WOW! Women On Writing Blog: be a helper

Monday, March 30, 2020

WOW! I don't even know where to begin - the world is upside down. I've journaled about how a trip to the grocery seems surreal and somehow dangerous. I want to remember these days. I also have the same feeling in my stomach I would get as a child watching a scary movie. Daddy would see me hiding under the blanket and remind me there would be a happy ending and ask "don't you want to see how it ends?". I'd try to stick it out as long as I could, but I'd give in to that topsy turny feeling in my tummy and run to the bathroom until it was over. I didn't care how it ended, I just wanted it to stop. The grown-up me knows we need to see this COVID-19 thing come to an end. The grown-up me knows once it's over we will appreciate one another more. The grown-up me knows I need to come up with fun ways to keep the children entertained.

Yet ... here I am hiding in the tub with a glass of wine wondering if maybe when I come out it will be over.

Most days I don't feel very grown-up. I'm worried about finances (I'm a musician and half our income each year comes from that) so I'm baking and taking on more author work to supplement our income. I'm worried about the elderly - so I'm shopping for people and leaving groceries on porches. I'm worried about my family and their health (physically and emotionally) - my mother usually sees the children several times a week and it's been 3 weeks since she last held the baby on her lap for a nap. My husband says I wake up in the middle of the night scared saying things like:

"I gave it to all of them - Ken warned me"

I internalize things. My friends and family see my humorous posts about being the new gym teacher, hairdresser, etc... and inside, I'm wondering if I remembered to sanitize my phone before lunch. My hands bleed from the excessive hand washing, and I keep counting the jars of vegetables to make sure no one will go without.

I know on a certain level we are all feeling this. We are all trying to do our best under some very trying circumstances. I want you to know I see you. I feel you. I'm on your side.

The ONLY thing keeping me smiling right now is doing what Daddy taught me. I'm looking for the helpers. I see the man from Koeppel Concrete who donated gift cards to healthcare workers to purchase scrubs from the local small business Working Man's Friend. I see the woman who is on furlough who is helping at the local Festival Foods making sure shelves are stocked. I see the nurse who works tirelessly with the elderly and during her time off cares for her special needs son while also sewing masks for fellow healthcare workers. I see the teachers juggling their own children while putting together online lessons for their students. I see restaurants making deliveries and donations to healthcare workers. I've always seen you - but right now I NEED to see you. I've been posting on social media asking people to tell me about the amazing acts of kindness they see each day.

With so much sadness and fear in our world right now, we need to thank the helpers, but more importantly we need to see them. We need to hear about them. There are so many ways to help right now - and new ideas are popping up every day. Big or small, your help is bringing a smile to more than just one person. Keep helping and please know we are seeing you!

Thanks for listening - I struggled with this post - and now can you do me a favor? Leave a comment about something you've done, something you've seen, something you plan to do that will help someone else? These stories help me get through each and every day - you have no idea! THANK YOU <3 p="">
Hugs (hopefully in real life again someday),
~Crystal

Crystal is the office manager, council secretary, financial secretary, and musician at her church, birth mother, Auntie, babywearing mama, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband and their five youngest children, two dogs, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, horses Darlin' and Joker, and over 250 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal milking cows, riding horses, and riding unicorns (not at the same time), taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books here, and at her personal blog - Crystal is dedicated to turning life's lemons into lemonade and she has never (not once) been accused of being normal!

4 comments acts of kindness, be a helper, corona virus, covid-19, find a helper, find the helpers, saferathome, staying positive, thank you, thanks

How Can I Help?

Thursday, July 18, 2019

Let's sit down and chat. I already have a cup of deliciously strong coffee, and I'll get comfortable while you run and grab your favorite beverage from the kitchen. Would you like sweet tea? Lemonade? Coffee?

Let's sit in the comfy chairs with the thick cushions - no rush - I'm glad you're here.

Have you ever thought about our friendship? More than how we met. I mean, what makes us friends? Recently my husband pointed out how people are always dropping in to chat. I teased and said they just like my coffee and cookies. Though my cookies ARE delicious... I've come to the conclusion there's one thing I say that helps draw people in. Here's a typical scenario and you can see for yourself:

Ring Ring

Crystal: "Hello, this is Crystal."
Amber: "Hey - are you home?"
Crystal: "Sure am - you stopping over?"
Amber: " If you don't mind. I'll be right over."

If there's no coffee left in the pot, I'll start a new pot and put out some snacks or pastries. We have a policy here at our house where you just walk right in.

Amber: "That coffee smells great - I'm exhausted."
Crystal: "Here's a hug and a cookie too - now, how can I help?"

The key to being a good friend is not found in the cookie, coffee or the open door policy - it's right there in those magical words:

HOW CAN I HELP?

This simple phrase open the door to a deeper and more meaningful friendship. Very seldom does a friend respond asking for advice or money. Do you know what people want? They want someone to listen. By the time they're done explaining the situation, they've usually come up with a plan on their own. At the very least, they feel better because they've gotten the words out of their head and I can share the burden with them.

I don't know anything about domestic violence, childhood cancer, changing the oil, and the list goes on. I don't have thousands of dollars sitting on the counter waiting to be shared. There's so much I don't know and don't have, but I DO know a little something about listening and somehow listening and helping are closely intertwined.

The next time someone comes to you feeling stressed, tired, or overwhelmed, give it a try. Instead of agreeing with them as so many times we do, try and ask them "How can I help?" The conversation will go much differently. If a friend complains about a busy spouse and you join in the conversation by talking about how your spouse does the same this or that as well, you'll both leave the conversation just as frustrated (possibly even more frustrated) than you were when you began. If you ask how you can help, the tone of the conversation heads toward chatter about a solution instead of additional banter about the problem. When we share our burdens with a friend, we feel lighter. When a friend walks in with a frown and out with a smile, I feel I've done my job as a friend.

What do you say to help a friend in need? What has someone said to you that helped you through a tough situation or period in your life?

Crystal is a secretary, council secretary, financial secretary, and musician at her church, birth mother, Auntie, babywearing cloth diapering mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband and their five youngest children (Carmen 13, Andre 11, Breccan 5, Delphine 4, and baby Eudora who will be 2 in a few months), two dogs, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns and horses, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff here, and at her personal blog - Crystal is dedicated to turning life's lemons into lemonade!