What Will They Think?

Ah yes - other people...

What a great way to ruin a perfectly wonderful day - with people!

I didn't say ALL people, so don't get all upset right away. I'm not talking about YOU - I'm talking about THOSE people who have nothing nice to say. The people who share their negative thoughts and opinions with anyone who will listen. The people who make themselves feel better by putting others down. You've met them, right? 

There's a fabulous movement on social media (at least in my feed - with all my wonderful uplifting and supportive mommy friends) to #weartheswimsuit . IF you don't believe me, just type in that hashtag on any social media outlet and you'll find pictures of all sorts of awesome bodes wearing swimsuits.

Are you done checking those out?

Great - now let's get back on track.

When you're writing, do you worry about what the reader will think of the story? What you neighbors will think about the characters? Do you worry you made a character a little to much like __________ and maybe they'll be offended? 

Not a writer ? It's okay - imagine you're going to the beach... do you worry about what you will wear and what others might think? 

The truth is, each and every day, we as human beings worry about the opinions of others. We worry our mom friends are better mothers and they may not agree with the sugary snack our children are enjoying while theirs munch on carrots. We worry our healthy friends may not appreciate how rushed we were and how we broke our green eating streak with a trip through the McDonald's drive through. We worry our spouse is gonna see the cellulite that just won't go away on our 40 year old thighs and somehow think less of us. We worry our children are going to think we are uncool. 

I'm writing this article and as I'm giving you advice not to worry about what other people think, I'm worrying what you're going to think. How ridiculous am I?

Not ridiculous at all - I'm just human. We aren't all that different you know?

Here's what I want you to do. I'm going to do it too. Let's do this together. Next time we find ourselves worrying about what other people think, let's give this a try:

1) Take a deep breath as we recognize where our head is going.

2) Exhale and ask ourselves "what does it matter?"

3) Take a deep breath and say: "I matter. My opinion and feelings matter. What do I think?"

4) Take a few moments to reflect on our own thoughts instead of the opinions of others.

 - is my writing adding value to the story?

 - is this character as deep as they should be?

 - how do I feel about this?

 - does this make me feel fulfilled?

5) Move forward hearing our own voice. The more often we practice this exercise, the stronger our inner voice becomes. The stronger our voice is, the less we hear the 'noise' created by friends, society, the media, etc...

Do you have a story to tell? Don't worry about what others have to say - tune them out and tell your story!

Do you long to wear a bikini and feel the sun on your tummy? Don't worry about what others might say or think - tune them out and put on the bikini!

Leave a comment of something you've done without worrying about what other people think! Leave a comment of something you're GOING to do today without worrying about what other people think!

I can't wait to hear from you! I'll be over here in my bikini (with no make up on) reading my friend Jenn's latest book. She's doing the things. I'm doing the things. Now it's your turn - DO IT!!!! 

Hugs,

~Crystal

About Today's Blogger: Crystal is a Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing and a busy mom and dairy farmer from Wisconsin. In her spare time she enjoys riding horses, the smell of fresh cut grass, and the feeling of the sun on her tummy! She turned 44 this week and encourages people of all ages, shapes, sizes, and colors to be fearless and brave! 

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2 comments advice, be brave, courageous, empowerment, weartheswimsuit

Dear Younger Me,

I often have the wonderful opportunity of interviewing authors, and a question I enjoy asking is: 

Do you have advice for your younger self when it comes to making decisions, believing in yourself, and/or writing? What would your current self say to the younger you?

Even if you aren't a writer, that's a great question to ask yourself regularly. I find that giving this the thought it deserves helps me as a mother and as someone who interacts with younger people socially and professionally. This could also be a writing prompt for your journal or an essay. 

Like my own small children, I smiled a lot as a toddler and elementary student. Middle school kicked my butt and I wish I had known then what I know now...so this particular question really hits home for me. I think about the angsty teenage Crystal and just wish I could give her a hug and a cup of hot cocoa! 

While you think about your own answer to this question, here's some pearls of wisdom I enjoy passing on to the younger people in my life:

- YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES - own them and move on!

        Our mistakes don't define us and if you are constantly looking behind you, you're going to miss what's right in front of you. Don't let life pass you by because you're looking in the rearview mirror.

- PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE UNKIND - it has nothing to do with you!

        Daddy used to tell me people poked fun of me because they were jealous. I guess today, ya'all call that bullying, but remember that "hurt people, hurt people". Those unkind words have more to do with the person saying them and not much at all to do with you. You are amazing and the unkind people may not want to admit to seeing that in you...but you know it's there, so try your best to ignore the unkindness. In addition to ignoring them - tell yourself twice as many positive things to counteract them! Look into that mirror and remind yourself how fabulous you are!

- YOU'LL NEVER REGRET GIVING IT YOUR ALL - no matter what the task, do it well!

        I've been the girl cleaning the toilets and mopping the floor to earn a few bucks. I've also been the girl running the multi-million dollar company. Let me tell you, you've never seen a cleaner toilet, squeakier floors, or a more successful business. I fully believe it doesn't matter what you're doing - do it with a smile and do a complete job each time. If you're putting your name behind it, it should be a reflection of you! 

- SMILE - everyone is prettier when they're smiling!

        On the days you don't feel like smiling - fake it! I always recommend being authentic, but sometimes we need to fake a smile and here's why: when someone smiles at you, you smile back. So - what I'm saying is, you're gonna fake your smile and then collect enough genuine smiles through the day that yours becomes authentic too! For real - this works! There's always something to smile about anyway - even on our darkest days, there are birds chirping and babies being born...somewhere... so smile! (see the pic above - doesn't that smile make you smile?)

Well - my list goes on, but my coffee cup needs refilling and the sun is shining - so I'm gonna grab a to go mug and hit the trails! I wish I could tell my teenager self that eventually she would get a horse - she'd never believe it! I'm out - gonna go live the dream. So - while I'm riding horses, you go ahead and leave some comments (comments are like hugs for bloggers) 

What is your advice and who do you think it will help most? 

What is the best advice you received and who was it from?

What makes you smile?

Hugs,

~Crystal

and now...a little more about me...

Shown from left to right:
Delphine riding Honey
Mr. Otto holding Eudora
Crystal riding Marv.
Thank you Forward Farm, LLC 

Crystal is a hot mess of busy-ness who has decided to shorten her bio...

You can find Crystal milking cows, riding horses, and the occasional unicorn (not at the same time), taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books here, and at her own blog - Crystal is dedicated to turning life's lemons into lemonade and she has never (not once) been accused of being normal!

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2 comments advice, encourage others, smile, younger self

Note to a Younger Me...

8/26/2015

Dear Younger Self,

I'm not sure how I've arrived here - it's 2019 and after the bus comes next Tuesday, there will be only ONE baby at home. There are ZERO babies in diapers. Yes, you heard that correctly - no diapers to change (or wash) and most days there's only ONE baby in my arms. You're in the thick of motherhood if this letter reached you as planned. I remember those days fondly, but I know your arms are tired from carrying 2 (and sometimes 3) babies at once. You are sleep deprived and touched-out most days and yet you're painting on a smile and being graceful and wonderful. You are juggling being a wife, daughter, and mommy while working, volunteering, and making sure everyone is cared for and loved. I have a few things to tell you from "the other side" of the fence:

You are (and always have been) Enough!
You didn't become a mother of 6 to be broken. This opportunity isn't meant to break you - it's an honor bestowed on you because you are strong enough to raise your tribe with grace. There are days you'll cry in the shower and think you've failed - it's okay to be sad, just don't live in that sorrow. Put your big girl panties on and forge on - you are MORE than enough for this journey!

You NEED to Rest!
Throw away all the lists. No one actually cares if there is dog hair on the rug or on someone's pants. I'll say it again - no one actually cares! Put your feet up and enjoy a cup of tea every now and again. The voice in your head telling you that you need a clean house, perfect hair, and a washed vehicle needs to be told off every once in awhile. None of those things matter in the end.

Saying NO doesn't make you weak!
If it doesn't bring you joy, don't do it. Life is too short for weak coffee and joyless "stuff" that only serves to pull you away from friends and family.

Ask for HELP and accept it!
Stop trying to be everything to everyone. If you ask for help, you'll be giving joy to your helpers while lessening your own workload. If someone doesn't want to help you, they'll say no. When someone offers to help, just say thank you instead of overthinking it. You aren't superwoman and there's no way you can volunteer at school while working and delivering meals to shut-ins....pick the one you want to do and let someone else enjoy the joy of the other tasks!

Your Body is Gorgeous...PERIOD!
Stop worrying about looking 20-something. Embrace the changes that come with age and being a mother. There is no award for fitting into your college jeans, so stop trying. You are absolutely perfect just as you are and even cover models are airbrushed!

I love you. Your kids love you (even when they say otherwise or act like they don't)! You've totally got this girl - not only that, you are rocking it!

Love Always,
The older you who will be a blubbering mess when that school bus comes next week....I'm hoping for a letter from an even older "US" to give me some guidance and love!






Crystal is a secretary, council secretary, financial secretary, and musician at her church, birth mother, Auntie, babywearing mama, business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing,  Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Wisconsin with her husband and their five youngest children (Carmen 12, Andre 11, Breccan 5, Delphine 4, and baby Eudora who somehow turns 2 later this year), two dogs, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books here, and at her personal blog - Crystal is dedicated to turning life's lemons into lemonade!

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1 comment advice, motherhood, motherhood advice, note to self, parenting, parenting advice, pep talk, younger self

Friday Speak Out!: How I Ventured the “Road less traveled” …and Found the Path to Success!

by Jennifer Brown Banks

I did everything wrong. At least, according to the experts. As a newbie blogger six years ago, I allowed my gut, business instincts, and personal goals to navigate my journey.

I didn’t blindly follow the advice of every “Tom, Dick and Harry” who fashioned themselves as being an authority on my blogging career. Instead, I sought “mentorship” by studying the top guns: Darren Rowse, Brian Clark and a few others who demonstrated true “success” by their cult-like followings and impressive incomes. But even then, I was selective in what I chose to apply to my own efforts, realizing that we all have different strengths, resources and lifestyles.

I blogged on a free platform. A decision that many said would serve like a “scarlet letter,” branding me as an unprofessional, unworthy of serious consideration from clients and peers.

I said “no” to SEO. Many times when I tried to apply it, I felt it made my writing seem stiff and redundant. I opted to write for readers and not robots.

Instead of trying to grow my fan base through the social media frenzy, I opted to grow my knowledge base. I read a lot, experimented, encouraged feedback, was transparent about my failures, and eventually found answers that caused fewer detours on the path to success.

And you can too.

Here are a few principles and lessons I discovered along my blogging journey, to shorten your learning curve and help you go the distance:

1. Be willing to fail, in order to succeed.

This may seem contradictory here, but it isn’t. Here’s a case in point. Though I have been fortunate to garner several blogging awards at my site, Pen and Prosper, (including Top 25 Blogs for Writers honors), it’s not my first blog attempt. The former two were a flop! But, I didn’t stop. And you shouldn’t either. As they say, “If at first you don’t succeed…”

2. Be a detective; follow the clues.

Want to know if you’re on the right track with the content that you provide? Pay attention to readers’ comments, Google analytics, and the flow of traffic. For example, I used to publish on weekends, until I noticed that I got very little views and levels of engagement. With time, wisdom and discernment, you can become your own “expert.”

3. Remember that blogging is a relationship.

Give. Be courteous. Though you may not be able to schedule a “date night,“ you can “woo” your readers. Take periodic polls and survey them to understand their needs. Shake things up a bit, keep things interesting. Why not interview a comedy writer? Or sponsor a contest, conduct book reviews, or share links of interest? Successful blogging is not all about numbers; it’s about “connecting” with people.

Regardless to the obstacles you may encounter along the way, stay on track. Chart your own course.
Keeping in mind what matters most: “It’s not how you start, but how you finish!”

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JENNIFER BROWN BANKS is an award-winning blogger, ghost writer and veteran freelancer. Her work has appeared extensively online, including: Pro Blogger, Tiny Buddha, Daily Blog Tips, and the Well-Fed Writer. When she’s not at the keyboard, she’s typically in the kitchen. Visit her award-winning site at:
http://Penandprosper.blogspot.com/

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Would you like to participate in Friday "Speak Out!"? Email your short posts (under 500 words) about women and writing to: marcia[at]wow-womenonwriting[dot]com for consideration. We look forward to hearing from you!

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10 comments advice, blogging, connecting with readers, Friday Speak Out, Google analytics, Jennifer Brown Banks, knowledge, learning from mistakes, success

Writing Advice: It Isn’t One Size Fits All

I love going to writer’s conferences. I always come away ready to write with ideas on how to improve my writing and market it both to potential publishers and readers.

That said, I’ve learned that before I follow any of the advice that I receive at a conference, I need to test the fit. X, Y or Z might have worked perfectly well for the writer giving the advice, but that doesn’t mean it will work for me. Writing advice is not one size fits all and what worked for a Big-Name author may not work for me.

Speakers at writer’s conference are generally “high end.” These are established writers. They are big names. They have status. Unless you are secretly Suzanne Collins, you and I may not have the clout to pull off whatever it is that Big-Name-Author managed to do.

Let me demonstrate with an example of interest to many – self or independent-publishing.

A number of name writers are now publishing at least some of their work independently. For many of them, it works well meaning their work sells and it sells well. Whenever one of them mentions a dollar amount, that’s all any of the conference goers talk about. “Big-Name-Author made a caboodle dollars when she published her own novel. I can do that too.”

Maybe, but quite probably not. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you have a comparable following? I don’t mean in terms of enthusiasm. I’m talking numbers here.
• Is your name your biggest sales tool? Unless people talk about “the latest (insert your name here),” you should probably answer no to this question.
• Have you honed your writing skills to the same level? Write enough to have a pile of books with your name on them and you are going to get better. Have you improved that much already? If not, you probably need an editor whose recommendations you can’t just brush off.

If you answered “no” to even one of these questions, following the self-publishing path probably won’t lead you to the same destination.

I’m not picking on people who chose to self-publish. Any advice that you receive from a name author needs to be considered just as carefully. Whether this advice concerns dealing with an editor or agent, following a publisher’s guidelines or dealing with the public, consider the advice carefully.

The advice may be perfect for one writer but not another, because writing advice is not one size fits all.

--SueBE

Sue teaches our class, Writing Nonfiction for Children and Young Adults. The next session begins in October; places in the class are open.

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3 comments advice, advice for writers, writing advice