WOW! Women On Writing Blog: for the love of writing

Friday, November 18, 2016

by Jeanine DeHoney

Just when I was having one of those days when I was saying my husband didn't get me as a writer, you know, how he doesn't understand how it’s possible to sit in front of a computer for an hour and have one paragraph to show for it, he comes out with the most amazing, insightful words that make me fall in love with him all over again.

Let me explain. Lately it seems as if I haven't been enjoying writing as much as I used to. Sometimes I outright dreaded opening my eyes in the morning to see a dark computer screen waiting for me, sometimes seemingly taunting me knowing I had a laborious feat ahead.

I felt like I was writing on the edge all the time, ready to fall into an abyss that threatened to steal my passion and joy as a writer. Even when my words weren't playing a game of hide and go seek, when I was busy- recycling old stories, creating new stories, writing queries, editing my novel in progress -my mind wasn't connecting to my heart. I didn't love what I was doing.

I was concerned more about the end result than the process even as I wrote. I rushed to finish stories to produce quantity instead of taking my time, writing as if I was sipping a cup of tea on some Southern porch taking in the sights, sounds, and smells around me so it could add another layer to my stories. I wanted to relish in the sweet taste of being salable and successful as an author so I wrote with that in mind and it chipped away at my passion.

When I voiced my feelings about this uncomfortable place I was in with my writing to my husband one evening, his words suddenly shifted me, probably because this was the season I needed to hear them.

“You have to stop writing from that place of anxiousness,” he said. “You always used to complain about not having the time to write, now that you do, write because you love writing and tell the stories you want to tell.”

He was so right. Even though it hadn't come as I expected it would come, I got a chance to write full time. But through the years, especially of lately, there were loose threads I unintentionally kept tugging at that began to unravel the passion and love I had for my muse. The only way it could be mended, stitched together to close the looming hole threatening to ruin my garment, was to rekindle the tinder, find that spark I once had and relight it.

Relighting that spark meant writing with a renewed voice those stories I yearned to write, stories about the dynamics of families as I sifted through the beauty and the ashes of my own. It meant writing fearlessly, without the need to conform and write stories that were deemed more marketable, but ones that didn't show the depth of who I or my characters were. It meant having faith as small as a mustard seed and a belief that when I did what I loved, all of my cards would align perfectly and success as I knew it, which wasn't in monetary terms but in how it inspired others,would follow.

At a time when our country is so openly divided, when children are crying wondering about their future, we all should be an example of living a life doing what we love so our inner light won't dim.

Our world could use more love; love of self, love of our neighbors and love of our muse especially as writers whose distinctive voices can fill the crevices of a hurting world and spread healing. So today I choose to fall in love with writing again. And I thank my husband for showing me the way.

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Jeanine DeHoney, wife, mom and grandmother "extraordinaire" has had her writing published in several anthologies, magazines and blogs including "Chicken Soup for the African American Woman’s Soul," The Mom Egg, Literary Mama, Mused Bella online, Writing For Dollars, True Stories Well Told, Underwater New York, Mutha Magazine, Metro Fiction, My Brown Baby and ScaryMommy.com. She was a 2013 finalist in the Brooklyn Art and Film Festivals Nonfiction Contest and the winner of that contest in 2014.
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Would you like to participate in Friday "Speak Out!"? Email your short posts (under 500 words) about women and writing to: marcia[at]wow-womenonwriting[dot]com for consideration. We look forward to hearing from you!
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6 comments for the love of writing, Friday Speak Out, Jeanine DeHoney, love, writer inspiration

Writing Chose Me

Saturday, June 08, 2013

by Crystal J. Casavant-Otto

I didn’t choose writing. Writing chose me. I didn’t understand this fully until I talked to a handsome farmer. I live in Wisconsin and in addition to being a writer, wife, and mother, I am a dairy farmer. Since we own a family farm I am aware of the mentality “why should we help support the farmers? and “they knew what they were getting into when they chose that job. This really made me think.

As a junior in high school, I sat down with a career catalog from the local college. I chose a major of accounting because I liked numbers, scored well in my classes, and I liked the starting salary Had my husband done something similar? Did he read about the danger of climbing a silo, the endless hours, the possibility of a complete loss from drought, and then decide the meager salary made it all worthwhile? Did he somehow miscalculated and not realized he would be working for less than three dollars an hour with absolutely no chance for a vacation?

I poured two cups of coffee and headed out to the barn. My husband was just hooking up the mixer to the tractor. He was tired and dirty. It was only mid-afternoon and he had already delivered two calves, milked 97 cows, bedded heifers, called the mink ranch to pick up an animal that was diagnosed with cancer, and here he was smiling and waving at me as I approached with a cup of coffee. That smile grew when I asked if I could hop on the tractor fender and ride along. As we bounced down the driveway side by side, I asked him when and why he decided to be a dairy farmer. He looked at me and his eyes lit up. He explained that farming chose him when he was about four. He had some die-cast tractors and his heart knew the only place he would ever be happy was on a farm.

I must have looked confused with his answer. He kissed my forehead and reminded me that farming is something you do because of passion and love. I nodded unconvincingly because I still didn’t really understand. I sat on the tractor while he hopped off to fill the mixer. When he came back and sat down next to me, he explained it in a way that finally made sense. “You don’t write because the annual salary is going to buy you a bigger house or a faster car, do you? You didn’t have children because they could provide you with a large bank account or secure retirement did you?” I wrinkled my nose – he knew the answers to these questions. That’s when we burst out laughing. We had followed our hearts. This life we have isn’t about fortune or fame and it has nothing to do with course catalogs, annual salaries, or retirement plans. This life is about passion and love. He didn’t choose farming, farming chose him and in the same way, writing chose me.

When did you writing choose you? Do you have friends and family that just don’t understand? Share your comments and stories below – we really love to hear from readers!

Crystal J. Casavant-Otto is a church musician, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Reedsville, Wisconsin with her husband, two young children (Carmen 6 and Andre 5), three dogs,two rabbits, and over 200 Holsteins. Crystal is expecting another child at the end of September.