The Imbalance and Balance of the Creative
by Brenda Moguez
The writer in me tends to live in a constant state of overwhelm. I cave at the sight of a dangling participle and my never-ending list of ideas that auto-magically appears in my head. The woman in me can leap tall buildings, juggle chainsaws, and flirt with a lanky man fluttering his come-hither lashes in my direction, without breaking a sweat. I am one person, but there are differences between my superwoman-mother-everyday gal self, and the ethereal-writer-nymph.
The writer in me struggles to restrict the thoughts that twinkle like red and green Christmas lights on the tree. Why are there more ideas than time, more to do than possible, and more questions than answers, or a guideline to refer to? There is always a spark of something flickering on the edges of my subconscious, blurred, and elusive, as if I am trapped in the perpetual aftermath of déjà vu. I manage to keep the two selves in check, alternating between checklists:
· Balance checkbook
· Make dentist appointments for kids
· Buy trainers
· Writer letter of recommendation
· Plan birthday dinner
· Grocery list: Chicken, lettuce, wine
· IDEA: I wear you brightly within, but you're hardly noticeable from the exterior. I hold it in check, always. It’s a feeling, this sense of you that I wear around and within. It's not physical or measurable but its strength is not questionable.
· Is there a poem here: Seeing you across the room the first time /Left no marks upon my heart, this mind tingled/Delighted in your brilliance, wishing you would/Notice me standing on your left even the right,
· Submit stories
· Self –market and promote
· Read, read, READ. READ
Occasionally, a glass of wine is required before negotiation between the two can commence. I feel as
How to stay focused and not give way to my own flights of fancy or the twinkling lights, is the challenge the writer in me faces daily. Thus is my plight, my two halves—the superwoman and the nymph—battle to balance the conflicts of the creative and practical self.
In reality, when I am not giving way to my theatrical self—there are too many sides of a woman to count—I manage. It wasn’t until I took myself, the entire me, at face value, and accepted my limitations, that I took control of the helm. Some days I soar with the eagles and there are the odd days when I crash and burn, like a kite. Most of the time I am in awe of what I manage to get through, but there are days when I struggle with first line of a story.
How do you manage the many selves of your whole?
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Brenda Moguez, a writer embracing her inner Xena, Princess Warrior, as she tackles the list of possibilities. She favors writing a story over vacuuming the dust bunny commune growing with reckless abandonment under her bed, where she sits nightly finishing her second novel. The first novel is currently joy riding the agent query coaster. You can find her at http://www.brendamoguez.com/, where she explores passionate pursuits in all its forms.
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