Recently one of the Muffin writers wrote about her fear of failure. After reading Beth’s post, I wondered. Are we afraid of failure? Or sometimes, is it a fear of success that paralyzes us?
For me, I know it's often a fear of success that keeps me from moving forward on a project. Fear of failure? I don't think so. Why? I teach kids who are 13-15. They're hardly ever equipped with a filter on their mouths.
I've seen my name scratched into bathroom stall walls (such as comparing me to a female canine), so the idea of getting a "no" or a nasty letter from an editor doesn't scare me.
However, getting out of my rut does.
Wondering if my "fear of success" theory about myself was completely whackadoodle, I read an article. I realize that I am scared of succeeding, and this might be why:
1) fear of becoming someone else
I get it. With success, a writer is sometimes transformed into somebody else. Their head grows. They puff up with clouds of self-importance. They become too superior to deal with those poor pathetic writers who haven't made it yet.
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However, I have writer friends who have gotten books published. Lisa Ricard Claro. Cathy C. Hall. Sean McLachlan. Margo Dill. Sue Bradford Edwards. Pat Wahler. None of them (I don't think) are flouncing around in a feather boa and a tiara and charging for autographs. (Sorry, Sean.)
That’s not it.
2) fear of selling out
Some writers think that "selling out" means self-publishing. Other authors consider the compromises that (I guess) must be made when getting a book published in the "traditional" way as a threat to the writer's artistic integrity.
In my opinion, any way you can get your work out there is fabulous, so I don't think this is why fear of success puts me in a state of paralysis.
3) fear of not being able to cope with success
Ding ding ding. We have a winner. I know what my rut is like because I've been stuck in it for decades. I write for the same markets. I submit. I get more rejections than acceptances. I do occasional author events/book signings. It's a life I'm comfortable with.
However, if I put the finishing touches on my manuscript and wrote a decent query and submitted it and snagged some interest and ended up getting it published? Whew. That kind of success would throw me into unknown territory. What kind of expectations would be heaped onto my back? What new pressures would I have to contend with? That level of success would necessitate me becoming a marketing machine... which I've never thought I'd be good at. More spotlights would be shining on me, which would (hopefully) mean reviews (and hopefully some of them would be positive).
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I get it. Failure and rejection are hard to take but I have age on my side. You get to a certain stage of life and it often equates into a I-don't-care attitude. My day job also helped me build a suit of sturdy armor.
No, for me it's fear of success. And hopefully I can soon succeed in overcoming that fear...
How about you? Are you scared of success? Or is it failure that has you fearful?
Sioux Roslawski is afraid of success, but she's trying to overcome it. During the day she works with middle-schoolers who really are polite but also quite honest, resulting in much laughter and much good-intentioned back-and-forth ribbing. If you'd like to read more of her writing or you'd like to cheer her along, please check out her blog.
