Showing posts with label funny story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny story. Show all posts

Is Bigger Better?

Saturday, December 01, 2018
Ultimately, my question is this: Is bigger better? In context, I'm really thinking about word count for a novel. This post comes at the perfect time as we just wrapped up NaNoWriMo yesterday. I'll be honest, I fell short...but don't worry, I'm going to keep writing even though it's no longer November. Who decides the perfect length of a novel anyway? It bigger better? Is there a place for short stories?

As you ponder some of those questions, I want to tell you about Tom the Turkey who inspired today's post. I committed to purchasing a farm fresh turkey from a friend. We made the verbal arrangement in the spring when neither of us knew how much Tom the turkey was going to weigh or how much the local butcher was going to charge to do all the stuff that needs to be done between farm and freezer (I'll spare you the details). 2 weeks before Thanksgiving she text me the news:

Turkeys are freezing right now...my main man Tom was 40lbs...we are doing $3/lb - should I drop him off Friday with your eggs?
Young Tom


I was super happy she hadn't called me. I think it took a few moments for me to catch my breath. I
hadn't intended on spending $120.00 on just the turkey for Thanksgiving and I couldn't even wrap my head around how big a 40lb turkey was going to be. All I was thinking was "where will I get the money?" mixed with "I think our 5 year old weighs about that much...I know for sure the 2 youngest girls weigh less than that" and a few cuss words.

I text back that I'd have the money ready and she could drop him off with the eggs. Then I headed down to the barn to freak the freak out with my husband.

When she dropped Tom off, I had to have hubby help maneuver him into the freezer. It was at that moment I realized the Tom the Turkey stress had only just begun. Here's a few things I learned:

1) You have to start thawing a 40lb turkey 10-11 days before Thanksgiving (hopefully you have a spare refrigerator because a 40lb turkey will take up most of your fridge)

2) Your average Nesco or traditional roasting pan will accommodate a 20lb turkey at best

3) A pan large enough for a 40lb turkey weighs nearly 20lbs

4) If you cook a 40lb turkey, it's recommended to cook it breast down to keep it moist, but this doesn't give the desired "picture perfect" turkey as the end result
Not a Knight in Shining Armor - Just a Turkey in Tinfoil!

4) If you wrap your 40lb turkey in tin foil it will take an entire roll

5) If you bake a 40lb turkey at 350F you'll want to start right cooking it 12-14 hours before you plan on service it

6) If you bake a 40lb turkey in a 20lb pan and add enough water to keep it moist, you'll need help getting everything into the oven, so don't preheat the oven

7) If you bake a 40lb turkey in a 20lb pan and add enough water to keep it moist and make gravy, you'll need help getting the pan out of the oven and that bugger is gonna be hot hot hot, so make sure your muscle bound friend or lover is available

8) If you bake a 40lb turkey in your oven, you'll have to think of alternative places to cook the rest of the holiday fixings, and if you opt for devices like Instant Pots, roasters, crock pots, etc... you may want to make sure you don't blow a fuse

Now - the lesson of Tom the Turkey has me thinking that bigger may not necessarily be better. But...as stories go, this is going to be a good one and my children will tell their children and Tom the Turkey will be infamous with our family, so maybe bigger is better? He was delicious by the way, and all the trouble was worth it! (Although - next year I'll be purchasing a 19lb Butterball turkey from the local grocery store)


Hopefully you've had a little chuckle for the day. Here comes the Q&A section of today's post:

-Would you rather read a longer book or a shorter one?

-Do you like any particular series of shorter books? Which ones and why?

-How did you do with this years NaNoWriMo? Did you hit your 50,000 words?

-Do you have a favorite book that is really quite long but still well done? Spill it - which book and why?

-What's a fun Thanksgiving story in your family? Do you have your own "Tom the Turkey" tale?


Thanks for being here today - ya'all are great! Winter is setting in the corner of my little cornfield (and the corn is in the silo) and I'm thankful for so much - including the opportunity to write and promote books with WOW!

xoxoxo
~Crystal
Crystal is a secretary, council secretary, and musician at her church, birth mother, babywearing cloth diapering mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband and their five youngest children (Carmen 11, Andre 10, Breccan 5, Delphine 3, and baby Eudora who somehow turned 1 a few weeks ago), two dogs, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff here, and at her personal blog - Crystal is dedicated to turning life's lemons into lemonade!
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Book Review – The Opposite of Everything by David Kalish

Wednesday, March 12, 2014
I remember my topsy-turvy life after my husband broke the news he didn’t love me anymore. I couldn’t remember exactly when things started going wrong and I was plagued with questions and an overwhelming sense of confusion and frustration. I started retracing my steps in hope of finding myself again. I felt like a fragile figurine from the gift shop and I kept thinking “why didn’t you just leave me where you found me since you didn’t want me anyway?” I took myself back to a time and place of safety…I went back to the friends I had ten years prior in hopes of doing it all again and getting it right. Until I read The Opposite of Everything by David Kalish I didn’t realize just how funny that type of re-creation could be! I was immediately drawn to The Opposite of Everything and felt kindred with main character Brooklyn Journalist, Daniel Plotnik and his humorous approach to a difficult situation.

Of course, I don’t claim a divorce is as traumatic or life-altering as a health crisis, and yet an emotional crisis certainly feels just as real. I love the laughter in the face of tragedy approach Kalish’s character takes to aid in his resurrection after disease, divorce, and a tumultuous relationship with his father. The thought of new beginnings, choosing a different path, and a better ending appeals to many of us, and Kalish does a fabulous job of making this journey entertaining and downright hysterical!

Believe it or not, Plotnick’s own father pushes him off the George Washington Bridge and instead of sulking, Plotnick devises a plan to turn life around by doing the opposite of everything he had done before. This first novel by David Kalish is humorous, real, and a story you’ll want to share with friends. The Opposite of Everything was named a finalist in the Somerset Fiction Awards and will quickly climb the best seller lists. Get your copy today and enjoy every twist, turn, and laugh! Congratulations to Kalish on a fabulous book – definitely 5 stars from this reader whose only regret is not meeting character Daniel Plotnik in the real world – he is a character I’d love to have coffee with!

Book Details:
Amazon Link
Length: 191 pages
Publisher: WiDo Publishing (February 17, 2014)
ASIN: B00IIUUSKG
ISBN-10: 1937178439
ISBN-13: 978-1937178437

Author Details:
David’s website: www.davidkalishwriting.com
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7171274.David_Kalish
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/dekalish

David Kalish will be touring with WOW! beginning April 21st to help promote The Opposite of Everything, find upcoming dates on our Events Calendar. Keep up with blog stops and giveaways in real time by following us on Twitter @WOWBlogTour.

Get Involved! If you have a website or blog and would like to host David Kalish or one of our other touring authors or schedule a tour of your own, please email us at blogtour@wow-womenonwriting.com.

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Crystal is a church musician, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Reedsville, Wisconsin with her husband, three young children (Carmen 7, Andre 5, Breccan nearly 6 months), three dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, and over 200 Holsteins. You can find Crystal blogging and reviewing books and all sorts of other stuff at: http://bringonlemons.blogspot.com/
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