Showing posts with label coping with rejection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coping with rejection. Show all posts

Ask the Book Doctor: Advice for Writers Who Couldn't Sell Their First Book

Saturday, November 23, 2024
 

by Bobbie Christmas
 
Q: I have several acquaintances who have given up writing because they could not sell their first book or two. One is a woman who wrote two excellent stories, so it is really a shame. I do not know what to tell them. Any advice?
 
A: If only we could sell the first book we write! Talk to many published authors, and most will tell you their first book turned out to be practice, but a future book finally got accepted. Some authors were able to sell their first or second book, but often only after selling their third, fourth, or fifth book and then going back to sell the first, once the authors had a following.
 
If writers wrote only for the purpose of selling books, few books would be written, because a dismal percentage of books get sold to publishers, and self-published books rarely sell more than a few hundred copies.
 
What advice would I have for writers who stop writing because they didn’t sell their first or second story? None. Anyone who quits writing because of a little rejection is not a writer at heart. True writers write because they have a passion. They have stories, information, or opinions they feel compelled to put on paper. That’s what passion is about.
 
Look at Olympic athletes. They had a passion for their sport. They didn’t one day decide to high jump, practice for a few weeks, and then expect to be accepted into the Olympics. No, they spent years learning, practicing, competing, and honing their skills. Writers—serious ones—do the same. We write for years. We learn, practice, and produce multiple stories, articles, essays, or books. We may submit them and get rejections, yet we still write more. Writing isn’t an easy craft to conquer. It takes time, patience, knowledge, and dedication.
 
Like sports, success with writing takes a great deal of practice before reaching a level of proficiency. A strong story is a great start; following the tenets of good creative writing helps. Sometimes getting to know the right people helps too. Many writers have found success by attending conferences where they pitched their books to agents or publishers seeking new clients. Even combining our writing skills with perseverance and good marketing doesn’t guarantee success in sales. Luck also plays a part. In the interim writers must learn to brush off rejection and keep going.
 
Most writers have faced rejection. Those who were successful didn’t give up. I’ve been successful in selling enough of my writing to feel satisfied, but trust me, my works have been rejected more often than accepted. I recently recycled all the rejection letters I kept in a thick notebook. In this era when writers submit works through email and Submittable, most publishers and agents simply don’t respond at all, if they don’t accept a submission. Maybe no response is better than a rejection letter. At least we don’t end up with copious rejection letters to recycle.
 
Success? Maybe writers need to redefine the word. Simply having completed a writing project should be considered a success, because success can otherwise be temporary. I was successful in selling the first edition of Write In Style to a publisher. Ten years later I created an expanded and updated second edition, but by then my publisher had closed the imprint that bought the first edition. With much help from BookLogix, I self-published the second edition. Sales have been moderately successful, but nothing like the sales of the first edition, when my publisher distributed my book to bookstores and libraries across the country, a feat nearly impossible with self-published books.
 
I’ve written three more books that have received rejections, but I keep submitting them to agents and publishers, and I keep writing. I feel joy while writing. I lose all sense of time. The mere act of writing is my true success. I will keep writing as long as I am able, because I am a writer.
 
Writers write, which is the reason I can’t give advice to those who stop writing when they don’t meet with immediate success in selling their work.
 
I hope your friends don’t stop writing, though. Quitting is a foolproof way to fail.
 
***
 
Bobbie Christmas is a book editor, author of Write In Style: Use Your Computer to Improve Your Writing, and owner of Zebra Communications. She will answer your questions too. Send them to Bobbie@zebraeditor.com or BZebra@aol.com. Read Bobbie’s Zebra Communications blog at https://www.zebraeditor.com/blog/.
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3 Ways to Soften Rejection

Thursday, February 01, 2024

 



Last time I blogged here on the Muffin, I wrote about querying. In 2023, I made a push to get more of my work out into the world. I want to renew this goal for 2024, but the problem with querying more is that you get more rejections. 

Some rejections I shrug off. I may pop into my database and see how many more agents have my proposal or jot myself a note to send out another batch of queries. But this isn’t always the case. Some rejections flatten me. 

This week I was talking to one of the students. The fear of potential rejection stops her from polishing a piece to the point that she can send it out. We discussed some of the ways she can deal with rejection because rejections are part of life. 

At various points in my writing life, I’ve dealt with rejection in different ways. Here are three of them.

The Rejection Jar 

The rejection jar.
When I was a new writer, a friend and I each created a rejection jar. Mine was a pottery jar with dozens of slips of paper. Get a rejection, draw a slip of paper, and do what it says. A slip might say “go to a movie” or “visit a gallery.” 

This worked for a long time until I started writing regularly for one editor. I was submitting very little to anyone else, so I didn’t need my jar. 

Set a Goal 

When I started sending out my work again, I set a goal. Earn 5 rejection letters a month. Don’t ask. I don’t even remember where I heard of this. The idea is that each rejection is a step towards your goal. It isn’t a failure, it’s progress. 

And, again, it worked until I landed a cozy relationship with another editor who monopolized my writing time. I’m not complaining, but I wasn’t submitting to anyone else. There went that goal! 

Celebrating Rejection 

One bead per rejection.
At this point in my writing life, I work for one packager and one publisher on a regular basis. But I want an agent and I want to branch out. Thus, the submissions and the rejections. 

This time around my rejection solution came from Andrea Askowitz of Writing Class Radio. Episode 170 discusses how she has been rejected over 643 times. To mark these rejections, she drops a stone into a bowl in her backyard. When she sees the stones, she sees how much work she has put into publishing her writing. 

 The day I decided to do something similar St. Louis was iced in so I needed an indoor solution. I found a variety of beads the color of sea glass. Then I found a jar. I dropped in two beads for my two 2024 rejections. 

It was underwhelming. But wait! Askowitz didn’t start only with recent rejections. For years, I’ve kept a database of my submissions. I searched for the word rejection. 38. Subtract the two beads already in the jar and add 36 more. Hold on! Many publishers and agents say “no response means no.” I skimmed my submissions and found 52 silent rejections. That looked a lot better than 2 or even 38. 

My next thought surprised me. “I better get going so I can add to the jar.” The next morning, I queried two more agents. Tomorrow I’m querying a journal. 

There is no right answer for how to get yourself through rejection. There is only what works for you right now. Take a suggestion from another writer, maybe even from me, and then make it your own. 

How do you keep the blues at bay when you get a rejection? 

 --SueBE

Sue Bradford Edwards' is the author of 40 books for young readers.  
  • To find out more about her writing, visit her site and blog, One Writer's Journey.  
  • Click here to find her newsletter.
She is also the instructor for 3 WOW classes which begin again on February 5, 2024. 
She teaches:
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Ways to Make Rejections Easier on Yourself

Monday, September 05, 2022



Ah, rejection. It's the bane of the life of a writer and often what leads us to feel miserable about our writing future. However, I have a few techniques I use to make it easier for me to get rejected and move on from it. I hope by sharing it with you, the sting of rejection becomes less painful.

1. Keep tweaking and revising.

After a few handfuls of rejections, I'll usually go back to a story and look it over for any minor (and often major) tweaking that needs to happen. In fact, there have been times I realized I need to pull the story out of the submission process completely for an even bigger overhaul of changes. 

As a result, no matter how minor my changes are, I feel a greater sense of peace when my next rejection comes. I'll look at my submission sheet and realize that I had submitted the story before my latest changes. This enables me to say to myself, "Well, no surprise it got rejected. Those [fill in the blank of my edits] hadn't been made yet."

2. Use RejectionWiki.com to assess your rejection letter.

There's both good and bad to the Rejection Wiki site. If you've never heard of it, it's a collection of rejection letters that people have received from various literary magazines that show you tiers of rejection. A higher tier means you were that much closer to getting accepted, a lower tier means it's a more standard rejection letter that gets sent out. Check it out for yourself if you've recently been rejected.

So, while it helps to read this for any signs I've gotten a personalized rejection, it also reeks of my teenage years when I wanted to assess the nonverbal (or verbal or written) behaviors of some crush of mine to determine if he "liked" me or "like-liked" me. Even so, it can still be helpful to understand the nuances of a rejection.

3. Continue submitting.

I'm a huge fan of simultaneous submissions and often bypass any magazine that demands otherwise. Mostly, because there are so many opportunities out there, why limit my chances to one magazine? Luckily, each time I submit, I feel an even greater chance of getting accepted, especially if it's a new magazine for me.

When a rejection comes and I already have my story re-sent to somewhere new, the sting feels a bit less. I'm able to look ahead and feel hopeful that maybe my newest submission is the right one for my story.

4. Limit how much fees you pay.

I must say it feels downright awful to get an impersonalized rejection when I've paid a fee. However, I do understand not every magazine or contest can actually give me that kind of response. So, with that in mind, I limit how often I pay submission fees. I do appreciate the ones (like WOW!) that allow you to get feedback for a bit more than the original fee, and at times, have taken advantage of that in my submission process.

5. Accept it's part of the process.

I know, I know. It doesn't always help to hear this, but it's a truth: rejection happens to us all. Even the most famous writers (J.K. Rowling, Agatha Christie, Dr. Suess...and more!) faced rejection. In fact, go look up the reviews of any famous novel or novelist, and read some of the 1-star reviews. Why? Because there's plenty of them.

What this tells me is that we're either not where we need to be in our writing or we haven't found our audience yet that "gets" us. So, just know, if you are a writer, you will be rejected. But know, you're alone.

How do you handle rejections? 


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Psych 101: Rejection

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

About two weeks ago, I got two rejections in a single day. One was from a dream agent and it was a FORM rejection. But I was simply too busy to let it bother me. Whatever. Deadline dead ahead. 

Then a friend spoke about a similar pair of rejection that really shook her. She’s an amazing CNF writer and has had work in places I would never dream of approaching. But the rejections flattened her. 

Both of our responses made me wonder. Why do writers react to rejection the way we do? I turned to psychology for answers about how we react and what can be done about it. 

Why It Hurts 


For answers as to why rejection hurts, we need to look to the past. Early humans, without ferocious teeth or claws or the ability to run really fast, survived because they were part of a group of other humans. Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb explains that rejection was BAD and humans developed a response, for their own good, that made them want to avoid it. 

We are hardwired to react and to hate the way it feels. What about the variety of responses? 

How we as individuals react is rooted in infancy and the attachments we formed. Psychologist Leslie Becker-Phelps explained that people who had secure attachment styles grow up seeing ourselves as worthy. Those with an insecure attachment style are more . . . insecure. 

Not that this means you will never be impacted or that you will always be impacted. Because there are things you can do to help you deal with rejection. 


When Rejection Happens 


First things first, acknowledge what you are feeling. Go ahead and be angry, sad, bewildered, or shocked. Feel, observe and identify your feelings. This may take a day or two but that’s okay. 

Once you’ve identified your feelings, move into self-care. Psychologists warned that this doesn’t mean self-medicating with alcohol, chocolate, or other sweets. Empty calories are never a good long-term plan. 

Instead, do something that centers you. For some people this might involve running or meditation. Do things that make you feel calm and serene. I walk, do yoga, and knit. 

Moving Forward 


Once you’ve had time to process the feelings and are in a better space, take another look at your query, pitch or manuscript. Is it the best it could possibly be? Don’t just come back with “of course it is!” There’s bound to be one section that is especially strong. Now find the weakest section. What can you do to make it as good as your best section? 

Perhaps the work really is as strong as it can be. If so, make sure that the agents or publishers you targeted were the best possible fit. Look at other markets and see if you can find one that is similar but even better for your work. 

The Big Picture 

As you prepare yourself for the next round of submissions, consider why you are pursuing publication. What does it mean to you? Look at the amount of effort you’ve already put into it. Writing, rewriting, and completing a manuscript is a big deal. Not everyone can pull it off. But you’ve done it. 

In part, how we respond to rejection is hardwired. But we can work through it when it happens. And we can make sure our work is top notch and our markets are the best possible fit. Have your self-care routines in place and then hit send.

Acceptance or rejection, your fellow WOW writers will be gathered round when the responses come. And a caring community? A highly recommended way to stay centered. 

--SueBE

Sue Bradford Edwards' is the author of over 27 books for young readers.  To find out more about her writing, visit her site and blog, One Writer's Journey.


The next session of her new course, Pitching, Querying and Submitting Your Work will begin on July 5, 2021).  Coping with rejection is one of the topics she will cover in this course.
Sue is also the instructor for  Research: Prepping to Write Nonfiction for Children and Young Adults (next session begins July 5, 2021) and Writing Nonfiction for Children and Young Adults (next session begins  July 5, 2021). 

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5 Things to Help You Cope with Rejection

Saturday, February 13, 2021

Whether you are submitting your first manuscript or your thirteenth, on some days rejection is no big deal. You will have other opportunities. Perhaps the next person to read your manuscript will want to publish it or represent you. No matter. You get on with your day. 

But other days? On those days rejection makes you question why you keep putting yourself through this. Here are five things to help you lessen the sting. 

Set a Limit 

I’m not going to get into the psychology of rejection and why some rejections are worse than others. But if this one rocks you back, take some time to feel the agony. No really. Stomp around the house. Gripe at the cat. Whatever it takes, but go into it knowing just how long you are going to give yourself. One writing friend set a two day limit on being a grump. After that, it was time to get back to work. Me? I’m willing to give myself one grumpy evening to play video games, put Bailey’s in my coffee, and fuss. But a new day means it is time to get on with being a writer or go find another job. Since I don’t want to do that, I get back to writing. 


Call the Girls 

All writers need a support network. When a rejection hits me especially hard, I contact either a librarian friend or one of the ladies in my critique group. They’ve all submitted their work and faced rejection letters. Even when my husband doesn’t understand why I’m upset, my fellow writers get it. 


Multiple Markets 

When I research potential markets for a piece, I make a list. That way when I get a rejection I know where it is going to go next. It isn’t like this no came from the one and only place I had planned to send the manuscript. 


Multiple Projects 

In addition to multiple markets for each manuscript, it also pays to have several pieces I’m shopping around. That way when I get a rejection on one, or heaven forbid three, I still have another piece out with an agent or editor who may even say yes. 


Prize Jar 

Way back when I was a kid, my mom would get me a coloring book whenever I got sick. It was just a little something to help cheer me up. I did something like that for myself when I was a new writer. When a rejection came, I reached into the prize jar and pulled out a slip of paper and got whatever was written there. A trip to the local bookstore. An evening spent knitting. A morning with a coloring book. Visiting the Art Museum. 


What helps pick you up when a rejection gets you down? What systems do you have in place to help you cope? Please comment and help out your fellow writers. 


--SueBE


Sue Bradford Edwards' is the author of over 27 books for young readers.  To find out more about her writing, visit her site and blog, One Writer's Journey.


Sue is also the instructor for  Research: Prepping to Write Nonfiction for Children and Young Adults (next session begins March 1, 2021) and Writing Nonfiction for Children and Young Adults (next session begins  March 1, 2021). 

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