Daydreaming will one day kill me. Literally. The part of the brain that engages with daydreams will one day be gobbled up by the Neurological disease chomping its way through the grey matter housed in my skull.
To me, writing is simply daydreaming on a page- it brings me joy. I know I am not the most talented writer--I will never write a great literary work, but I am disciplined. I write every morning. I hold myself accountable. I love that I have the time to leave behind my thoughts.
It’s like being an intentional ghost. I’m planning to haunt those I love with the words I leave behind.
I write down (using my Assistive Technology) all the thoughts that will live on when I am no longer here and that ability to still be able to communicate is a blessing. A huge blessing. One I will never take for granted. That’s why I turn up every morning to face the page. That’s why I keep ploughing through a novel that only my family may read. I don’t take my words for granted because I know they will one day simply disappear.
I love that I get to be me, present myself on the page because I live in a world that now sees me first and foremost as a disabled person. I love that so many in the writing community have made space for me to share my thoughts. I love that I have found a writing family.
Our words have power, if only just for ourselves as the process of getting our thoughts out from us and into the world heals parts of our heats we may not have acknowledged were fractured. There is power in letting these words free. But there is always the potential that our words will have power on those around us, and in this digital age we never know who will stumble across them. For me, I live knowing my time is limited, so my words are like a bay leaf that I hope will leave a taste long after I am removed.
Write what you love. Write what makes you smile. Write even when you are told you can’t. Publication is only part of the journey. Every time each of us share our work, be it in a blog post, a writing competition, a lit mag or a podcast episode, we hand parts of our heart for other to share.
Writing gave me back my voice--and the chance to haunt those I will leave behind. It could do the same for you. Free your ghosts, let them dance on the page. Don’t lock them away.
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Would you like to participate in Friday "Speak Out!"? Email your short posts (under 500 words) about women and writing to: marcia[at]wow-womenonwriting[dot]com for consideration. We look forward to hearing from you!
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7 comments:
Great post about writing for joy. I am too a disabled writer and love it as well. There are times I write for pay but I truly love it and know that I will write until my hands fall off! LOL! Thank you for reminding me how much I love my profession and how grateful to be doing this kind of work. Write on!
Your post reminds me of Jane Yolen's inspirational book about writing - Take Joy. There are days we all need to be reminded to seek the joy in what we are doing.
What a beautiful post Carrie. I'm glad writing gave you both joy and your voice back.
Carrie--Today I read most of your blog posts. You have a gift. You make serious points, but there are bits of humor underneath.
Thanks for this post. Keep writing and living life as fully as you can.
In the interests of disclosure:
https://www.vice.com/en/article/m7gn9q/carrie-jade-williams-tiktok-samantha-cookes
"Everything seemed to be going so well for Williams. Despite challenging circumstances, she was flourishing as a writer and creator. Friends said she was a “lovely person,” an inspirational figure living with Huntington’s Disease.
Except that Carrie Jade Williams does not exist."
[...]
Samantha Cookes - for this is the person behind the Carrie-Jade Williams persona supposedly writing this blog - doesn’t have Huntington’s, but she most evidently has a mental disorder… and for that we should try not to judge her as harshly as we might.
Her true identity is now filtering through to a wider public via the podcast mentioned in a previous post, and it makes for an unsettling listen.
I hope all the families who suffered by misplacing their trust in her are able to heal given time; and equally I hope (though without much conviction) that Samantha Cookes can gain the strength and the insight to turn her life around - for the sake of her two children if nothing else.
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