I am 35 weeks pregnant and had no business taking my 5 and 6 year old to the county fair yesterday. It was 90 degrees in the shade and I should have been sitting home with my feet up. Instead, I spent 5 hours at the fair walking around being uncomfortable. When it was time to go I of course pushed a little harder and let the children go on a few more rides. Unfortunately my generosity was not met with gratitude. I listened to quite a bit of whining on the way to the car AND the entire way home.
Why is it so hard to say no? Why didn't I just stay home and tell the children we can all go next year after their brother is here and mommy feels better?
Similarly, last week I agreed to help coordinate a charity event in town. I wanted to say no, but instead I agreed and then felt like I had too many irons in the fire. My inability to say no seems to be the root cause of most of the stress in my life.
Do you find that as an author you are pulled in too many directions as well? Is it book signings, guest blog posts, social events? Have you learned to say no? How did you learn that important lesson and can you share with us (me)?
Now I'm off to feed calves and help with hay - again....unable to say no...and did I mention the 17 pounds of garden fresh tomatoes I am supposed to turn into salsa and can later today to...Help!!
I think most of us can identify. Sometimes I simply refuse to engage and get people's hints when they need "someone" to take charge of whatever. I can be amazingly dense when it suits me.
ReplyDelete--SueBE
Crystal--I come up with a "generic" excuse that I can use, no matter what the request. And by "come up with" I mean fabricate/lie...
ReplyDeleteFor example, tell everyone who is pulling at your time, "I have a deadline with my novel/article/flash fiction piece, and my publisher will kill me if I don't send it in on time."
(By the way, it helps if you don't have to read it off an index card. ;)
I need a group or an intervention. I can't even form the word NO sometimes. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou all are great! Thank you first for understanding and second for making me laugh.
ReplyDeleteI needed some hugs today and you were just the gals to give them to me!
Luv,
-Crystal
I've been there with my kids too! They just don't appreciate or fully understand the sacrifices we make sometimes. It's funny you would post something about just saying no to some things today! I received a message today asking me to do a favor. It's something I've done before, something I enjoy doing, something that helps the public image of my workplace. That said, it's not my job, I don't get paid for it, I just spent 3 days at the fair with my kids and horses, and my kids start school on Monday. So, I respectfully declined and apologized for not being able to help out. I'm not sure I could lie about not being to help out. I mean, lies tend to get found out eventually, and if we're too busy to handle one more thing, it's really okay to say so!
ReplyDeleteCrystal, Crystal, Crystal... What are we going to do with you? ;)
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to say NO. Sometimes I KNOW I take on more than I should, but I also know that I thrive on pressure, so...'Yes' comes out of my mouth too often.
P.S. I didn't plant tomatoes this year. Had 30 plants last year and made a lot of salsa and spaghetti sauce but I just didn't get any planted this year... :(
LuAnn - I wish you lived closer, I would invite you over and we could make salsa together!!!
ReplyDeleteThe good news is - my next Muffin post is already "in the works" and it's an interview with a publisher. This time I'm going to be super prepared (I hope).
Thank you again to everyone for your support. I always find something on the Muffin!
Hugs,
~Crystal