First Person Present: Yay! Or Nay?

I’m a big fan of mysteries, and I especially love mysteries with an historical bent where I can learn a little something something. One of my favorite periods is Victorian England so I was beside myself when a creepy mystery with a female protagonist popped up in my search. Until I started reading it.

I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at first; I just knew that it seemed a tedious read. I even re-read the first page, trying to figure out why I was so uncomfortable. And then I realized it was all about the first. That is, it was written in first person (which I love) present tense (which apparently I don’t love so much). 

In general, when we write in first person, our go-to tense is past. Those of us of a certain age probably don’t even think about it; first person past is what comes naturally. Honestly, I’d have to really think about first person present to write in it. Here, let me give you an example: 

First Person, Past: 

It was a dark and stormy night and the rain and wind battered the casement windows at Hall Manor.

“Darling,” said my paramour, the Count of Chocula, “come sit beside me and let the fire warm you.” 

He knew that I would continue to search the grounds; I was obsessed. 

First Person, Present (in which I spent fifteen minutes, rewriting this simple passage): 

It’s a dark and stormy night and the rain and wind batters the casement windows at Hall Manor. I stand near the window, searching the grounds. 

“Darling,” says my paramour, the Count of Chocula, “come sit beside me and let the fire warm you.” 

“I cannot,” I say, turning to him only for a moment. “You know of my obsession.” 

 Now, I understand that first person present is all about immediacy, and it may be true that it ramps up that element, especially in a suspense novel or mystery. But holy moley, the constant “says”—because there’s typically a lot of dialogue in this choice—were so annoying. In first person past, we use said, but you’ve probably heard a million times that a reader doesn’t notice “said.” It’s only when it’s a different verb, like “yelled” or “remonstrated,” that we pause. And “says” made me pause over and over again.

Which brings me back to the point about the tedious read, with me stopping and going, feeling like something about the words was just not quite right. 

I continued to read this particular novel, in spite of the style choice, because all the information surrounding the plot was fascinating! But despite my love of the Victorian time period, I don’t think I’ll be reading more in this series; it was just too much of a slog for me. This, despite the fact that it was a very well-written first person present novel. 

Which brings me to the next point, that if you’re going to write in first person present, there is absolutely no room for mistakes. One must be ever vigilant to stay in the present tense! And, too, finding ways to get around tiring the reader. But I wondered, after I’d finally finished the book, is this just me being out of touch with what’s a cool and hip writing choice of the masses? So I did a little research. 

Turns out, it kinda is me being an old fuddy duddy. It’s not uncommon to find YA written in first person present because that appeals to the YA demographic. I guess teens used to texting and tweeting and such basically live in the immediacy of first person present. And it’s not just a choice for YA authors but also authors writing thrillers and—like the novel I read—mysteries and suspense with an eye to attracting both the Millennials and Gen X audience. 

So fine. I guess I’ll stay in my nice and comfortable first person past tense, maybe take up writing for the Boomers. But I am curious about you, dear writers. What do you think about first person present? Do you love it? Or avoid it? Inquiring writers want to know!

~Cathy C. Hall

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5 comments Cathy C. Hall, first person, mystery, present tense, suspense, thrillers, writing style, YA

Fixing Problems With Third-Person Limited POV

When it's my turn on The Muffin to blog, sometimes, I like to share recent conversations I've had with my novel writing students because I think we can all learn from them. In this most recent one, I think I learned just as much as my student. Here's what happened.

My student is writing an excellent novel with four points of view. In each section, she is writing in third-person limited, so the narration is supposed to be coming from the point of view character of that section. I noticed in this student's chapter last week that this point of view character was sounding more like an omniscient narrator. When I was reading, I felt like I was reading the novel's events like someone was telling me the story while sitting on a cloud and looking down on the earth. In actuality, the events in this section were very upsetting for the POV character. But I couldn't feel it. The writer was too involved in trying to get the plot down correctly, and she lost the voice and the character's feelings in the story during this section.

This happens to us/writers/me all the time. I mean, come on, writing a novel is not easy! And this student of mine has a very complex, interesting, and unique story. Plus, she is writing in four different points of view! So it's no wonder that some of her narration is a little off.

I told her that she needed to really pretend that she was that POV character and put herself in those events and write what this character would see if he was actually there. That's the key. Instead of worrying about making sure the plot is correct or you filled in the backstory or you remembered to have the character open the car door before he started driving the car, you have to get the events down through that point of view character's eyes and even more importantly, his or her heart! What is her body experiencing while these events are unfolding?

It's usually easier to write with emotion with first person. I don't notice this omniscient/loss of voice problem as much with first person narration as I do with third-person limited. So another thing writers can do if they are having this issue is write a section in first person, in the voice of the POV character just to get the events down and the emotions on the page, and then write the section in third-person limited for the novel.

If you are writing a novel in third person or using multiple viewpoints, are there some challenges you've come across that we can all learn from?

Margo L. Dill is a writing coach, editor, children's author, and instructor, living in St. Louis, MO. Her next novel writing class starts on Friday, April 6. To find out more information about Writing a Novel with a Writing Coach, please click here. 

photo by Robert Meeks on Flickr.com

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8 comments first person, Margo L. Dill, multiple p.o.v., novel writing, point of view, third person

Creating Narrative Distance in First-Person Stories

Have you ever had a work of fiction mistaken for autobiography?

This happened to me all the time in my early writing days because I often used a first-person narrator to write realistic, literary fiction, so my stories tended to sound like autobiography to my audience.

Is this a positive or a negative?

On the one hand, maybe I’m writing realistically enough to convince my audience to believe in the character and the story. They believe it so much that they believe it is fact, not fiction.

On the other hand, maybe I’m not making a clear enough separation from myself and the narrator, so my fiction comes across as sounding like loosely-veiled or straight autobiography.

The Writers Studio explains that creating distance between the writer and narrator “allows the writer to play and create. [...] Fiction is more interested in artistry and drama, and there is no artistry or drama if there is no freedom or distance to be irreverent, take chances with language or change the facts to create the most engaging story.”

So how can you create narrative distance using first-person narrative?

Using First-Person Narratives

Authors use first-person narration to build characters and create emotional closeness, but others believe it is too limiting. Therefore, the narrator’s perspective will depend on the characters and the story the author wants to tell.

As I have matured as a writer, I have learned that fiction writers should use first-person only sparingly, and perhaps this is to ensure narrative distance. Jonathan Franzen has suggested that writers use third person unless “a really distinctive first-person voice offers itself irresistibly.”

Some of the best first-person fictional narratives are stories that are NOT entirely about the narrator. A first-person narrator should tell someone else’s story. Think Scout Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird. Yes, the story’s told in her voice from her point of view, but the novel is not about Scout. It’s about Tom Robinson. It’s about race and class relations in the south.

Or think about detective novels written in first person. They’re told from the detective’s point-of-view, but they’re not about the detective – they’re about the crime and the criminals.

Using first-person narrative to tell someone else’s story or using it to give alternative points of view of an event or issue are ways to create that narrative distance when using first-person narrative.

Now I have to revisit my short story collection to see if my narration should have been in third person rather than first!

How do you create narrative distance in your first-person stories?

Written by Anne Greenawalt, writer and writing instructor

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4 comments Anne Greenawalt, first person, narrative distance

The Unreliable Narrator

For many writers, dialogue is a straightforward thing. One character says something, perhaps asking a question, and the other character responds, leading to another comment by the first character and so on.

I understand why they write like this because dialogue is much trickier if it isn’t straight forward. One character asks a question (Did you eat the last piece of cake?) and the other character:

Lies. No. Zoey did it.

Asks another question. There was cake?

Answers with an apparent non sequitur that is somehow revealing. I don’t even like chocolate.

This type of dialogue is crucial if you are writing a story with an unreliable narrator. In a limited third person point-of-view, you can create an unreliable narrator by giving us a character who lies and never letting us in on his thoughts.

In a first person novel, it gets much more difficult to accomplish, but David Levithan succeeds in Every You, Every Me (Alfred A. Knopf 2011). Levithan handles it by giving us an insecure character who can’t bear to think about what he has done and what it might all mean.

Because Evan is a tortured soul, he waffles back and forth about exactly what happened. In one line of text he reveals what he is really thinking, strikes it out, and tries again. Other times, he reveals more than he meant to let us know and then tries to take it back.  Here is an example:

“I only knew it was morning because I was so tired.
"I hadn’t really slept. I never really sleep anymore.”

Creating an unreliable first person narrator is a tricky balancing act. Reveal too much too early and you lose the tension that you need to build in your story. Lie and you risk losing the reader over this betrayal, unless you can create a narrator who isn’t even sure he can trust himself.

It’s a tricky task but one Levithan pulled offed in an amazing way. It won’t work with every story, but maybe you’re working on something that would benefit from an unreliable narrator. Do you think you’re up to crafting some tricky dialogue?

--SueBE

Read more of SueBE's posts at her blog, One Writer's Journey.

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5 comments dialogue, first person, lying to the reader, unreliable narrator

P.O.V.:The Magic of One, Two or Three

Three people. One event. Three points of view. All three vary because, face it, each person keys in on certain sensory details that stand out or appeal to them. Each person brings past experiences to the situation and formulates an opinion or perspective based on those elements.

The same principle surrounds point of view in storytelling. If you put insert-magical-number
characters in one scene, each views the action and reacts, based on individual instincts and quirks created by an author.

While some stories thrive from different points of view (and sometimes, alternating P.O.V. is a wonderfully successful plot device), many tales flounder because the writer hasn't investigated which perspective best fits or advances the storytelling.

Is there a magical formula that helps writers determine which point of view is best?

No.

But distinct advantages and disadvantages of first, second and third person storytelling do exist. Let's take a look at each viewpoint and weigh the pros and cons.

First Person: The I, me, my, we narrator. It's the participant viewpoint, although the narrative doesn't have to be from a major character.

Why It Works

• It's natural. It's how we converse.
• It focuses on the narrator's perspective.
• It establishes a distinct internal voice, especially with main characters.

How It Causes Problems

• It only tells one point of view.
• It doesn't show what other characters think or feel.
• It forces the narrator to always be present.

Second Person: The you narrator. Honestly, it seldom works. In my editing experience, I've never read a story told from this P.O.V. that didn't fall flat. That's not to say it won't work, but it's complicated.

Why It Works

• It's different. When the storytelling is spot on, it builds rapport with the reader.

How It Causes Problems

• It fails to establish a rhythm. And sometimes, it ends up sounding like a cluster of imperative sentences. Who wants to feel like they're being told what to do or believe?

Third Person: The she, he, they narrator. The most commonly used point of view, third person works so well because it feels like the reader and narrator share secrets. Readers become privy to information that the clueless characters don't understand. Now, you'll need to determine if an unlimited or limited presence works best.

Unlimited Omniscience uses any character to convey the story.

Why It Works

• It lets multiple characters tell the story.
• It keeps readers interested.
• It (usually) hastens the pace of the story.

How It Causes Problems

• It can be confusing to the reader, especially if too many characters are involved in telling the story.
• It can reduce the rhythm of prose.

Limited Omniscience shows the thoughts of only a few characters, and most often, one character's thoughts equal a single scene or chapter.

Why It Works

• It allows several characters to tell the story.
• It keeps readers interested.
• It picks up the pace.
• It lets the writer focus on one or two characters and delve into their motivation.

How It Causes Problems

• It eliminates problems of using unlimited omniscience for writers.

No matter what story a writer is telling, it's important that the point of view is consistent. Too many voices, too many shifts in thought, too many disadvantages = a piece of writing that's dead on paper.

P.O.V. is about the eye, not the I. And that's the magic of one, two or three.

by LuAnn Schindler. LuAnn is a freelance writer and columnist. Read more of her work at http://luannschindler.com/.

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4 comments creating rhythm, first person, LuAnn Schindler, narrator, point of view, POV, second person, storytelling, third person

What About P.O.V.?

At my critique group on Tuesday night, we had a discussion on the elusive P.O.V. (Point Of View). One of the members of my group is writing a delightful children's fantasy story with two main characters--sisters--and a purple cat. She jumps in and out of the heads of all the main characters, especially the two sisters. Several of my critique group members said they were confused and asked, "Whose head are we in? Who is the main character?"


I had had the same reaction when I read the story, but I was thinking of a solution. What about omniscient p.o.v.? Wouldn't that solve her problem? She needs both the sisters in the story, and each of them knows certain parts. It wouldn't work to pick one sister to tell the story.


But my suggestion brought new questions for us. What is the difference between omniscient p.o.v. and third person? What makes it omniscient instead of head jumping? Many editors and agents complain that some newbie writers head jump between characters, and this is sloppy and confusing writing.


I suggested she check out The Series of Unfortunate Events as I was pretty sure that was an omniscient p.o.v. A narrator tells the story and knows what is going on inside all the character's heads. In fact, this narrator often stops and addresses the reader, telling us not to read on if we want to read a happy tale or helping us with vocabulary in the story. Everyone in my group agreed that this series was a good example for her to read, but I still wanted to clear up these questions for myself.


Then my ByLine (http://www.bylinemag.com/) magazine came in the mail, and it had a whole article on point of view written by Marion Tickner, a children's writer. She explained the difference between third person, omniscient, and multiple points of view. Third person is a lot like first person as the story is told through one character's eyes. Third person names the character and uses the pronouns he or she instead of I, like in first person. A common example of third person books would be the Harry Potter series.


Omniscient is when the person/author telling the story is god-like because this person knows EVERYTHING. This narrator will know information the main characters do not know and has a voice of his/her own. The narrator is like an unnamed character, telling the story to the readers.


Multiple p.o.v. is when more than one character is telling his or her story. This is often done in books by chapters. One chapter is the story of Character A through his eyes. The next chapter is the story told through Character B's eyes, and so on. I just read a great book with multiple points of view--The Virgin Blue by Tracy Chevalier. This is an excellent example, and I highly recommend it!

So, what will I tell my fellow critique group member the next time we meet? I might suggest she try writing the story with multiple and omniscient points of view and see which one works best for her story.

Which point of view do you like to write in?
Happy writing!
Margo Dill
www.margodill.com

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1 comment ByLine magazine, first person, Margo Dill, multiple p.o.v., omniscient, point of view, third person