Moving Forward After Disappointment

Pexels.com

It’s time to fess up here. I have a bad habit of trying to bury my head in the sand when the going gets tough. If I’m having issues with a friend or family member, I go quiet, figuring if I avoid the problem it will go away. And when I have a setback in my writing, I do the exact same thing.

A few weeks ago I sent off the first part of a YA novel I’ve been working on to an editing service. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I felt like I was finally onto something I had been revising off and on since NaNoWriMo 2014. I knew the feedback wouldn’t be pages and pages of how brilliantly I write—that’s not the point. But in previous experiences I’ve had a balance of what is working and what isn’t.

That wasn’t the case here. The 50 pages I turned in were returned back to me in 24 hours, and there really wasn’t a positive note in the comments. Here were a few issues the editor highlighted: too much “filtering,” i.e. using words like he saw, she heard, he felt, etc. With my background as a reporter, I could see this. I also need to outline some long and short-term goals for the character. Although for me, this is difficult because you can’t just come out and say “Cassidy wanted to learn how to live comfortably in world full of landmines due to her sensory processing disorder.” It has to be more organic than that. I presented an intriguing hook in the first two pages and then flipped backwards in the story, which was a letdown.

Basically, after reading the e-mail with comments, I felt like I sucked as a writer. Big time. I wondered if it was even worth moving forward, because I couldn’t find any positive comments in the notes, besides, “You have an intriguing start to a story here.” After having success with a few short stories this past year, I wondered why I can’t seem to pull off the opening pages of a novel.

So I allowed myself to wallow. I tinkered around with another short story I’ve been working on. I read a novel for pleasure I’ve been saving for vacation. And I finally decided I’m moving forward. Because as a recent podcaster said, “Failure is a jumping off point for your dreams.”

I believe in my story. I do see the flaws. But I also see the beauty in it. It deserves my devotion and attention. And in the meantime, I’m listening to the little voice in my head telling me to send out queries for another YA novel I wrote a few years ago that I allowed to languish for too long. I will not allow my writing to go stagnant. And you shouldn’t, either.

Have you ever let a negative experience make you doubt yourself as a writer? How did you get through it?

Renee Roberson is an award-winning writer and editor who also works in marketing and publicity for a nonprofit theatre company. Her short story, “The Polaroid,” won first place in the Thriller Category of the 2017 Writer’s Digest Popular Fiction Awards. She also received an Honorable Mention in the 2018 Women’s National Book Association Writing Contest for her young adult story “The Name You’re Not Supposed to Call Women.”