The
problem was that I didn’t get it – the stamp of approval.
It
seems that in the process of rewriting my work, I hadn’t smoothed out bumps and
made it tighter, but instead had lost my focus.
The telltale sign that this had happened was the chorus, or actually two
choruses (chori?).
In
picture books, there is often a repeating line of text that echoes throughout the
story, much like a chorus. You don’t see
it after every page turn, but you see it often enough that readers learn what
is coming when they hear the first two or three words.
In
the first draft of my story, I had created a chorus based on my theme of the
story. It worked because it made the
story cohesive.
But
then I had to strengthen the character.
While I was doing that, I started to play here and there with the text
and another chorus emerged. In a longer book, this might work but mine comes in
at less than 500 words. Nope. No room for a second chorus. With it, the story felt unwieldy.
The
only solution was to rewrite it and get it back on track. It was going to be tough to evaluate each
spread for what could and couldn’t stay in the leaner meaner version. I needed something to keep me on track and
help me focus.
Fortunately,
I remembered the three sentence pitches we practiced writing at a Missouri
SCBWI writing retreat. A three sentence
pitch is just enough to give an agent or editor an idea what your story is
about. It deals more with theme and
character than plot. With only three
sentences about your story, you have to focus if you are going to fit your
character, her problem and a hint at the theme all in three sentences.
It’s
still rough, but this is what I came up with:
No
one knows what’s going on at Sappington’s Superior Circus better than Felicity
Fernandez. She finds lost children and car keys and can point the way to the
next act. The problem comes when she can’t find her place in the Circus and she
wonders if she would be better off someplace else.
In
53 words, I have the character (Felicity Fernandez), the setting (Sappington’s
Superior Circus), the story problem (Felicity can’t find herself), and a hint
at the theme (even if you know where everything else belongs, it may take some
time to find your place).
With
this in mind, and on an index card, I can evaluate each paragraph of text. Does
it develop this idea? If not, cross it
out. When I am done, I will have a
tightly focused story with a chorus that once again has the space to ring out.
--SueBE
SueBE blogs about writing at One Writer's Journey.
Sue--Using that 3-sentence spiel is a wonderful technique to keep your manuscript on track.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post.
Thanks, Sue. I think we all need to be reminded to focus from time to time, and getting a story down to three sentences will certainly do it!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very helpful exercise. :) I have even heard of trying to do it in one sentence. One time I heard if you can't tell what your book is about in one sentence, then you don't know what your book is about. . .Seems harsh, but I think it means like you said, sometimes we are all over the place or trying to do too much. Thanks for the example, too!
ReplyDeleteMargo,
ReplyDeleteWe wrote one sentence pitches at a critique. For something like this, I don't want to spend that long honing and condensing, not when I need to be rewriting. BUT one sentence comes in very handy when I need to write the query letter!
--SueBE
Sue, This is a great exercise. I can even see how to incorporate it into journalism - especially when my students are developing stories!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate this glimpse into the world of writing children's books-- it's a an idea that carries well into other realms. Thank you.
ReplyDelete