Entering the Empty Nester Phase

 

It’s still summer here, but the banister of our staircase is draped with new flannel long-sleeved shirts and a sturdy, practical jacket we got on sale at the Eddie Bauer outlet store. The dining room holds fluffy new bath towels, washed and folded, as well as a clean pile of sheets in XL. In the corner sits a mini-refrigerator, still in the box, ready to be hauled out to our car and packed in five days. 

Since he graduated from high school in early June, I’ve kept my emotions tucked away in a place where I couldn't reach them until now. My 18-year-old son, the baby in the family, officially leaves for college next week and my husband and I will become empty nesters. I didn’t think it would hit me this hard, but it has. As I watch my son head out each day to visit with his tight-knit group of friends, whether meeting for breakfast or a game of hoops that turns into chatting in the parking lot of the neighborhood park for hours, I’m filled with conflicting emotions. 

You'd think I would be used to this by now. In 2022, my daughter received an offer she couldn’t refuse at a large public university eight hours away. Last year we moved her into her first apartment, and I had a mild panic attack after we drove away—did we buy her enough groceries? Would she be safe in her new community and when would her other roommates finally arrive? Did we do all the proper maintenance on her car? With my son I told myself it would be easier because he’s going to college a mere two hours away, but it’s still hitting me hard. As the countdown begins, I count my blessings while they are both still here (my daughter returned home this summer to work as a camp counselor).

I’m fortunate to have built the career I have, where I taught myself how to become a freelance writer and maintain relationships with editors that have given me contract jobs and assignments when I most needed them. Without this career, I wouldn’t have been able to spend as much time with my kids. 

I’ll never forget all the summer excursions we took to the library, hunting down treasures in the shelves of the book sales and participating in summer reading programs. The trips we’ve been able to take together as a family are well worth the sacrifice, while my husband always said, “maybe next year,” I became insistent that “next year” will be gone before we know it. What do you know, I was right. Somehow, we managed to squeeze in countless trips to the beach and mountains, along with one memorable trip to the Virgin Islands, Disney World and Universal Studios, and New York City, among other places. 

As they are packing their bags, I’m happy to have been nurturing my writing and podcasting career all along, while still trying to be the best mom that I can. I’m confident immersing myself in this work will serve me well as I try not to worry or miss them too much this fall (trips are already planned for football games at both their respective universities, however!) 

If I had to give any new parent advice, it would be to make sure to invest in yourself. Your kids will always be there, and you can always make time for them, but they will leave someday. There is absolutely nothing wrong with finding a hobby you enjoy, a career that lights you up, or outings or trips with friends or your partner that will refresh your soul when you need it the most. You will always be there for them, but you must also take care of yourself. They will respect you for it, learn independence, and become your biggest cheerleaders. 

Psychologist Margaret Rutherford once advised, “Your child’s life will be filled with fresh experiences. It’s good if yours is as well.” 

Let’s do this. 

Renee Roberson is an award-winning writer who also hosts the true crime podcast, Missing in the Carolinas. She is the proud mom of a college freshman and junior, both planning to major in communications.