When Fear Holds You Back

I’ll be honest here. I recently faced an event in my personal life that I let bother me way more than I should have. I let it threaten to derail everything I’ve been working toward in my writing career throughout the past few years. I’m normally not an anxious person, but this time around, I let all the “what ifs” that linger in the back of every writer’s mind take front and center. I experienced symptoms that manifested themselves both physically and emotionally. I let fear paralyze me. I watched the items on my work “to do” list remain unchecked and the progress on my fiction stalled. I wondered if I’d ever be able to pull myself out of the abyss.

I guess my point in all this is that when something like this happens to you, you have to eventually make a choice. Are you going to let it define you and diminish all you have accomplished or are you going to fight back?

For me, I fought back. I’ve always been a fighter, and this time really was no different. I had some good conversations with my husband, my friends and my family, and slowly, I found the courage to move forward. Luckily for me, I’ve been taking a children’s writing workshop, which gave me a deadline I needed to meet. Otherwise, there’s no telling how long I would have delayed getting back to my writing.

On the day I was supposed to work on my next chapter, I procrastinated. I straightened up the house, I read a little, I watched some mindless television. Finally, my husband took the kids out of the house so I could have some quiet time to write and I had no choice. I opened up iTunes and scanned all the songs, trying to find one that would give me strength. I landed on an old favorite by Alanis Morissette.

“But you, you’re not allowed, you’re uninvited. An unfortunate slight.”

The song spoke to me on a number of different levels. It fit well with the storyline of one of my characters and I also saw it as an anthem for anyone suffering from writer’s block. Whatever works, right? I opened up the file and faced my greatest fear. Would I find the words I needed to move the story forward? I began typing, and guess what? I finished a rough draft of the chapter within an hour, and channeling my feelings helped me take risks I never would have imagined myself taking before, with both dialogue and plot.

I refuse to give up. Writing is part of who I am and I deserve every bit of happiness it brings me. Next time, I need to remember that from the start.

Renee Roberson is an award-winning freelance writer and editor who blogs at Renee’s Pages.