Wow! Isn't this an interesting time? I'd love to tell you that everything is pleasant at our residence and that I'm going to give you the key to making your Covid-19 time magical. I'd also love to tell you this will be ending by the weekend. I'd also like to give each of you a unicorn and a rainbow.
Now you know what I'd like to do - and you also know I can't. Here's what I would like to do instead:
I'd like to share a bit of my own reality and recommend you find one small thing each day. Just something small that will bring a bit of sunshine into the storm that is reality right now. No one knows the intricate details of your life but I have a feeling whether you are an essential worker, a work from home worker, a furloughed worker, a mom, a baker, or a candlestick maker you've been effected by the Covid-19 pandemic.
Here at our house, it's the usual spring business for the farm. Our agronomist just emailed the report about how our fields did for winter kill. We are struggling with buying seed, hauling manure, re-seeding fields, and of course the dropping milk prices. This really isn't unusual. The last 5 years of farming have been difficult and this year really isn't all that different. This is a good thing. What's unusual is having all our school age children here ALL DAY LONG - EACH AND EVERY DAY. And yes, we are blessed. Yes, we enjoy them. Yes, they are wonderful.
I thought working from home was glamorous. When I started working from home (I'm only at my office 2 mornings a week usually, so this is nothing new here) I realized it was a bit more challenging than I thought. I was juggling a few toddlers, slow internet, interruptions like laundry, dishes, or a visit from the neighbor. And this one time all the cows got out - but that's a story for another day.
Now there's 7 of us in this house all day long. The distractions are unending, the noise is deafening, and someone is constantly hungry. I'm teaching things I barely know a thing about - like the area of a triangle...can't say I've ever used this information from my own middle school years. Most days I feel like I'm drowning. I should be enjoying every moment surrounded by my family. I shouldn't complain because there are people who I love and who are very dear to me who haven't felt the touch of another person in 6 weeks. I try to keep it all in perspective.
Here's what I have found to be very helpful in finding my happy. I have yet to find balance, but choosing ONE SMALL THING each day has helped me take a deep breathe. It's not always the same thing each day and again I don't claim to know your life or what will or will not work for you. Here are a few things I've done that are small but help me find my happy:
Take a walk in the woods Go for a run (outside or on the treadmill) Try a new recipe Facetime with a friend Bake something for a friend Reading a few chapters of a good book Take a bubble bath Lighting a candle Opening a window Taking a nap Writing in my journal Planting some seeds Rubbing my feet Calling a friend or relative Checking in on someone I love and care about Putting lotion on my hands
See? Some of these things are incredibly small. Others may take a bit more time/energy, but none of them are so huge I need to change my plans. I finished brushing my teeth this morning and noticed a small bottle of hand lotion. I rubbed a bit on my hands, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and as I massaged my palms and took in the lavender scent, I released some tension in my shoulders. The toddler saying "mommy mommy" outside the door felt like more of a blessing when I opened the door and stepped back into reality.
I've noticed people are doing a lot of purging and cleaning. That's impressive, but if you don't have much time, it's ok if you don't do the big things. Reality is, some people are not going to make it out of this pandemic alive. My goal is help carry our family through this with our health and our sanity. I only look at grades once a week, my hair is graying around my face, and I'm struggle to eat healthy. I just keep telling myself it's all going to be okay and when I feel like things are too loud, too disorganized, too much...I find my one small thing for the day. Finding that one small thing has helped me find my happy.
What do you do when you feel your happy slipping away? What is one small thing you've done or want to do to help yourself feel better during this difficult time? What does your reality look like? I'd love to hear from you!
Hugs (virtual for now),
~Crystal
Crystal is the office manager, council secretary, financial secretary, and musician at her church, birth mother, Auntie, babywearing mama, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband and their five youngest children, two dogs, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, horses Darlin' and Joker, and over 250 Holsteins.
You can find Crystal milking cows, riding horses, and riding unicorns (not at the same time), taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books here, and at her own blog - Crystal is dedicated to turning life's lemons into lemonade and she has never (not once) been accused of being normal!
...and giveaway! We are quite excited to have back with us - Shirley Melis and her memoirBanged-Up Heart. Readers and listeners of this book have had so many wonderful things to say about this inspiring story. We are delighted to offer a giveaway of the Audible version of Banged-Up Heart - keep reading to find out more about this author, her story, the giveaway, and the book blog tour!
Banged-Up Heart: Dancing with Love and Loss is an intimate and clear-eyed account of finding love late and losing it early—and of the strength it takes to fall deeply in love a second time, be forced to relinquish that love too soon, and yet choose to love again.
When her husband of thirty years dies suddenly, Shirley Melis is convinced she will never find another man like Joe. Then she meets John, a younger man who tells her during their first conversation that he has lived for many years with a rare but manageable cancer. She is swept off her feet in a whirlwind courtship, and within months, made brave by the early death of a friend’s husband, she asks him to marry her! What follows is a year-long odyssey of travel and a growing erotic and creative partnership— until a mysterious bump on John’s forehead proves to be one of several tumors in his brain and spine.
The nine months that follow are filled with a life-threatening infection, three brain surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy. Two years and one week after their wedding, John dies at the age of fifty-nine. More than just a love story or a memoir of mourning, Banged-Up Heart comes down solidly on the side of life. It takes you deep inside an ordinary woman, her deeply felt grief butting up against her desire for more than companionship: passion, sexual fulfillment, and self-realization. It bears eloquent witness to the wild trust it takes to fall madly in love and risk profound loss—a second time. Ultimately, it shows that it is possible to dance with a banged-up heart.
Banged-Up Heart: Dancing with Love and Loss is available in print on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and IndieBound. The audio version is available on Audible.
Book Giveaway Contest:
To win an Audible copy of Banged-Up Heart, please enter using the Rafflecopter form at the bottom of this post. The giveaway contest closes Sunday, July 14th at 11:59 PM EST. We will announce the winner the next day in the Rafflecopter widget. Good luck!
About the Author: Shirley Melis is a longtime business writer, travel writer, and newspaper columnist who traveled the world interviewing everyone from busboys to heads of international organizations before launching a career in public relations in Washington, D.C. With Banged-Up Heart, she now takes her writing in a new direction, delving deeply into her own personal story of finding love late, losing it early, and discovering the strength to choose to love again. It is a fascinating odyssey, a journey both creative and erotic as Shirley and John work lovingly together to blend their dreams—until a mysterious bump on his forehead starts them on a tragic struggle against the dark hand of fate.
A graduate of Vassar, Shirley Melis has created an intimate memoir bearing eloquent witness to the kind of wild trust that can grow in the heart of an ordinary woman thrust into circumstances that few others must face. Now retired, she lives in Galisteo, New Mexico.
WOW: Thank you so much for choosing WOW! for your book blog tour. Thank you also for your time in this interview. After reading your bio and book summary, I’m sure readers are excited to learn more about you. We are all glad you are here Shirley!
You had a plan to write a book about women thriving into old age – that plan changed course, but what spurred your initial plan?
Shirley: Knowing I’d be in my sixties when I retired and wanting to write, I thought there’d be a market for a book like this. People today, especially women, can expect to live longer and healthier lives than their parents. Some may need role models. I like reading about women who are thriving mentally, emotionally, and physically despite growing older. Of course, it would be important to find women whose backgrounds and passions differed from one another. And I would have to hone my interviewing skills and figure out what questions to ask. As I told Pierrette Kemoul, a literary journal editor and writer in Brittany, when John and I were guests of hers and her husband Gwenael, I like the idea of doing something that is not only challenging and interesting but also worthwhile. Now that I’ve written a memoir and have another percolating, I don’t know when or whether I’ll ever get back to my initial plan.
WOW: Another percolating? How exciting is that! (But I’m getting ahead of myself.) Who was most influential in your decision to write and publish Banged-Up Heart? How so?
Shirley: Like spontaneous combustion, my decision erupted not long after John’s death. I felt blindsided and had to figure out what had happened to me. Throughout my life, writing has helped me think and see more clearly. You could say it was John, rather, John’s death that triggered my decision to write. At first I was writing for myself but when a close friend said, “Shirley, other people will be interested in reading this,” I thought, Really? Then I’d better go the distance and make it worthwhile.
WOW: Spontaneous combustion – I love that you use that term to describe your decision! You’re such a spitfire as my mom would say!
Was there anything you wrote about that you felt a little timid including in your memoir? Were you worried about the perception of others? What helped you get past those hurdles of worrying what others might think?
Shirley: Any qualms I had, and I had a few, were dashed when I started working with editor Morgan Farley, who asked questions I had to answer. The more I talked with Morgan, who is a demon for truth, and the more I wrote, the fewer qualms I had. I think age helped me get past worrying about others’ perceptions of me. I have a close friend who was appalled by my writing a memoir. “It’s too personal,” she said after reading a few pages. Another said, “Shirley, I’m so proud of you for telling the truth. I’ve spent my whole life trying to hide some of my behavior but you just come out with it.” I figure that as long as I’m not hurting someone else, I have no good reason to hold back. That said, I did change the names of two characters in my book because I didn’t want to embarrass them outright.
WOW: Demon for truth huh? I seriously need to spend more time with you! You’re an awesome wordsmith.
Walk us through the name of your book and the cover artwork – how did you choose them and why?
Shirley: I hadn’t completed my book when I registered to attend a college reunion that would feature creative work by classmates. Realizing this could a great opportunity to promote my book, I asked a creative advertising ace to create a poster for me to display. Within days, she had everything she needed from me with one exception: a title for the book. I’d sent her a photo to use as a cover mock-up – a burned out forest with nascent green grass denoting regrowth in the foreground. But I was still clueless about a title.
Hoping for an epiphany, I hunkered down with the last several chapters. I would be discussing one, possibly more, of these with my editor in a few days. In one chapter my attention riveted on a selection by writer Anne Lamott that the Rev. Kim Beach read at John’s memorial service. That’s it! I thought.
Eager to share my find with editor Morgan Farley, I could hardly contain myself as I sat down at the table for our editing session. “I have a title!” I blurted. “So do I,” she said. “Banged-Up Heart,” I said. “That’s what I came up with, too.” Morgan beamed with delight. And that’s the story of how I found a title for my memoir – in time to promote it at my college Reunion. Since then, the cover has changed by the title remains.
Fretting over artwork for the cover – decided the photo was too grim (two college classmates had said as much) – heeded the advice of my artist friend Lewis Hawkins who advised, “Get a pencil and paper and start doodling. You’ll come up with something.” At breakfast one morning, I shared my doodling – lightly banged-up looking letters for the title separated from the subtitle by a rose – with my husband Frank. “Here, he said, pencil in hand. “Break the stem of the rose.” I shared our doodle with friends at dinner who applauded. Why the rose? I can’t tell you. It must have been subconscious. In fact, roses frequently appear in my memoir. It was graphic artist Scott Gerber, publisher of Terra Nova Books, who turned my doodle into the beautiful cover you see today.
WOW: I love the cover even more now that I know the back story – thank you! Will you be doing any public speaking in the future? Is there a plan to use your experience to help others who are grieving?
Shirley: I’ll be reading and speaking for my book launch at Collected Works Bookstore in Santa Fe, New Mexico, on February 4th. Later in the month, I’ll participate in a reading/signing event at Goodworks, an independent bookstore in Albuquerque. Friends have offered to host a private reading in early March. And Independent bookstore, op cit books Santa Fe, has offered me and another Terra Nova Books author a joint reading/signing. In a couple of weeks I'm being interviewed on KOB 4, an NBC affiliate in Albuquerque, for “Good Day, New Mexico.”
Once my book is out on February 14th (anyone can pre-order now) and people have a chance to read it and react, I’ll have a better take on whether I might be able to use my experience to help others. If I can, I would like to, and I’m open to suggestions.
WOW: Earlier you eluded to another memoir brewing, so do tell: What is next for you?
Shirley: I have another memoir in the works and more traveling to do with my husband Frank.
WOW:Another memoir - that's very exciting! What made you decide to turn Banged-Up Heart into an audio book as well as print? What have you learned in this process?
Shirley:Inspired by a close friend whose vision is failing -- she shared with me her regret that although she owned my book, her poor vision did not allow her to read it – and a total stranger who, after telling me she was blind, asked at a book reading, When can I hear your book? I started pondering the possibility of offering Banged-Up Heart as an audiobook.
Some months later, at a monthly meeting of the New Mexico Book Association, the program speaker, Laurie Bower, riveted my attention. Laurie, an audiobook narrator, talked about the process of producing an audiobook. I asked her for her business card and a couple of weeks later, called her. Before meeting Laurie, I’d thought I would read my own book. But I hadn’t realized how much there is to it. Reading excerpts at book signings/readings is a lot different from reading an entire book and I would have to be coached. Meanwhile, I had started writing a second memoir and wondered how I would make time to produce an audiobook.
In response to Laurie’s suggestion that she do a 15-minute sample reading for my reaction, I sent her several pages of text that included six characters. When she gave me the word, I plugged my ear buds into my laptop and listened to Laurie read. And then I asked my husband Frank to listen. “Marvelous,” he said. I agreed. The depth of her voice and her ability to articulate clearly impressed both of us. Within days, I signed a contract with Laurie. “I’ll read a few chapters at a time and download them through ACX (an Audible affiliate) for you to listen to and edit,” she said. “I should have this completed so we can meet your goal of having it out by Valentine’s Day.” I liked the idea of having the audiobook out by February 14th, the date my paperback had been published two years earlier. What I did not foresee was that I would be consumed with moving from our house in the village of Galisteo, New Mexico, into a new house closer to Santa Fe the month of January. By the time I completed my proof-listening, I was behind the eightball. I knew from Laurie that ACX would require time to put the audiobook through a process called “Quality assurance.” In fact, it didn’t take long, but I missed my February 14th target by one week. On February 21st, ACX sent me a congratulatory email: “Banged-Up Heart: Dancing with Love and Loss is now on sale at Audible, and it will be available on iTunes and Amazon with the next few days.”
I learned that hiring a good narrator does not mean the author is off the hook. Nor should she be. The best of narrators cannot be expected to know how to pronounce all of the placenames in your book. In my memoir, I did not use a lot of “he/she said.” Because of this, Laurie occasionally read dialogue in my voice when it was someone else who was speaking. Catching these falls on the shoulders of the author. Proof-listening by the author is an all-important component of producing a good audiobook.
WOW: I'm so glad I asked - that's such a great story of how this audible version came to fruition as well as great advice for others! How did you feel hearing Banged-Up Heart for the first time on Audible? Shirley: Enthralled. Laurie’s voice was my voice, and all of the other voices in my book. As I listened, I relived my story with the many feelings I had experienced. The quality of Laurie’s voice caused me to laugh, smile and at times, to cry. WOW: I've listened to the audio version myself - and I agree with you - Laurie's narration adds an extra special boost of emotion to an already inspirational story! What advice would you give other authors about publishing their work as an audiobook?
Shirley: Although I am addicted to reading a book by holding it in my hand, there are many times when an audiobook is the perfect medium. On the treadmill, for example, or while driving long distances. And for people whose vision is impaired and for those who simply prefer to listen than to read, an audiobook can be a godsend. There is a growing market, I’m told, for audiobooks and for that reason alone, you should consider an audiobook. Of course, if your book contains a boatload of statistics, it might not be an apt candidate.
WOW: I certainly agree about holding a book in my hand - but after listening to your book, I am becoming more impressed with audio options! I guess we will have to stay connected via social media so we don’t miss more of your exciting adventures. I personally can’t wait to read more of your work and I hope you’ll be back touring with WOW! for your future memoir. It has been such a pleasure!
July 9 @ Book Santa Fe Crystal Otto
Crystal J. Casavant-Otto shares her review after listening to the touching and inspiring memoir Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis. http://www.booksantafe.info/
July 10 @ Lisa Buske
Lisa Buske reviews the Audible version of Banged-Up Heart: Dancing with Love and Loss by Shirley Melis. https://www.lisambuske.com/
July 11 @ Bring on Lemons with Tara Forst
Wisconsin mother and business woman Tara Forst shares her thoughts after listening to the inspirational audible version of Banged-Up Heart by Shirley Melis. http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
July 12th @ BreakEven Books
Today's Author Spotlight at BreakEven Books is on Shirley Melis and her memoir Banged-Up Heart - now available on Audible! https://breakevenbooks.com/
July 13 @ Bring on Lemons with Angela Williams
Angela Williams reviews Shirley Melis's Banged Up Heart. http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
July 14 @ Bring on Lemons with Cathy Hansen
Educator and Entrepreneur Cathy Hansen reads and reviews Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis. You'll want to stop by Bring On Lemons today for your chance to learn more about this touching and encouraging memoir (now available on Audible). http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
July 15 @ Lisa Haselton
Shirley Melis is being interviewed today by Lisa Haselton. Stop at Lisa's blog to learn more about Banged Up Heart, a non-fiction, memoir (now available on Audible), about finding the courage and strength to love again. http://lisahaseltonsreviewsandinterviews.blogspot.com/
July 16 @ Bring on Lemons with Madeline Sharples
Fellow memoir writer Madeline Sharples interviews Shirley Melis about her book Banged Up Heart. (now available on Audible) Don't miss this heart felt interview about courage and love. http://madelinesharples.com/
July 17 @ Jerry Waxler
Coach and Author Jerry Waxler shares his thoughts after reading Shirley Melis's memoir Banged Up Heart. www.memorywritersnetwork.com/blog
July 19 @ Linda Appleman Shapiro
Don't miss today's interview between memoirist Linda Appleman Shapiro and Shirley Melis. Find out more about Melis and her memoir Banged Up Heart (now available on Audible). http://applemanshapiro.com/
July 20 @ Bring on Lemons with Penny Harrison
Wisconsin business owner and avid reader Penny Harrison shares her thoughts and feelings about Shirley Melis's memoir Banged Up Heart (now available on Audible). http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
July 22 @ Memoir Writers Journey with Kathleen Pooler
Kathleen Pooler shares her thoughts with readers of Memoir Writer's Journey - find out what Pooler has to say about reading Shirley Melis's memoir Banged Up Heart. http://krpooler.com/
July 23 @ Bring on Lemons with Pang Papathopolus
Wisconsin professional caregiver and health care worker Pang gives her review of the Audible version of Banged-Up Heart by Shirley Melis. http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
July 24 @ The Constant Story with David W. Berner
Author and radio personality David W Berner reviews Shirley Melis's book Banged Up Heart and shares his thoughts with readers at The Constant Story. http://davidwberner.blogspot.com/
July 25@ World of My Imagination
Nicole Pyles shares her review of Banged-Up Heart on Audible - hear what she has to say about this memoir in it's audio form! https://theworldofmyimagination.blogspot.com/
July 26 @ Bring on Lemons with Michelle DelPonte
Michelle DelPonte shares her review of the Audible version of Shirley Melis's Banged Up Heart today at Bring on Lemons. Don't miss this exciting blog stop and book giveaway. http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
*****BOOK GIVEAWAY*****
Enter to win an Audible copy of Banged-Up Heart: Dancing with Love and Loss by Shirley Melis! Just fill out the Rafflecopter form below. We will announce the winner in the Rafflecopter widget next Monday, July 15th.
I learned a fun life skill a few decades ago, and it can also be a lot of fun when writing as well. My mother-in-law didn't call it "an alternate point of view," it was just something she would do to pass the time, lighten a tense situation, or entertain the rest of us. A great example would be the musical Wicked (which I was privileged to see with my mother today). We all grew up knowing the story of The Wizard of Oz with Dorothy, ToTo, Ms. Gulch, the Munchkins, and Glinda. Or did we? The truth is, we don't ever really know the entire story. Do we?
Using an alternate point of view regarding The Wizard of Oz is the entire premise of Wicked. Have you considered taking a familiar story and changing the point of view as a way to inspire your own new works? Have you considered using alternating points of view in your writing? Switching viewpoints takes quite a bit of planning, but when done well it is very enjoyable for the reader. Do you have a favorite book written with an alternating point of view? One I read quite recently was Fractured by Catherine McKenzie and I feel the alternating was done quite well.
Now - for those of you who don't enjoy reading alternating point of view stories, I'll share a few fun stories from my mother in law. You'll see why I feel it is a life skill.
The neighbor comes and goes at unusual times and every time her vehicle backs out of the driveway, the dog barks and you wake up. Frustrating, right? Hmmm...since you can't sleep anyway, you look at the situation from a different point of view. Maybe she's a nurse and she is on the keratoplasty team. She gets called out anytime there's a death at the local hospital and she has limited time to remove the decedents cornea so it can be used to restore vision in the transplant recipient. She's a hero and from there your imagination goes wild - How did the donor die? How did the family of the recipient feel when they got that call? What made her decide to became specialized in this particular procedure? Why aren't more nurses able to do this procedure? Before you know it, you're back to sleep dreaming about heroes in capes saving the world - one eyeball at a time!
A simpler example might be the minivan that pulled out in front of you causing you to lock up your brakes and mutter curse words under your breath. Take a deep breath and come up with a quick story from that person's point of view. Maybe it's a young couple expecting their first child. Mom is panting through her contractions and Dad is frantically trying to get to the hospital before he has to deliver this baby on the side of the road. If I do this quick point of view change, I find myself thinking, I hope they make it on time, instead of who gave this jerk a driver's license?
This may be difficult, but writers will have no problem creating all sorts of fun short tales to explain away frustrating situations in every day life. Give it a try sometime and let us know your thoughts!
***
Crystal is a council secretary and musician at her church, birth mother, babywearing cloth diapering mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 10, Andre 9, Breccan 3, Delphine 2, and baby Eudora due this fall), two dogs, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.
You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff here, and at her personal blog - Crystal is dedicated to turning life's lemons into lemonade!
Banged-Up Heart: Dancing with Love and Loss is an intimate and clear-eyed account of finding love late and losing it early—and of the strength it takes to fall deeply in love a second time, be forced to relinquish that love too soon, and yet choose to love again.
When her husband of thirty years dies suddenly, Shirley Melis is convinced she will never find another man like Joe. Then she meets John, a younger man who tells her during their first conversation that he has lived for many years with a rare but manageable cancer. She is swept off her feet in a whirlwind courtship, and within months, made brave by the early death of a friend’s husband, she asks him to marry her! What follows is a year-long odyssey of travel and a growing erotic and creative partnership— until a mysterious bump on John’s forehead proves to be one of several tumors in his brain and spine.
The nine months that follow are filled with a life-threatening infection, three brain surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy. Two years and one week after their wedding, John dies at the age of fifty-nine. More than just a love story or a memoir of mourning, Banged-Up Heart comes down solidly on the side of life. It takes you deep inside an ordinary woman, her deeply felt grief butting up against her desire for more than companionship: passion, sexual fulfillment, and self-realization. It bears eloquent witness to the wild trust it takes to fall madly in love and risk profound loss—a second time. Ultimately, it shows that it is possible to dance with a banged-up heart.
Paperback: 300 Pages
Genre: Memoir/Non Fiction
Publisher: Terra Nova Books (February 14, 2017)
ISBN-10: 193828870X
ISBN-13: 978-1938288708
Book Giveaway Contest:
To win a copy of Banged-Up Heart, please enter using the Rafflecopter form at the bottom of this post. The giveaway contest closes Sunday, February 19th at 11:59 PM EST. We will announce the winner the next day in the Rafflecopter widget. Good luck!
About the Author: Shirley Melis is a longtime business writer, travel writer, and newspaper columnist who traveled the world interviewing everyone from busboys to heads of international organizations before launching a career in public relations in Washington, D.C. With Banged-Up Heart, she now takes her writing in a new direction, delving deeply into her own personal story of finding love late, losing it early, and discovering the strength to choose to love again. It is a fascinating odyssey, a journey both creative and erotic as Shirley and John work lovingly together to blend their dreams—until a mysterious bump on his forehead starts them on a tragic struggle against the dark hand of fate.
A graduate of Vassar, Shirley Melis has created an intimate memoir bearing eloquent witness to the kind of wild trust that can grow in the heart of an ordinary woman thrust into circumstances that few others must face. Now retired, she lives in Galisteo, New Mexico.
WOW: Thank you so much for choosing WOW! for your book blog tour. Thank you also for your time in this interview. After reading your bio and book summary, I’m sure readers are excited to learn more about you. We are all glad you are here Shirley!
You had a plan to write a book about women thriving into old age – that plan changed course, but what spurred your initial plan?
Shirley: Knowing I’d be in my sixties when I retired and wanting to write, I thought there’d be a market for a book like this. People today, especially women, can expect to live longer and healthier lives than their parents. Some may need role models. I like reading about women who are thriving mentally, emotionally, and physically despite growing older. Of course, it would be important to find women whose backgrounds and passions differed from one another. And I would have to hone my interviewing skills and figure out what questions to ask. As I told Pierrette Kemoul, a literary journal editor and writer in Brittany, when John and I were guests of hers and her husband Gwenael, I like the idea of doing something that is not only challenging and interesting but also worthwhile. Now that I’ve written a memoir and have another percolating, I don’t know when or whether I’ll ever get back to my initial plan.
WOW: Another percolating? How exciting is that! (But I’m getting ahead of myself.) Who was most influential in your decision to write and publish Banged-Up Heart? How so?
Shirley: Like spontaneous combustion, my decision erupted not long after John’s death. I felt blindsided and had to figure out what had happened to me. Throughout my life, writing has helped me think and see more clearly. You could say it was John, rather, John’s death that triggered my decision to write. At first I was writing for myself but when a close friend said, “Shirley, other people will be interested in reading this,” I thought, Really? Then I’d better go the distance and make it worthwhile.
WOW: Spontaneous combustion – I love that you use that term to describe your decision! You’re such a spitfire as my mom would say!
Was there anything you wrote about that you felt a little timid including in your memoir? Were you worried about the perception of others? What helped you get past those hurdles of worrying what others might think?
Shirley: Any qualms I had, and I had a few, were dashed when I started working with editor Morgan Farley, who asked questions I had to answer. The more I talked with Morgan, who is a demon for truth, and the more I wrote, the fewer qualms I had. I think age helped me get past worrying about others’ perceptions of me. I have a close friend who was appalled by my writing a memoir. “It’s too personal,” she said after reading a few pages. Another said, “Shirley, I’m so proud of you for telling the truth. I’ve spent my whole life trying to hide some of my behavior but you just come out with it.” I figure that as long as I’m not hurting someone else, I have no good reason to hold back. That said, I did change the names of two characters in my book because I didn’t want to embarrass them outright.
WOW: Demon for truth huh? I seriously need to spend more time with you! You’re an awesome wordsmith.
Walk us through the name of your book and the cover artwork – how did you choose them and why?
Shirley: I hadn’t completed my book when I registered to attend a college reunion that would feature creative work by classmates. Realizing this could a great opportunity to promote my book, I asked a creative advertising ace to create a poster for me to display. Within days, she had everything she needed from me with one exception: a title for the book. I’d sent her a photo to use as a cover mock-up – a burned out forest with nascent green grass denoting regrowth in the foreground. But I was still clueless about a title.
Hoping for an epiphany, I hunkered down with the last several chapters. I would be discussing one, possibly more, of these with my editor in a few days. In one chapter my attention riveted on a selection by writer Anne Lamott that the Rev. Kim Beach read at John’s memorial service. That’s it! I thought.
Eager to share my find with editor Morgan Farley, I could hardly contain myself as I sat down at the table for our editing session. “I have a title!” I blurted. “So do I,” she said. “Banged-Up Heart,” I said. “That’s what I came up with, too.” Morgan beamed with delight. And that’s the story of how I found a title for my memoir – in time to promote it at my college Reunion. Since then, the cover has changed by the title remains.
Fretting over artwork for the cover – decided the photo was too grim (two college classmates had said as much) – heeded the advice of my artist friend Lewis Hawkins who advised, “Get a pencil and paper and start doodling. You’ll come up with something.” At breakfast one morning, I shared my doodling – lightly banged-up looking letters for the title separated from the subtitle by a rose – with my husband Frank. “Here, he said, pencil in hand. “Break the stem of the rose.” I shared our doodle with friends at dinner who applauded. Why the rose? I can’t tell you. It must have been subconscious. In fact, roses frequently appear in my memoir. It was graphic artist Scott Gerber, publisher of Terra Nova Books, who turned my doodle into the beautiful cover you see today.
WOW: I love the cover even more now that I know the back story – thank you! Will you be doing any public speaking in the future? Is there a plan to use your experience to help others who are grieving?
Shirley: I’ll be reading and speaking for my book launch at Collected Works Bookstore in Santa Fe, New Mexico, on February 4th. Later in the month, I’ll participate in a reading/signing event at Goodworks, an independent bookstore in Albuquerque. Friends have offered to host a private reading in early March. And Independent bookstore, op cit books Santa Fe, has offered me and another Terra Nova Books author a joint reading/signing. In a couple of weeks I'm being interviewed on KOB 4, an NBC affiliate in Albuquerque, for “Good Day, New Mexico.”
Once my book is out on February 14th (anyone can pre-order now) and people have a chance to read it and react, I’ll have a better take on whether I might be able to use my experience to help others. If I can, I would like to, and I’m open to suggestions.
WOW: Earlier you eluded to another memoir brewing, so do tell: What is next for you?
Shirley: I have another memoir in the works and more traveling to do with my husband Frank.
WOW: I guess we will have to stay connected via social media so we don’t miss more of your exciting adventures. I personally can’t wait to read more of your work and I hope you’ll be back touring with WOW! for your future memoir. It has been such a pleasure!
Feb 14 @ Lisa Haselton
Shirley Melis is being interviewed today by Lisa Haselton. Stop at Lisa's blog to learn more about Banged Up Heart, a non-fiction, memoir, about finding the courage and strength to love again. http://lisahaseltonsreviewsandinterviews.blogspot.com/
Feb 15 @ Bring on Lemons with Michelle DelPonte
Michelle DelPonte shares her review of Shirley Melis's Banged Up Heart today at Bring on Lemons. Don't miss this exciting blog stop and book giveaway. http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Feb 16 @ Choices with Madeline Sharples
Fellow memoir writer Madeline Sharples interviews Shirley Melis about her book Banged Up Heart. Don't miss this heart felt interview about courage and love. http://madelinesharples.com/
Feb 17 @ Jerry Waxler
Coach and Author Jerry Waxler shares his thoughts after reading Shirley Melis's memoir Banged Up Heart. www.memorywritersnetwork.com/blog
Feb 20 @ Bring on Lemons with Crystal Otto
Crystal J. Casavant-Otto shares her review after reading the touching and inspiring memoir Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis. http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Feb 22 @ Bring on Lemons with Angela Williams
Angela Williams reviews Shirley Melis's Banged Up Heart. http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Feb 23 @ Linda Appleman Shapiro
Don't miss today's interview between memoirist Linda Appleman Shapiro and Shirley Melis. Find out more about Melis and her memoir Banged Up Heart. http://applemanshapiro.com/
Feb 23 @ Writer’s Pay it Forward
MC Simon interviews Shirley Melis about her novel Banged Up Heart for readers at Writers Pay it Forward. Don't miss this courageous memoir. http://writerspayitforward.com/
Feb 24 @ Memoir Writers Journey with Kathleen Pooler
Kathleen Pooler shares her thoughts with readers of Memoir Writer's Journey - find out what Pooler has to say about Shirley Melis's memoir Banged Up Heart. http://krpooler.com/
Feb 27 @ Bring on Lemons with Cathy Hansen
Educator and Entrepreneur Cathy Hansen reads and reviews Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis. You'll want to stop by Bring On Lemons today for your chance to learn more about this touching and encouraging memoir. http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Feb 28 @ Bring on Lemons with Cindi Ashbeck
Cindi Ashbeck shares her thoughts after reading the touching story Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis. http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
March 1 @ Bring on Lemons with Penny Harrison
Wisconsin business owner and avid reader Penny Harrison shares her thoughts and feelings about Shirley Melis's memoir Banged Up Heart. http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
March 2 @ Book Santa Fe with Tange Dudet
Avid reader and book enthusiast Tange Dudet shares her thoughts and feelings after reading the touching memoir Banged Up Heart by Shirley Melis. http://www.booksantafe.info/
March 3 @ The Constant Story with David W. Berner
Author and radio personality David W Berner reviews Shirley Melis's book Banged Up Heart and shares his thoughts with readers at The Constant Story. http://davidwberner.blogspot.com/
*****BOOK GIVEAWAY*****
Enter to win a copy of Banged-Up Heart: Dancing with Love and Loss by Shirley Melis! Just fill out the Rafflecopter form below. We will announce the winner in the Rafflecopter widget next Monday, February 20th.
As a mom, I’ve been bombarded with advice and commentary from well-meaning friends, family, and strangers. After baby number two was born, I started hearing “you’ve got your hands full” and now with four children, I hear that line more often. There’s also the occasional “you know you’re going to spoil that baby,” “crying is good for her,” “she has to learn sometime,” and “if you didn’t carry her all the time, she’d sleep through the night.” I can’t think of another time in life when advice and commentary is so abundant. Parenting is a tough job, and I’ve come to realize that those commenting are well meaning. Those comments however do not fit in the category of warm and fuzzy, especially when you are sleep deprived and feeling inadequate. The takeaway from these experiences has left me with a lesson I hope to remember as I age out of the new mom phase of life. That lesson is: Encouragement Never Goes out of Style.
Breccan
Twenty years from now, I will forget about the extra laundry, the spit up in my hair, the frustration with breast feeding, and the overwhelming self-doubt. I will hopefully look at a new mom and tell her how great she looks instead of commenting about how full her hands are or how much time she hasn’t got. When I am invited to visit a new mom, I will call ahead offering to bring drugstore and grocery items so she doesn’t have to leave home (or get out of her bathrobe). When I arrive, I will bear meals ready to pop in the oven and instead of offering to hold the new baby, I will fold laundry, empty the dishwasher, and vacuum. I’ll assure her about baby’s weight, compliment her on what a great job she is doing, and not once will I contradict her parenting style.
I have chosen to raise my family using ‘Attachment Parenting’ methods, but I do not think the other methods are wrong or other mothers are making mistakes. I have chosen a parenting style that works best with our family. I babywear, cloth diaper, and don’t use formula. This doesn’t make me right and you wrong. I don’t want to hear how carrying my baby is going to spoil her. She doesn’t always smell magical, but she’s never smelled like that Tupperware container of molding broccoli…now that broccoli…that’s spoiled! My baby is not.
Andre with Crystal
If I want to strike up a conversation with a new mother, I will ask how old her baby is instead of if he or she sleeps through the night (because if you don’t know…most of us are up every hour or two and when you ask if our littles are sleeping through the night we basically want to kick you in the knee caps because you have just implied we must be doing something wrong because we are just thankful when they sleep long enough to let us shower and shave a partial leg). I will tell her how cute her baby is or I’ll offer to carry something for her instead of stating “You’ve got your hands full.”
I can’t change the well-meaning comments that sometimes cut like a dagger. For now I just smile
Carmen
politely. These sleep deprived, showerless days are really just a small part of life as we know it. They’ll be behind us soon enough. We will remember the giggles, the chubby baby thighs, and friends who dropped by with coffee and kind words. We won’t remember the frustration, self-doubt, or the 3am feedings that left us too exhausted to find matching socks. Hopefully we will remember how it felt to be encouraged by friends, family and strangers and we will pass along that warm fuzzy feeling instead of the advice and commentary.
Thanks for listening, but now it’s your turn! What is the nicest thing someone did for you when you were a new parent? What are some ideas you can pass along to those of us hoping to visit a new parent? AND/OR What is the oddest thing someone said to you about your parenting?
Crystal is a church musician, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Reedsville, Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 7, Andre 6, Breccan 16 months, and Delphine 1 month), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, and over 200 Holsteins. You can find Crystal blogging and reviewing books and all sorts of other stuff at: http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
Special thanks for Olivia Brey of Oh! Photography for the great photos you see above as well as for her friendship, special delivery coffee, and warm meals that have warmed the heart of this entire family!
First, a note. This is not the blog post I had planned to write. It was inspired by Margo’s post, Book Birthdays, Sick Kids, and Selling the House. She asked what we do when we feel overwhelmed by our good fortune. How do you cope when there is just too much going on in our personal lives and our writing careers?
Here is what works for me:
Admit you are overwhelmed. Good things, bad things, it doesn’t matter. Stress is stress and writing moms can only handle so much. Let your partner know that you are at your wits end. Seriously. My husband will pitch in and take over any number of tasks – if I ask. Otherwise, he buys into my Superwoman routine and assumes I’m coping just fine. Spot someone who will help, give them something to do, and . . .
Let them do it. This means not micromanaging or insisting that something be done your way. When I’m up against a deadline, my fifteen-year-old will make dinner. I taught him to cook about five years ago and at fifteen I’ll let him take charge. He’s baked Christmas cookies, made pasta for lunch and even brings me chocolate when things get intense. Whether the task at hand is decorating for your book launch or putting a meal on the table, let someone else do what they can.
Turn the electronics off. Between our computers, tablets and I-phones it is way too easy to be connected 24/7. For this reason, I don’t have an I-phone. I don’t do e-mail on Sundays. And when I go out of town? Yep, I’m gone. The lake we visit in Southern Missouri has truly wonky connectivity. In the winter, you can get a cell phone signal anywhere in the lodge and at our cabin. When the trees are leafed out, you can still sometimes get service at the lake. At the lodge, you have to stand on the roof of an SUV or pick-up or stand in one square foot space in the parking lot. When I’m on vacation, I’m truly out of touch. Three days without e-mail can be a glorious thing.
Good time, bad times. They can both be stressful. When it happens, ask for help, accept help and periodically disconnect to recharge. What you do to recharge will depend on you. I read and knit and walk, walk, walk. What do you do to recharge?
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Take a walk in the woods
