chynna Laird. Come by for a chat about how and where she started out. Enter to win a print copy of her fantastic new memoir White Elephants!
http://www.workadayreads.com/

Friday, May 10 @ Happy, Healthy, Whole--The Journey to Find Balance
Yes you can...make it through the rough times, heal your scars, and carry on. Join us--Chynna Laird shares her knowledge and encouragement and our host shares her review of White Elephants.
http://healthy-happy-whole.com/

To view all of our touring authors, check out our Events Calendar here.

Get Involved! If you have a website or blog and would like to host one of our touring authors or schedule a tour of your own, please email Robyn or Jodi at blogtour@wow-womenonwriting.com.

Book Giveaway Contest: Enter to win a print copy of White Elephants by Chynna Laird! Here's how you enter:


1. For your first entry, just leave a comment on this post! Just leave Chynna a comment or ask a question to be entered in the random drawing.

2. For an extra entry, link to this post on Twitter with the hashtag #WhtElephts then come back and leave us a link to your tweet.

The giveaway contest closes Thursday, April 20 at 11:59 PM PST. We will announce the winner in the comments section of this post the following day--Friday, April 20, and if we have the winner's email from the comments section, we will also notify them via email.

Good luck!

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24 comments author interview, book blog tour, book giveaway, book giveaway contest, Interview with Chynna Laird, memoir, White Elephants

Mari McCarthy Asks: WHO Are You? (Review)

Well, Mari McCarthy has done it again. In the newest book in her journaling series, WHO Are You? 7 Days Self-Discovery Journaling Challenge, she gives writers the perfect head-start to writing, journaling, or just discovering who we are beneath the surface.

She starts by sharing us the aim of her book which is to answer questions we often avoid answering such as, "What kind of person am I?" and "What are my dreams and fears?" or even "Where have I been and where am I going?" The only rule Mari has is that we need to go through each of the seven days consecutively, doing all the exercises. Other than that, there is no right or wrong.

Each chapter is set up with an introduction to the chapter's theme, a couple of exercises then tips on how to 'Focus on YOU'. She even gives you a few sample sentences to prompt your creative juices. Each chapter leads into the next, which is why Mari stresses the importance of doing them in order.

The chapter I found most difficult to tackle was Day 5: Courage. You'd think that a person who has two memoirs under her belt would have no trouble writing about things like why I avoid the truth or why I think I shortchange myself or what I'm afraid of. But it was both terrifying and refreshing to complete this section. "Courage can be found in the folds of your beliefs," Mari says. "What do you believe?" It was tough to start but as I wrote, I felt myself opening up.

I won't ruin the joy of this book for you, but I will say I think every writer out there should pick up a copy. It helps get the words out using the art of free-flow writing--that's where you're writing without thinking or trying to be perfect (which many of us writers tend to do). It's all about learning about our inner selves and bringing that into our writing.

I sure wish I'd had Mari there with me when I was trying to get the words out for my memoir White Elephants. Initially, I had so much trouble bringing the words--the right words--out. Without even knowing Mari, I used the very same tactics to help me calm down, work through the anger and tell the story the way it should be told.

Thank you, Mari, for sharing yet another helpful tool to keep our writing strong and keeping our words flowing freely. And, as you always say: WriteON!

-----
Writers, join Mari's next 7 day journaling challenge here: http://www.createwritenow.com/who-are-you-journaling-challenge

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4 comments Chynna Laird, journaling, journaling challenge, Mari L. McCarthy, White Elephants, Who are You? Seven Days Self-Discovery Journaling Challenge

Three Ways to Write Your Memoir/Personal Story

As many of you know, I've written two memoirs (so far!). One is about the painful early years in trying to figure out how to help my daughter, Jaimie (Not Just Spirited: A Mom's Sensational Journey With SPD). The other is about my childhood being raised by a mother with untreated bipolar disorder and alcoholism (White Elephants). Even though I'm narrating these stories, they aren't only my stories to tell. What I mean is, there are others directly or indirectly involved in the telling of the stories--and some of them aren't excited with me sharing them. Sound familiar all you memoir and personal story writers out there?

I didn't find as much of that when Not Just Spirited came out but very much so with White Elephants. In fact, I was actually advised by many people to create a fictional version of the story so that it would be more...'warmly accepted'. I've never been afraid to talk about things that may seem taboo to others but after the story came out, I panicked. What would my family and friends in the book think?

This is actually a very common thing that many writers face, not just those of us writing memoirs addressing serious issues. A lot of people really don't like their business out there for the world to read whether the story is fun, happy, terrifying, goofy or serious. And one of the most popular questions I'm asked in interviews is, "What did/does ______ think of what you wrote?" I guess I just deal with that because certain stories need to be told a specific way. That doesn't mean I disregarded what so-and-so would think of what I'd written but more remembering that I could still tell my story while being respectful of so-and-so's feelings. We've talked about this several times in recent issues of WOW as well as here on The Muffin but let's talk about the three different ways you can share a story:

(1) Fictional: As I mentioned above this was how I was told to write White Elephants. Here you'd simply tell your story through fictional characters. This is the 'safest' way to tell a personal story because you can hide behind the characters you create, altering the setting, location and other things that would make it recognizable to those involved (or at least veil it so they won't feel threatened).

(2) 'Based on a True Story': Hollywood tells stories this way all of the time. The story or events are true but names, characters, location, etc. have been changed so it's standing on the fence between 'fiction' and 'real'. Again, this helps veil certain things (or people) but you can actually say the story (or events) really happened...to someone.

(3) Memoir: This is the route I went. You tell the story. The whole naked truth with all the people, events and/or issues invovled--the good, bad and ugly. This is the most difficult for others involved with your story because you're naming names. There are things you can do, though, to make it a bit easier:

• Talk to those involved. Tell them you're writing this story and ask how they'd feel. Some people won't care, others may not want to be involved. For those who don't want to be involved, try working around that part of the story by touching on the event/person but not going into too much detail. (Eustacia Cutler, for example, wrote her incredible memoir about raising her inspirational daughter Temple Grandin but left her other children out of the book, as per their request. They were okay with the book but didn't want to be in it. That's cool and workable.) I did this too with some experiences.
• Focus on the main part of the story. For example, in White Elephants, the main part of the story was my relationship with my mom--not my brothers', sister, dad or step-dad. Mine. And although we are all connected because of my mom, each of us has our own story to tell and I would never be so bold as to share their stories for them. So I simply kept each of them as a presence being careful to only focus on me and my mom.
• Give first names only or use a different name. I didn't use the last names of any of my friends who were in White Elephants (not that any of them would have cared if I had). This gives them some anonymity in that only those closest to us would know exactly who they were. This was important to me because it was my way of also giving them a nod and gratitude for being there through extremely rough times.
• What's in the book stays in the book; what isn't stays private. There are a few things I didn't include in both White Elephants and Not Just Spirited for various reasons. But I don't talk about them in interviews or whatever either. If I left them out of the book out of respect for certain people, then I shouldn't be discussing them openly outside of the book either.
• Imply without coming right out with it. You can lightly touch on situations that may be too uncomfortable for those involved without getting into the nitty gritty. Give enough information that your reader 'gets' where you're going then continue. For example, I address serious issues like child/sexual abuse, rape, eating disorders and more in White Elephants but I give more details than are required.

You see? There are several ways you can tell that important story while still respecting everyone involved. In my opinion, though, if you're going to be brave enough to tell your story, tell it your way. Believe me when I say you can't make everyone happy nor can you keep the ripples out of the water completely. But you can create a story that needs to be read. Just be honest, be true to yourself and trust your gut.

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1 comment Chynna Laird, Memoir writing, Not Just Spirited A Mom's Sensational Journey With Sensory Processing Disorder, tips on writing memoirs, White Elephants